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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think Dsis was not broke and shouldn't have accepted lunch!?

205 replies

everythingyouneed · 22/07/2021 18:31

Long story short we were out for the morning...my dsis kept saying she wanted to get home for lunch time to feed the kids and wouldn't have lunch out as she was broke. Fair enough. Anyway timings went awry and we ended up in the middle of town at prime lunch time. I wanted lunch and so did my dc. Dsis said no she was going to get back to the car as she couldn't afford it. I said " oh come on I'll pay it's not a big deal!" So I bought lunch. All good. It was nice, all was eaten.

The very next day I rang my Dsis and as we were talking she said, my tyre got a puncture this morning so I'm in getting a new tyre as it can't be fixed. I said "oh dear are you ok for money?" She said "ah yeah I just transferred it out of the savings!

Aibu to think she could have done that the day before at lunch rather than letting me pay? I know I was happy to and I offered but I'm just a bit...Hmm now!!

OP posts:
beastlyslumber · 22/07/2021 20:14

YABU and you sound like hard work.

Mrsmadevans · 22/07/2021 20:14

YABVU

Nietzschethehiker · 22/07/2021 20:16

What on earth is going on , this is the third thread I've seen in I think 2 or three days with the same issue (different posters I think but I don't pay alot of attention to usernames).

This issue is really simple. Don't offer if you don't want to pay. Why are people being so nasty and passive aggressive?

It's the third time where someone has specifically said "I'll pay I don't mind" then promptly gone on to have a strop.

Honestly why? Your dsis was absolutely right. She said she would happily go home and eat. She told you she didn't want to eat out. You also have no idea whether that was all of her savings she had to transfer for the tyre. Or that she needed the rest for something else.

If you don't want to pay with good grace....do...not...offer.

This is really not rocket science.

Whimsy14 · 22/07/2021 20:23

I honestly can't see why you are begrudging paying for a lunch! It wasn't a Michelin star restaurant was it?
I wouldn't be giving it a second thought, and I'm not wealthy.

Winterflower84 · 22/07/2021 20:30

You're just such a mean sister! As a sister, you should've been happy to learn she had a savings account for emergencies, not count the money you spent on her.
Absolutely pathetic!

namechange30455 · 22/07/2021 20:30

I think you were actually really pushy and odd keeping on at her to have lunch out when she had said she wouldn't several times. You said yourself it's "not a big deal" so why are you now making it into one?

Would you rather she'd used her emergency savings to pay for things like her lunch out with you, and then couldn't afford the new tyre?!

Wolfiefan · 22/07/2021 20:33

YABU
She didn’t have money to spare for lunch.
She had to take money out of her savings for an essential expense.

Worstyear2020 · 22/07/2021 20:35

You have a sensible sister.

warmfluffytowels · 22/07/2021 20:38

YABU.

Savings are for essentials - like car tyres. Not for lunch out when you have plenty of suitable food to eat at home.

ChittyChittyBangBangChicken · 22/07/2021 20:38

On the bright side, now you know that when she's "broke" it doesn't mean she's literally penniless, so you won't have to feel guilty for not offering to pay for her lunch.

CazM2012 · 22/07/2021 20:42

Also not sure if anyone has said but I would lie about using savings when in reality it would have gone on a credit card that would have taken a while to get straight again because I would be embarrassed to say the truth.

cadburyegg · 22/07/2021 20:42

Surely this is a reverse Confused

YABU. I have savings, I have a “car fund” which I dip into if my car needs repairs. I wouldn’t dip into it for a lunch out, as soon as my “disposable” money for the month has gone, I wouldn’t go out for lunch, but if my car needed a new tyre, of course I’d have to find a way to pay for it.

Palaver1 · 22/07/2021 20:50

My gosh she’s your sister and you come on here to talk about this .
YABVVVU

WomanStanleyWoman · 22/07/2021 20:57

But that’s what savings are for? Emergencies like a puncture, not lunch.

