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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He wants to leave them alone in a hotel room

262 replies

OrangeIsTheNewRed · 22/07/2021 19:36

I have twin dc (6) with my ex and we mostly manage to coparent quite successfully. Occasionally though we have difficulties because of our parenting styles are very different.

In a couple of weeks he is taking them on holiday with his family and new partner. They're staying in the UK but far away and will need to stay in a hotel overnight.

When we were together and stayed in hotels with his family, his sister would routinely leave her young dc alone in the room while the grown-ups had dinner elsewhere in the hotel. She and her partner would check on them every half hour or so throughout the evening. I always thought this was totally wrong and irresponsible and when ex and I had our own dc, I refused to leave them alone and would stay in the room with my dc whilst everyone else got drunk over a long dinner/wedding reception/whatever. He and his family told me that I was paranoid and ridiculous.

We are no longer together (thank God) but now they're going to stay in a hotel and I won't be there. I have asked him to promise me that he won't leave them on their own, but to know avail.

There are so many dangers. Fire, they might wake up and be scared, they could hurt themselves, a member of staff who could be anyone could access the room. Not to mention Madeleine Mcann.

What do I do? Can I stop him taking them altogether? Help.

And yes, name changed but I am a long time regular. Penis beaker, have you cancelled the cheque yet, etc.

OP posts:
JoborPlay · 22/07/2021 20:49

I wouldn't try and talk sense to him, he won't listen.

I would however allow covid to work in your favour. ..do I feel a fever coming on?

DingleyDel · 22/07/2021 20:50

Tbh I think it really depends. Large hotel with room miles away/kids that don’t sleep reliably/ adults that are likely to get drunk and forget to check up no way. I’ve done this (will be roasted on here I’m sure). Small hotel with Restaurant directly below room with one staircase up and down (we could see if anyone was ascending) and checked on dc (who reliably never stirred once asleep) every half hour. I don’t really see how it’s that different to being downstairs in your own home but it sounds like you don’t trust your ex or his family to keep them safe. I think ultimately it comes down to that. Have they actually said that this is what they’re planning?

GoWalkabout · 22/07/2021 20:51

Tell him no way because of fire risk. He can't tell them to not leave the room for any reason while also ensuring that they respond to a fire alarm in the event of him not being able to get to them.

speakout · 22/07/2021 20:52

You must not leave under 18s unattended in any rooms or public areas at any times.

From the Travel Lodge web site.

Premier Inn is the same.

I would imagine most hotels will not allow this OP- unless they have a listening service.
I would check with the hotel- give them a call.
I wouldn;t be handing over my kids in your position.

Saidtoomuch · 22/07/2021 20:52

Can you get them GPS tracker smart watches to wear whilst they are away?
Also if you can't stop him taking them, this is a good idea. Call the hotel around the time he would usually have left them alone, and say "I believe my young children have been left unattended in a room at your hotel. The book is under Mr. X. Could a member of staff please inspect the room. If my children are unattended, please call the police."
I'm another one who was woken up by what happened to poor little Madeleine.

Bollindger · 22/07/2021 20:54

Teach your children how to use a mobile, and hide one in the case.
Also show they how to call reception.
If they know not to leave the room, but call you. Also tell him you will REPORT him if he does it.

ittakes2 · 22/07/2021 20:54

Most hotels have baby sitters they are usually people who work at the hotel and have a vested interest in doing a good baby sitting job or they would lose their other job. Could you email the hotel and ask if they do this and if yes how much it would be?
I agree with you its crazy behaviour.
We also used to keep our kids up for dinner and then a lie in for all so bonus! I suspect he wants to go out drinking so this makes it worse.

Paddling654 · 22/07/2021 20:55

Rebornagain

How is it irrational? This is the cultural practice within the family and she knows her ex supports it. It would be irrational for her to assume he will make a choice against the grain when he doesn't hold that opinion.

TheCrowening · 22/07/2021 20:57

Not a chance I’d be waving them off with him if I thought he was going to do this. No way on Earth. There’s different parenting styles, and then there’s idiocy.

HarrisMcCoo · 22/07/2021 20:57

Or take it in turns to eat dinner with different relatives so there's always an adult in the hotel room with the children.

We tended to eat our main meal at lunch time and snacked in hotel room in the evenings so that the children were never left alone.

