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AIBU?

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Original poster

He wants to leave them alone in a hotel room

262 replies

OrangeIsTheNewRed · 22/07/2021 19:36

I have twin dc (6) with my ex and we mostly manage to coparent quite successfully. Occasionally though we have difficulties because of our parenting styles are very different.

In a couple of weeks he is taking them on holiday with his family and new partner. They're staying in the UK but far away and will need to stay in a hotel overnight.

When we were together and stayed in hotels with his family, his sister would routinely leave her young dc alone in the room while the grown-ups had dinner elsewhere in the hotel. She and her partner would check on them every half hour or so throughout the evening. I always thought this was totally wrong and irresponsible and when ex and I had our own dc, I refused to leave them alone and would stay in the room with my dc whilst everyone else got drunk over a long dinner/wedding reception/whatever. He and his family told me that I was paranoid and ridiculous.

We are no longer together (thank God) but now they're going to stay in a hotel and I won't be there. I have asked him to promise me that he won't leave them on their own, but to know avail.

There are so many dangers. Fire, they might wake up and be scared, they could hurt themselves, a member of staff who could be anyone could access the room. Not to mention Madeleine Mcann.

What do I do? Can I stop him taking them altogether? Help.

And yes, name changed but I am a long time regular. Penis beaker, have you cancelled the cheque yet, etc.

OP posts:
CarnationCat · 22/07/2021 21:11

No way would I ever do this or ever be okay with my DC's father doing this.

I also agree with a pp about the group getting drunk. So the group of adults all get drunk and go back to the room, responsible for children? I don't like that one bit.

Original poster
OrangeIsTheNewRed · 22/07/2021 21:14

When I raised concerns about children being left alone in the past (when we were together) I was called 'overly health and safety' (by him) and loopy by his mum. He and his sister said that I was martyring myself by missing a wedding party to take my dc to bed and then staying in the room with them Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
OrangeIsTheNewRed · 22/07/2021 21:15

They're knobs, the lot of them, I'm afraid. What on earth was I thinking?!

OP posts:
Maggiesfarm · 22/07/2021 21:17

No way. They need an adult with them in the room.
I don't see why they can't take the children to dinner with them, we always did that with ours even when they were tiny.

It's not on. Find out the name of the hotel, phone and ask if they have a babysitting service.

Endofether · 22/07/2021 21:18

My first dd was born in 2002 and we went to a Torquay hotel for a family big birthday when she was approx 18 months old .. exh and his parents rhought I was nuts as wouldn’t leave dd asleep in hotel room while we ate downstairs ...

I just knew it wasn’t right and then poor MM happened .

Trust your instincts op - better paranoid than something happens

PurpleMustang · 22/07/2021 21:19

This is an awful situation and I wouldn't be wanting them to go over my dead body. This sort of thing to this type of person is ok until something goes wrong..but to what degree? I get something in text off him admitting he is going to do this, either after you speak to him or don't speak to him and do it all by text so written down. Could you, again by text, try and reason with anyone else going? I would also by trying to find out the hotel and report either to the hotel or the police to do a welfare check on them when you suspect they will be alone. But the first time anything happened, if you can't stop him, it would be the last he saw them for putting them in danger.

quizqueen · 22/07/2021 21:19

I would tell him you are going to call the hotel to report that children have been left on their own in one of their rooms. Why can't the kids go down to dinner with them and then just fall asleep on some seats!

Runmybathforme · 22/07/2021 21:20

I wouldn’t give a rats arse about upsetting his family, no way would they be going if they were mine. Poor little mites, what if they wake up ? Scared and alone ? So many things could happen.

PurpleOkapi · 22/07/2021 21:25

I wouldn't allow this if I had the power to prevent it. But if you'd rather try to stay on good terms, maybe you could call up the hotel and ask if there's someone you could hire to stay in the room with them until their father gets back. If you made the arrangements and paid for it yourself, there's be nothing much for anyone to object to. Obviously he should be doing all this himself, but sometimes it's just easier this way.

WimpoleHat · 22/07/2021 21:25

Madeleine McCann is a red herring; the chance of being abducted from a hotel room is vanishingly slim. But the chance of two six year olds ingesting vodka from the mini bar? Burning themselves on the in room kettle/hit tap? Strangling themselves on the blind cord? Being unable to get out in the event of a fire? Much more likely and a genuine cause for concern…..