‘Emergency savings - for punctures, not lunchers’.

Iwantamarshmallowman · 22/07/2021 21:03

YABU

Nononsense2 · 22/07/2021 21:03

YABVU. Enough said!

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 22/07/2021 21:12

So your sister told you several times she needed to be back at lunch time, you offered to pay for lunch and now she needed an emergency car repair you are moaning!
Is this the top and bottom of it?
Yabvu

BuffyFanForever · 22/07/2021 21:27

She sensibly has emergency savings, she was clear she did not have funds for a frivolous lunch and you insisted. She was not BU at all

yourestandingonmyneck · 22/07/2021 21:28

@everythingyouneed

Did you only offer to pay for lunch because you took her saying she was ‘broke’ completely literally and thought she didn’t have a penny to her name

Yep..."broke" to me means literally no money...I assumed she had no money whatsoever. I wouldn't say I was broke if I had savings I would just say I don't want to pay for a lunch out.

I'm not loaded but I'm comfortable. I have enough in savings to buy myself a lot of lunches.

But if I have had an expensive month and spent more than usual I might say "I'm broke." I don't think you literally have to have not a penny to your name to say that; I think in this situation it really just means "I don't want to spend money on this".

Regardless, I don't think your sister has done anything that warrants your annoyance. The alternative would have been she said "fck it, I'll dip into my Davis to buy lunch" then possibly have to ask someone to borrow money to pay for new tyre.

Would you have preferred that?

I think you are just over reacting a little bit.
The only way I would be annoyed was if the sister was significantly better off than me.

I have a friend who always claims to be "broke." When we would go out, I would always pay. Until I found out she had a HUGE amount of savings. HUGE. And she would do this even when I was not well off - on mat leave / between jobs / studying as a mature student.

That really, really pissed me off. But I don't think it's the case here, is it? I think you just need to look at it from a budgeting point of view - she has a savings pot for things like car repairs.

User135792468 · 22/07/2021 21:32

I’m glad you’re not my sister.

Peaplant20 · 22/07/2021 21:37

If she used her savings to pay for lunch every time she was in town when she could easily eat at home she wouldn’t have much savings left!

WindyWindsor · 22/07/2021 22:07

She has savings for a rainy day. She's using some of those rainy day savings to fix a tyre puncture. She is not using the rainy day fund to pay for a lunch she made it clear she didn't even want. If she used those savings for anything and everything then she would not have savings anymore. She sounds sensible with her money to me.

YABU

AnUnoriginalUsername · 22/07/2021 22:18

You practically forced her. She said multiple times she wanted to go home and didn't want to buy lunch. I think you were rude and are very unreasonable that she caved to you pressuring her.
Fixing a car is essential, lunch out is not. YABVU.

StrawberrySquash · 22/07/2021 22:23

YABU. I can't afford it doesn't mean you literally don't have that sum of money, although it can. It also means this is not a way I can choose to spend my money if I'm to budget properly.
I wanted to go to a nice restaurant once, my friend said she couldn't afford it so I paid. I'm sure she had 50 quid in the bank, but I knew she wasn't earning that much, and recognised that it was me that wanted the dinner, so paid quite happily.
It's really annoying when people try to push you into spending money that doesn't fit the way you want to spend.

Fros · 22/07/2021 22:25

Is this going to turn out to be another reverse?

I have an emergency fund, which as the name would suggest is for emergencies - I wouldn't dip into it for a meal out, but I would use it for repairs

If I was out with someone, had told them that I was broke so didn't want to eat out, they offered to buy me a meal because they hadn't accommodated my plans to eat that meal at home, and then they accused me of being a cf because I then had an emergency and used my emergency fund for its intended purpose, I'd not want to be spending any more time with them!

You have different financial priorities, you can accept that or you can avoid situations where money is involved, but stop feeling butthurt - she didn't ask you to pay, she didn't steal from you, she only accepted an offer you made