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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He wants to leave them alone in a hotel room

262 replies

OrangeIsTheNewRed · 22/07/2021 19:36

I have twin dc (6) with my ex and we mostly manage to coparent quite successfully. Occasionally though we have difficulties because of our parenting styles are very different.

In a couple of weeks he is taking them on holiday with his family and new partner. They're staying in the UK but far away and will need to stay in a hotel overnight.

When we were together and stayed in hotels with his family, his sister would routinely leave her young dc alone in the room while the grown-ups had dinner elsewhere in the hotel. She and her partner would check on them every half hour or so throughout the evening. I always thought this was totally wrong and irresponsible and when ex and I had our own dc, I refused to leave them alone and would stay in the room with my dc whilst everyone else got drunk over a long dinner/wedding reception/whatever. He and his family told me that I was paranoid and ridiculous.

We are no longer together (thank God) but now they're going to stay in a hotel and I won't be there. I have asked him to promise me that he won't leave them on their own, but to know avail.

There are so many dangers. Fire, they might wake up and be scared, they could hurt themselves, a member of staff who could be anyone could access the room. Not to mention Madeleine Mcann.

What do I do? Can I stop him taking them altogether? Help.

And yes, name changed but I am a long time regular. Penis beaker, have you cancelled the cheque yet, etc.

OP posts:
CharityDingle · 22/07/2021 20:34

I meant to add, I wouldn't be happy with the arrangement proposed.

FlyingBattie · 22/07/2021 20:35

No way.
I think the risk of an abduction by a stranger is probably too small to worry about, but the risks of fire, waking up scared in an unfamiliar place, playing with the kettle/bath and getting burns, being sick and alone... all sound possible and real to me.
Hopefully someone can come along and give you some real advice.

LimeRedBanana · 22/07/2021 20:35

@CharityDingle

And yes, name changed but I am a long time regular. Penis beaker, have you cancelled the cheque yet, etc.

I don't really understand how that shows someone is a long term regular? It's not the first time I have seen posters use stuff like 'naice ham, pombears' etc to somehow show they are longterm regulars, I am just curious?

Not really the point of the thread, but…

These are things you’d only know about if you were a regular on MN…?

Wjevtvha · 22/07/2021 20:36

Just to be clear OP of course you can just say no they’re not coming and refuse to hand them over to go away; if he wanted to force it then he could get a court order but your argument would be that they are going to be left unsupervised and at risk.
Any of the staff members could come in
They could unlock the door and go wandering
There could be a fire and they wouldn’t know how to get out safely
One of them could be ill with no way of letting their dad know
Someone could knock at the door and convince them to open it
All significant risks.

Stompythedinosaur · 22/07/2021 20:37

It's a safeguarding issue. I wouldn't let them go. Consider a residency order if you think there might be any issues with having the dc returned to you as a consequence of this.

TwatyKaty · 22/07/2021 20:38

@Deathsquito

If they were my dc, the only way he’d be taking them is if he pulled them out of my cold dead hands.
This.
Rebornagain · 22/07/2021 20:38

You're projecting here though , has he said he will leave them? Would his new partner allow it?

He is probably doing this to rile you.

You can't stop them from going with there dad this holiday, this seems like control and irrational fear from you.

beigebrownblue · 22/07/2021 20:38

This is exactly what happened to Madeleine McCann.

Her parents (her mother a G.P)
thought it was okay to do this.

They went to a restaurant not far away, unfortunatley some abuser noticed their habits and the small child disappeared.

He would take my child and do this over my dead body, as others have said.

Ellie56 · 22/07/2021 20:38

I can't believe anybody still does this after what happened to Madeleine McCann. Shock

beigebrownblue · 22/07/2021 20:39

Projecting or not the very fact it has been mentioned is deeply disturbing.

Megasausagehead · 22/07/2021 20:40

@Rebornagain

You're projecting here though , has he said he will leave them? Would his new partner allow it?

He is probably doing this to rile you.

You can't stop them from going with there dad this holiday, this seems like control and irrational fear from you.

What?

He has done it historically and called OP silly for objecting.

Of course she can protect her children. There isn't a court order saying otherwise.

pinkcircustop · 22/07/2021 20:40

YANBU and I wouldn’t be letting them go.

beigebrownblue · 22/07/2021 20:41

@FlyingBattie

No way. I think the risk of an abduction by a stranger is probably too small to worry about, but the risks of fire, waking up scared in an unfamiliar place, playing with the kettle/bath and getting burns, being sick and alone... all sound possible and real to me. Hopefully someone can come along and give you some real advice.
That is not too small to worry about. The risk is there, enough said.
FlyingBattie · 22/07/2021 20:42

@RedHelenB

Going against the grain but if they are asleep and being checked on every half hour and are in the same building its a very different scenario to the Mccans. Presumably the door would be locked too?
It is a different scenario but has very real risks. Fire, child falls and is injured, child raids mini bar (which is fine if they raid the food, OPs partner will get the bill, not so much if they drink anything unsuitable...), child decides to run a bath for themselves and burns themselves, child watches sometime unsuitable on TV, child becomes ill and frightened, child discovers their fathers lighter and plays with it... There are a thousand things that could end in disaster. Door being locked is actually worse, because at least maybe in an emergency the children would think to get out of the room.
youdoyoutoday · 22/07/2021 20:42

They wouldn't be going, it's that simple.

Fluffyunicornstuff · 22/07/2021 20:42

I wouldn’t let them go. I recently stayed in a hotel with my kids and they could easily have opened the door and left the room themselves!

Imagine if they did that to go looking for their Dad and got lost / kidnapped / into some other sort of trouble!

beigebrownblue · 22/07/2021 20:42

And yes, you can stop them.
Where are the children's passports?

If you have them, keep them.

If necessary contact the police.

FlyingBattie · 22/07/2021 20:43

That is not too small to worry about.
The risk is there, enough said

Of course it is there, but it wouldn't be my primary worry at all. Not that would leave my children in a room alone, of course! But abduction would be very low down my risk of worries (although as you said, if it's on the list at all, thats enough)

myspicynutsarefried · 22/07/2021 20:45

Does the hotel offer a listening in service? Some family hotels offer a listening in service or baby sitting service. Otherwise it's really not okay.

Original poster
OrangeIsTheNewRed · 22/07/2021 20:45

I have their passports but the holiday is within the UK so they won't be able them.

I'm going to try talking sense to him tomorrow... It is so so difficult.

OP posts:
vdbfamily · 22/07/2021 20:45

could you get him one of those two way monitors so they can speak to him directly if worried and he can hear if they call it or if any other noises. We have done this in a hotel before. There are so many factors really. It's it a big hotel or are they nearby. Are they likely to get upset if they wake up or are they a support to each other? They could phone dad if worried. If a small hotel they could probably go and find him. My brother, at the age of 4, walked to meet me from school a mile away with our German shepherd on a lead. He was fine.

DonnaDonna01 · 22/07/2021 20:46

@beigebrownblue
OP has already said the father is taking them away in this country so unfortunately no need for passports.

Toomuchtooyoung01 · 22/07/2021 20:46

Yeah no way would I allow them to go.

Kanaloa · 22/07/2021 20:48

I’m so relaxed (can’t believe when people won’t leave a teenager at home alone, perplexed by people who think a child can’t be trusted to do any chores) but I would be so worried about this. I don’t know what you could do about it, other than just refuse to let them go.

Minfilia · 22/07/2021 20:48

But he hasn’t actually said he intends to leave them alone, right?

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