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Original poster

He wants to leave them alone in a hotel room

262 replies

OrangeIsTheNewRed · 22/07/2021 19:36

I have twin dc (6) with my ex and we mostly manage to coparent quite successfully. Occasionally though we have difficulties because of our parenting styles are very different.

In a couple of weeks he is taking them on holiday with his family and new partner. They're staying in the UK but far away and will need to stay in a hotel overnight.

When we were together and stayed in hotels with his family, his sister would routinely leave her young dc alone in the room while the grown-ups had dinner elsewhere in the hotel. She and her partner would check on them every half hour or so throughout the evening. I always thought this was totally wrong and irresponsible and when ex and I had our own dc, I refused to leave them alone and would stay in the room with my dc whilst everyone else got drunk over a long dinner/wedding reception/whatever. He and his family told me that I was paranoid and ridiculous.

We are no longer together (thank God) but now they're going to stay in a hotel and I won't be there. I have asked him to promise me that he won't leave them on their own, but to know avail.

There are so many dangers. Fire, they might wake up and be scared, they could hurt themselves, a member of staff who could be anyone could access the room. Not to mention Madeleine Mcann.

What do I do? Can I stop him taking them altogether? Help.

And yes, name changed but I am a long time regular. Penis beaker, have you cancelled the cheque yet, etc.

OP posts:
SeaToSki · 22/07/2021 22:09

You shouldnt have to, but can you offer to pay for a babysitter to stay in the room with them...and then book the sitter yourself and pay directly (maybe organize through the hotel itself) so you know it actually happens

MsTSwift · 22/07/2021 22:09

Us and pretty much everyone we know went camping or self catering when kids little put them to bed then nice dinner wine and a book or a box set.

lastcall · 22/07/2021 22:18

Because 2 6 year olds couldn't possibly keep each other up and get into trouble together alone....

glad you're calling your solicitor. good luck, OP

RevolvingPivot · 22/07/2021 22:21

Not the point at all and either way it would be a no however....

What time does the ex and family eat dinner 6/7/8? Is he expecting the kids to be fast asleep by then and not notice the dad is not there or is he leaving them knowing they are fully awake?

Sadiecow · 22/07/2021 22:22

What a bloody nightmare!!

RevolvingPivot · 22/07/2021 22:22

My 11 year old wouldn't want to be left in a strange room in the evening. I can't imagine what a 6 year old would think.

VVKills27 · 22/07/2021 22:25

The ex and his family are the bizarre ones, not you at all. That your ex MIL has the audacity to call you loopy for supervising your young children is pathetic. Your ex sounds is naive at best, ignorant at worst if he thinks it’s ok to leave 6 year olds unattended in an an unfamiliar room so he can get drunk - it’s pathetic behaviour & no responsible person would think it’s a good idea.

jayho · 22/07/2021 22:28

I'd check if the hotel has a babysitting service and insist it's used. If they don't have one I don't think their insurance would cover children being left alone in a room so I'd inform management of his intentions.

SoNotRainbowRhythms · 22/07/2021 22:33

Do you have a court order? If so I would apply for A prohibited steps order to prevent him from doing this. If not I would seek mediation or get a n app such as talking parents to communicate about contact so everything is documented in a way that is able to be used in court. But really you want to stop it in the first place. I would contact a Family lawyer for reliable advice on your options.

SquashMinusIsShit · 22/07/2021 22:33

Surely 'locking the door' is moot these days, don't most hotels have key cards to get in & you can just open the door from the inside.

Whatever, they sound like a bunch of morons. DD is 9 & no way would I leave her alone, two 6 year olds is even worse, imagine if they started daring each other to do daft things 😱

Flossing · 22/07/2021 22:39

@SquashMinusIsShit

Surely 'locking the door' is moot these days, don't most hotels have key cards to get in & you can just open the door from the inside.

Whatever, they sound like a bunch of morons. DD is 9 & no way would I leave her alone, two 6 year olds is even worse, imagine if they started daring each other to do daft things 😱

I think you are right about the door. This just gets worse and worse doesn't it.
GrandmasCat · 22/07/2021 22:40

Who knows, you may be surprised, perhaps his new partner and her family are in your side and won’t let him leave the children alone.

I know that my ex’s much younger girlfriend was 10 times a better parent than he was.