WimpoleHat · 22/07/2021 21:25

hot tap, sorry.

Feedingthebirds1 · 22/07/2021 21:25

Worth seeing a solicitor to see if there's a legal way to stop him taking them?

I only ever heard my mother swear once in her life - and that was when she heard what the McCann's had done.

Original poster
OrangeIsTheNewRed · 22/07/2021 21:42

I'm going to phone my solicitor in the morning - still have one as still dealing with divorce matters 🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
VaccineSticker · 22/07/2021 21:44

That’s child neglect.
🤬

LH1987 · 22/07/2021 21:46

Absolutely wouldn’t let them go, a hotel will have master keys that it’s possible any staff member from possibly dozens or more could get hold of. Why take the risk for a dinner? ALOT can happen in an hour!

oakleaffy · 22/07/2021 21:46

No way!
Shades of a terrifying case in early 2000s

It isn’t safe to leave such young children.

Flossing · 22/07/2021 21:48

Don't worry about upsetting the family. You are absolutely right on this.

My only suggestion is to talk to the new gf? Maybe she's uncomfortable with it too. Maybe she won't be leaving her kids alone and will watch them all?

Don't be afraid to refuse them to go. No court in the land would side with him on this.

Flossing · 22/07/2021 21:50

Sorry I just realised you didn't mention her having kids. But maybe she could talk some sense into him?

SecretOfChange · 22/07/2021 21:51

If you can say no to the whole thing, do. You probably know instinctively whether you have a chance to ban children from going or not. You could engineer some 'paid for piano lessons' or some such that happen to take place at that time, to test waters. It might be he doesn't want or need children with him very much. In general though, taking children on holiday isn't wrong in itself so you may not be able to get anywhere with that request.

Failing that, I would ask which hotel they're going to be staying at. Not an unreasonable question, to want to know your kids location. Then if you get that info, call the hotel and find out what their policies are and ask if they can do you a favour and outline those policies at check-in. Something like 'children need to be supervised at all times, including at night'. Then I'd also call NSPCC for advice because whilst it may not change much right now, in the long term it's good to have your concerns logged if the situation escalates.

whatonearthnow · 22/07/2021 21:52

No way would I allow this. You have to say no.

gogohm · 22/07/2021 21:53

At 6 why can't they just stay with him?

Whimsy14 · 22/07/2021 21:55

You must not leave under 18s unattended in any rooms or public areas at any times. From the Travel Lodge web site. Premier Inn is the same
Not quite. This is from the Premier Inn website :

Those under 18 years old are not permitted to stay in a Premier Inn hotel unless a parent or guardian is also staying in the hotel.

FredBlankenship · 22/07/2021 21:55

@OrangeIsTheNewRed

I have twin dc (6) with my ex and we mostly manage to coparent quite successfully. Occasionally though we have difficulties because of our parenting styles are very different.

In a couple of weeks he is taking them on holiday with his family and new partner. They're staying in the UK but far away and will need to stay in a hotel overnight.

When we were together and stayed in hotels with his family, his sister would routinely leave her young dc alone in the room while the grown-ups had dinner elsewhere in the hotel. She and her partner would check on them every half hour or so throughout the evening. I always thought this was totally wrong and irresponsible and when ex and I had our own dc, I refused to leave them alone and would stay in the room with my dc whilst everyone else got drunk over a long dinner/wedding reception/whatever. He and his family told me that I was paranoid and ridiculous.

We are no longer together (thank God) but now they're going to stay in a hotel and I won't be there. I have asked him to promise me that he won't leave them on their own, but to know avail.

There are so many dangers. Fire, they might wake up and be scared, they could hurt themselves, a member of staff who could be anyone could access the room. Not to mention Madeleine Mcann.

What do I do? Can I stop him taking them altogether? Help.

And yes, name changed but I am a long time regular. Penis beaker, have you cancelled the cheque yet, etc.

...while the grown-ups had dinner elsewhere in the hotel. She and her partner would check on them every half hour or so throughout the evening.

There are only two words needed for this issue: Madalaine Mcann.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/07/2021 21:59

No I wouldn’t be ok with this and would fight to prevent him from taking them. It’s good to see you are going to get legal advice.

anniegun · 22/07/2021 22:05

These are the T'Cs of Travelodge and I suspect every chain hotel in the UK will be the same " We do not permit people under the age of 16 to stay alone in our hotels. You must not leave children unattended in any rooms or public areas at any times. "

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