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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think Dsis was not broke and shouldn't have accepted lunch!?

205 replies

everythingyouneed · 22/07/2021 18:31

Long story short we were out for the morning...my dsis kept saying she wanted to get home for lunch time to feed the kids and wouldn't have lunch out as she was broke. Fair enough. Anyway timings went awry and we ended up in the middle of town at prime lunch time. I wanted lunch and so did my dc. Dsis said no she was going to get back to the car as she couldn't afford it. I said " oh come on I'll pay it's not a big deal!" So I bought lunch. All good. It was nice, all was eaten.

The very next day I rang my Dsis and as we were talking she said, my tyre got a puncture this morning so I'm in getting a new tyre as it can't be fixed. I said "oh dear are you ok for money?" She said "ah yeah I just transferred it out of the savings!

Aibu to think she could have done that the day before at lunch rather than letting me pay? I know I was happy to and I offered but I'm just a bit...Hmm now!!

OP posts:
Imnothereforthedrama · 22/07/2021 19:00

I agree you are totally being unreasonable a tyre is essential so she had no choice to move out of savings . She didn’t want to go for lunch but you said you’d pay . Yabu unless she does this all the time hopefully she’ll treat you when she can .

canigooutyet · 22/07/2021 19:00

Oh I never admit to savings. I'm always broke. Amazing how many people have emergencies when they find out you could possibly help them out.

I also say I am broke when I don't want to buy something out especially when like lunch I have the food at home.

Saying to someone oh I have savings, nag nag nag until they relent and dip into savings.

People are weird when it comes to them wanting to spend your money on shit you don't want to spend it on.

Maybe next time when she says no perhaps listen to her.

Count yourself lucky. If I was your sister you would be posting asking if it was right to be told to fuck off I told you I'm going home.

startrek90 · 22/07/2021 19:00

Yabu. Emergency funds are just that. They are for emergencies. A tyre is an emergency expense, a lunch out is not.

Plus your sister said she couldn't afford lunch out and you insisted. That's on you. She didn't ask. In future don't offer to pay for something if you are going to attach strings to it, it's not nice.

Faevern · 22/07/2021 19:01

I have turned down invitations and said I can’t afford it when I have plenty of savings but spent up on my regular spending. It’s about priorities so I could easy say no I’m skint this week which is the same as saying I’m broke is it not?

She made it clear she didn’t want to pay for lunch, she told you she wanted to go home, was she supposed to say no I will not accept lunch, goodbye? You said it’s no big deal. Why judge her and make it one then?

MrsWhites · 22/07/2021 19:02

Have to say YABU. Broke surely implies you have no ‘available/disposable’ income to spend on things that you don’t essentially need. Savings is a completely separate thing and sounds like your sister is fairly smart with her budgeting in that respect.

You probably put her in a bit of a rubbish situation without realising. I know if I tell my kids no treats today or whatever they would definitely push the boundaries more if their aunt and cousins were getting something that I’d said no to previously.

CanofCant · 22/07/2021 19:02

I'm also impressed by her budgetary discipline. YABU, for all the reasons already given.

BillyWhozz · 22/07/2021 19:05

YABU. She sounds like she has a great handle on her finances.

IHaveBrilloHair · 22/07/2021 19:05

Yabvu

Queynte13 · 22/07/2021 19:05

But if you spend savings frivolously, they're no longer savings but "spendings".

DGFB · 22/07/2021 19:06

I’m like your sister and Don’t want to spend money on things like lunch or drinks out if we have things at home. But I’ll splash on a luxury holiday. It’s about priorities.
To be fair, you made her stay

PurpleWaterBlue · 22/07/2021 19:07

You trying to whip up some froth for your Latte?

Hard to believe anyone could be quite so obtuse.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 22/07/2021 19:09

YABU

I'd have said I was skint as well. She didn't want to pay for lunch, she doesn't have spare money to throw away. Maybe she thought if you knew she had savings then you'd have forced her to spend money she didn't want to spend.

You offered to pay, you were pushing it so it's all on you.

DanniDuck · 22/07/2021 19:10

This reply has been deleted

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Member869894 · 22/07/2021 19:10

YABU.

tallduckandhandsome · 22/07/2021 19:11

Now you know not to offer to pay, she has savings.

RaininSummer · 22/07/2021 19:12

I don't think drawing savings to buy lunch is sensible tbh so I do agree with your sister. She was happy to go home.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 22/07/2021 19:12

Is this a reverse?

Nobody can be that daft to get upset that their sister bought a tyre after they insisted on paying for lunch the day before.

DowntonCrabby · 22/07/2021 19:14

Of course YABU is this a reverse?

Micemakingclothes · 22/07/2021 19:14

She was budgeting responsibly.

If you think someone has to literally have no money to not be able to afford something, then you probably have financial problems yourself.

Fiddliestofsticks · 22/07/2021 19:15

You are entirely wrong. Completely.

I have savings. They are for emergencies. When I've spent my spending budget for the month, that's it. I don't go out for a lunch. She told you very clearly, and repeatedly that she would not be buying a lunch because she was making it at home. Even at "prime lunch time" she was going to go home to eat. You are the one who wanted lunch, you offered to pay and she accepted. If you don't want to pay then don't offer.

You are entirely wrong to expect her to use her savings to pay for a lunch she told you over and over that she would not be having. Your sister hasn't done anything wrong at all.

NothingIsWrong · 22/07/2021 19:16

I have a car emergency fund as it is utterly essential for me to work. I often make plans around not spending money as there isn't enough money left at the end of the month.

Good job really, I had a slow puncture the other day so took it to my usual place for a £20 repair. Both front tyres were on the limit so as a responsible driver I used the slush fund to pay £170 for two new ones. I do not spend that money on lunch.

SeasonFinale · 22/07/2021 19:16

I hope your sister is on MN and knows next time to stick to her guns and go home to save her sister bitching about her online

BobLemon · 22/07/2021 19:17

Shoulda turned voting on for this one.

YABU, incase another confirmation of that is needed.

Ifitquacks · 22/07/2021 19:17

If she made a habit of transferring money from her savings for lunch, it probably wouldn’t take long before she didn’t have enough savings for something essential like a new tyre.
She didn’t want to go out for lunch. You pressured her into it. Why should she spend money on something she didn’t want to do?

Howshouldibehave · 22/07/2021 19:17

@DowntonCrabby

Of course YABU is this a reverse?
I’m starting to think that! Hopefully not though as they are so bloody irritating.
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