Aibu to think Dsis was not broke and shouldn't have accepted lunch!?

[everythingyouneed]

Long story short we were out for the morning...my dsis kept saying she wanted to get home for lunch time to feed the kids and wouldn't have lunch out as she was broke. Fair enough. Anyway timings went awry and we ended up in the middle of town at prime lunch time. I wanted lunch and so did my dc. Dsis said no she was going to get back to the car as she couldn't afford it. I said " oh come on I'll pay it's not a big deal!" So I bought lunch. All good. It was nice, all was eaten.

The very next day I rang my Dsis and as we were talking she said, my tyre got a puncture this morning so I'm in getting a new tyre as it can't be fixed. I said "oh dear are you ok for money?" She said "ah yeah I just transferred it out of the savings!

Aibu to think she could have done that the day before at lunch rather than letting me pay? I know I was happy to and I offered but I'm just a bit... now!!

[Maryann1975]

I’ve been where your sister is now financially. Good for her for not frittering away her savings on lunch out, at the start of the school holidays, knowing there are another 5 weeks left to entertain the dc. And there is no way I would have gone in to savings To pay for lunch. You have no idea of the level of her savings. What happens if the washing machine breaks down next week, then the hoover goes bang the week after, closely followed by another expensive car bill. (Those three things happened to me All in one month a few years ago). Savings do not last forever and it sounds like you have a very sensible sister. Don’t offer to buy her anything next time you meet up if it bothers you that much.

[H65447788888]

i HATE IT when people say there Soooo broke but have savings!! Your not broke when you have £20,000 in savings you just don’t want to spend any of it.. this has been the case for two of my friends. When I say I’m broke I am BROKE with 5p left in my bank till payday and nothing else. So insulting. I think she’s being cheeky.

[blubberyboo]

Have you considered that the savings may also have been for another 3rd planned expenditure, big holiday, home improvement or something. She has now had to dip into it to pay for an essential tyre and you want to make her feel guilty for a lunch that she clearly didn’t want and you pressured her into. Presumably you going on about it delayed lunch further so she probably gave in rather than risk her and dcs going hangry waiting to get home

[ohthatbloodycat]

You're sisters! Life's too short for paying for a lunch

[a8mint]

It wasnt that she was skint, it was that she wasn't fussed enough about having lunch out to think it worth the money.She made that abundantly clear IMO

[lastcall]

@FunnyInjury

I say I'm broke all the time 🤷‍♀️ what it really means is I dont have any spare money available that is not ear-marked for bill's and necessities etc. (My necessities).
Makes perfect sense to me. Why would I go into my monthly budget with someone over a lunch out

I don't do it at the point its happening though tbf. I'd have left to go home in time for lunch.

Exactly this.

My money is spent on things we prioritise, not overpriced lunches out due to someone else's (people like OP) poor planning.

OP, your sister wanted to get her kids home to eat where she knew she had food she'd already purchased; you didn't. That's not an emergency spend from her perspective, nor is it a necessary treat. She stayed because you pushed her into it.

[Sillawithans]

I'm glad I live in a world where I'm happy to buy my sister lunch without starting a thread about it. My sister is well of and I would still buy her lunch.

[GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing]

Yabu because she hadn’t wanted to stay for lunch and spend her money. You did want to and offered to pay. You persuaded her.

I agree savings are for things like emergencies and not a lunch out.

[EdgeOfACoin]

I think this is a reverse, but if not, YABU.

[Ifitquacks]

@H65447788888

i HATE IT when people say there Soooo broke but have savings!! Your not broke when you have £20,000 in savings you just don’t want to spend any of it.. this has been the case for two of my friends. When I say I’m broke I am BROKE with 5p left in my bank till payday and nothing else. So insulting. I think she’s being cheeky.

She said no to having lunch out multiple times. Her sister forced her into it. And she’s being cheeky?! So weird.
I’m ‘broke’. I have about £50 left in my current account until pay day. I also have £10k in accessible savings and £20k in investments that I can’t access. I would decline going out for lunch at the moment as I don’t have money available for lunch. If someone then forced me into it and chose to pay, that’s their issue.

[Ninkanink]

If you have a very low income to work with there will be no means of saving so broke will mean no more money left to spend at all. Likewise, if you have a good income but spend all of it every month then broke will also mean no money left to spend at all. If you’ve got an emergency savings fund then that money absolutely does not get touched every time you might see something nice in a shop or every time your friend/sister/colleague/whoever wants to eat out - otherwise you would not have an emergency savings fund... You don’t touch it unless you actually have to so it doesn’t count as available money at that point. Hence you are broke when it comes to fripperies like eating out.