GrandmasCat · 22/07/2021 22:43

And yes, my bloody ex used to leave his 4 year old asleep on his own to go parting until the early hours, he didn’t need to go on holidays to be so irresponsible. His new partners stopped the nonsense I couldn’t stop through court’s order mediation as he just lied about it.

RubaDubMum89 · 22/07/2021 22:44

"He and his family told me that I was paranoid and ridiculous."

They've never heard of Madeline McCann then?

Honestly, I'd refuse to let my child go if she was going to be left alone at night in a hotel room. Absolutely anything could happen! It's not worth the risk and your ex/his sister / new partner etc are all arse holes and hugely irresponsible if they think this is OK!

maddy68 · 22/07/2021 22:48

I'm on the fence with this one. It depends where the room is in relation to where they are. It may be no different to being in a house. I actually didn't think you have a leg to stand on but you could say that you will only allow then to go if they are not left unattended.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 22/07/2021 22:51

@maddy68

I'm on the fence with this one. It depends where the room is in relation to where they are. It may be no different to being in a house. I actually didn't think you have a leg to stand on but you could say that you will only allow then to go if they are not left unattended.
In a house, no one is preventing you going upstairs to get them in an emergency.

In a hotel there is every possibility that you will be physically prevented from returning upstairs to the bedrooms in the case of an emergency.
Its unlikely to happen. But I couldn't bear the consequences if it did. It is NOT worth it.

RubaDubMum89 · 22/07/2021 22:51

@RedHelenB

Going against the grain but if they are asleep and being checked on every half hour and are in the same building its a very different scenario to the Mccans. Presumably the door would be locked too?
Hotel doors can be unlocked from the outside. My 4yo is perfectly able to turn the stiff house key in the lock and let herself out. I'd assume two 6 year old could manage to turn a lock between themselves and wander into the hotel corridor!
Sadiecow · 22/07/2021 22:53

@maddy68

I'm on the fence with this one. It depends where the room is in relation to where they are. It may be no different to being in a house. I actually didn't think you have a leg to stand on but you could say that you will only allow then to go if they are not left unattended.
It's in a hotel!?! How big is your house where you think the bedrooms are in close enough proximity to hear a child, when you're in a bar drunk?

OP has also made it very clear that saying "don't do it will be ignored"!

Jesus sone parents will never learn from the misfortune of others.

beigebrownblue · 22/07/2021 22:56

The macanns checked on their kids every half an hour.
Didn't you see the documentary.

cutebutscary · 22/07/2021 22:56

I couldn't have done this before the McCann child disappeared and remember being horrified that they did it at the time ( an how unapologetic they were for doing it, as if it was normal ) but why would you do it now ?! If it's in your power don't let them go ! Im not an overbearing parent by any stretch , but leaving them like this is something I would never ever risk

beigebrownblue · 22/07/2021 22:59

They don't have a passport. Problem solved.

My guess is your ex is pushing boundaries and actually trying to frighten you which is despicable.

he should be making sure you feel safe about it all.

It is despicable and inhuman trying to frighten a mother, and ultimately, her kids.

Whole discussion is pathetic and abusive on his part.

beigebrownblue · 22/07/2021 23:00

@SoNotRainbowRhythms

Do you have a court order? If so I would apply for A prohibited steps order to prevent him from doing this. If not I would seek mediation or get a n app such as talking parents to communicate about contact so everything is documented in a way that is able to be used in court. But really you want to stop it in the first place. I would contact a Family lawyer for reliable advice on your options.
Yes this.
robotcollision · 22/07/2021 23:00

YANBU. I've always thought it unacceptable to leave small children out of earshot in a strange place.

Sadiecow · 22/07/2021 23:01

@beigebrownblue

They don't have a passport. Problem solved.

My guess is your ex is pushing boundaries and actually trying to frighten you which is despicable.

he should be making sure you feel safe about it all.

It is despicable and inhuman trying to frighten a mother, and ultimately, her kids.

Whole discussion is pathetic and abusive on his part.

We have hotels in the UK and OP has already clarified that it is a UK visit.
Mumtwoboys90 · 22/07/2021 23:01

this actually happend to me as a child but even younger maybe 3 or 4 years old. I still vividly remember walking out of the hotel room crying and knocking on my parents door feeling completely confused and they had gone to dinner elsewhere in the hotel ...a member of staff found me and then took me to my parents...pretty bad really when you think.of all the things that could.go wrong