MrsMillhouse · 22/07/2021 20:57

I think we all know which terrible incident our minds go to when we think about kids been left alone in hotel rooms

Palaver1 · 22/07/2021 20:58

The whole idea is for you to have some time to yourself if he takes the children,this is not the case the amount of worry is not even worth it.
He is so un responsible to even suggest such an act he is so wrong.

Paddling654 · 22/07/2021 20:58

Can you ask him via text if he is planning to leave the children alone in the bedroom?

I suppose that could leave you worse off if he lies and says what you want to hear as then you'd have no justification for not letting them go.

It really doesn't sound like an appropriate venue for children after a certain hour.

Pingued · 22/07/2021 20:59

[quote GnomeDePlume]@Pingued the problem is that on the way to the holiday the family group is stopping overnight in a hotel with seemingly every intention of leaving the 6 year old twins to sleep alone while the rest of the family have dinner elsewhere in the hotel.[/quote]
Yes thanks. Sorry!

Not on

MissyB1 · 22/07/2021 20:59

@beigebrownblue

This is exactly what happened to Madeleine McCann.

Her parents (her mother a G.P)
thought it was okay to do this.

They went to a restaurant not far away, unfortunatley some abuser noticed their habits and the small child disappeared.

He would take my child and do this over my dead body, as others have said.

Why just mention the mum and her job? Dad was a Cardiologist so what? Both parents made the decision.
BorderlineHappy · 22/07/2021 21:02

Why bother bringing the DC if he's just going to leave them in a hotel room alone.

They're way too young and the risk is just too great.

If you're talking to him tomorrow do it by email or text Then there can be no misunderstanding.And it's all there in black and white.

WetWeekends · 22/07/2021 21:02

@skodadoda

Are you sure it’s not illegal to leave 6 year olds alone in a hotel room? I can imagine it being considered neglect which is obviously illegal. Maybe I’m wrong

There’s no specific law about age. The law is about putting a child at risk of harm.

I realise that, but surely a reasonable person would feel a 6 year old would definitely be at risk of harm alone in a hotel room.
Lulu1919 · 22/07/2021 21:02

Is there a baby listening device or monitor
When mine were small we stayed a few times at a family hotel in Cornwall....they had a dedicated member of staff who monitored all the rooms IF asked of course and would come and eat you if they heard anything ...

FlyingBattie · 22/07/2021 21:03

@speakout

You must not leave under 18s unattended in any rooms or public areas at any times.

From the Travel Lodge web site.

Premier Inn is the same.

I would imagine most hotels will not allow this OP- unless they have a listening service.
I would check with the hotel- give them a call.
I wouldn;t be handing over my kids in your position.

Under 18s seems a very extreme policy. A 17 year old is quite able to be left unattended if necessary! Must be an insurance thing.
Lulu1919 · 22/07/2021 21:05

@Lulu1919

Is there a baby listening device or monitor When mine were small we stayed a few times at a family hotel in Cornwall....they had a dedicated member of staff who monitored all the rooms IF asked of course and would come and eat you if they heard anything ...
Get you ....not eat you ! We could also book a baby sitter or they had a kids club that ran over adult meal times.
Cleverpolly3 · 22/07/2021 21:06

@MissyB1
Good point

They were BOTH absolutely bloody stupid

@OrangeIsTheNewRed this is an awful situation. Sorry but if that’s been made clear to me that this is their planned course of action then they are not fit to have the children.

Let him kick off about it
If he wants to take you to court let him.

With six year olds things can still happen in the blink of an eye. Probably, hopefully nothing but the risk is there.
Sorry you are having to deal with this
A decent parent would never do this.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 22/07/2021 21:06

Besides leaving the DC alone in a hotel room I wouldn't be too happy about all the adults getting pissed either.

Signoramarella · 22/07/2021 21:06

Fuck that. As one poster said... call the hotel.. grass him up. What a dickweed. My ex is an alcoholic, I can't leave the kids with him. It's shit as I never get a break. But, can you imagine if they get hurt on his watch???

Glitterspy · 22/07/2021 21:07

Hard no from me, I wouldn’t leave two 6 year olds. I remember my parents leaving my brother and me as children so they could have dinner downstairs in hotels (smallish British seaside type places, not big abroad hotels)…they used to take it in turns to come up between courses. We came to no harm. But for my own family - no way.

FlyingBattie · 22/07/2021 21:08

Why just mention the mum and her job? Dad was a Cardiologist so what? Both parents made the decision

And it's irrelevant to their parenting. Doctors are human and fuck up in their personal lives as much as anyone else. We can't hold two doctors to a higher standard of basic parenting than anybody else.

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