[whynotwhatknot]

Yeah sorry you did force the issue and savings are fixing things i.e tyres shouldnt be used to buy lunches

if she said straight away can you buy me lunch maybe that would have been cheeky but you offered twice so yabu

I wish my own sister was as frugal she just spends everything she has and cant afford bloody emergencies

[TotorosCatBus]

Having read your second post, it's clearly a difference in interpretation. Like your sister I think that savings are for things like tyres and not eating out imo. By broke I would assume that she didn't have spare money for eating out. There might be money in the account for bills between now and pay day so it's not zero

[Spidey66]

Your sister sounds much more financially sussed than you.

I'll often describe myself as broke at the end of the month and unable to afford a night out or something, but would have money put by if the boiler broke down.

She said several times she was going home for lunch. You were the one who foisted it upon her.....and now you're having a go for her good money skills?

[ladygindiva]

@DysmalRadius

I said " oh come on I'll pay it's not a big deal!" So I bought lunch. All good. It was nice, all was eaten.

What you should have said is 'this is a massive deal and by insisting that I pay for the lunch you clearly stated you didn't want to buy, I am reserving the right to judge all your future spending and decide on your behalf whether you can afford things or not.'

This op. Give your head a wobble.

[LizzieW1969]

Savings are meant to be dipped into for emergencies, and a new tyre qualifies for this whereas lunch lunch out with her DSis clearly doesn’t.

YABU. She was happy to go home for lunch, you’re the one who pushed hard for her to eat out with you.

[pleasedonttextmyman]

Obviously YABU

[AryaStarkWolf]

YABU, you pretty much forced her to go to lunch when she wanted to go home, she didn't want to use her saving to pay for lunch

[fourandnomore]

YABVU

[WomanStanleyWoman]

@H65447788888

i HATE IT when people say there Soooo broke but have savings!! Your not broke when you have £20,000 in savings you just don’t want to spend any of it.. this has been the case for two of my friends. When I say I’m broke I am BROKE with 5p left in my bank till payday and nothing else. So insulting. I think she’s being cheeky.

But the amount your friends have in savings is irrelevant. The OP’s sister might only have £500 for all you know.

[Wannakisstheteacher]

Your poor sister. She didn’t want to pay for lunch but you forced her hand and now resent her for it. The fact she’s using savings for a tyre suggests she’s clearly not rolling in it.

[MarkRuffaloCrumble]

Are you one of those people who thinks anyone on benefits should sell their TV too? There’s different levels of “broke”.

Some people can afford to buy new tyres from their current account. - it’s only a few hundred quid.

Others need to use a credit card or their savings (emergency fund) because they don’t have a few hundred quid available or spare.

Others still have not a penny in savings or a credit card available - either because they’re not eligible for one, or have spend up to the max on it, or the interest is so high it’s not worth using it.

The first person could easily afford lunch out, but may have already spend their “eating out budget” that week.

They may not want to eat out as they have perfectly good food that needs using at home and will otherwise end up in the bin.

Or maybe they don’t want to eat out with the particular person they’re with because that person is an insufferable judgy twat.

Nobody knows about anyone else’s circumstances, so if you offer to pay for someone’s lunch because you can then don’t go on to judge them for accepting your offer. M
YAB massively U.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

@everythingyouneed

Did you only offer to pay for lunch because you took her saying she was ‘broke’ completely literally and thought she didn’t have a penny to her name

Yep..."broke" to me means literally no money...I assumed she had no money whatsoever. I wouldn't say I was broke if I had savings I would just say I don't want to pay for a lunch out.

Replacing the tyre was what is called a ‘distress purchase’ - something you don’t want to buy, but you have no choice - she needs transport, so she has to repair the car. But buying lunch in town is not a necessity - it’s a luxury, and if money is tight for her, I can quite understand why she doesn’t want to pay for luxuries out of her savings - she might have to dip into them for emergencies like a car repair, but can’t afford to fritter them away for luxuries.

She did offer to wait in the car, and you offered to buy her lunch - her offer was reasonable and polite, your offer of lunch was kind, and she was not unreasonable to take you up on it.

And if you look at it differently - the whole incident demonstrates what a good relationship the two of you have - she felt able to be honest with you about not being able to afford lunch, and about paying for the tyre from savings, and you are a generous sister who cares and is willing to treat her sister.

[vivainsomnia]

If she's said that she was broke and expected you to pay, then that you could have a point. However what happened was that she didn't want to spend money, when she needs to account for every penny, on a meal that she doesn't need. She had planned to go home and eat there. You however really wanted to eat out and didn't want to go home, and you offered to pay because you wanted her company.

Whether she was indeed totally broke or just broke in a metaphor way is not the issue. The issue is that she was very happy to go home but you wanted her to join you to have a meal out, so it was reasonable that you should have paid under these circumstances.

[EmeraldShamrock]

Yabvvvu. You offered then insisted.