Aibu to think Dsis was not broke and shouldn't have accepted lunch!?

[everythingyouneed]

Long story short we were out for the morning...my dsis kept saying she wanted to get home for lunch time to feed the kids and wouldn't have lunch out as she was broke. Fair enough. Anyway timings went awry and we ended up in the middle of town at prime lunch time. I wanted lunch and so did my dc. Dsis said no she was going to get back to the car as she couldn't afford it. I said " oh come on I'll pay it's not a big deal!" So I bought lunch. All good. It was nice, all was eaten.

The very next day I rang my Dsis and as we were talking she said, my tyre got a puncture this morning so I'm in getting a new tyre as it can't be fixed. I said "oh dear are you ok for money?" She said "ah yeah I just transferred it out of the savings!

Aibu to think she could have done that the day before at lunch rather than letting me pay? I know I was happy to and I offered but I'm just a bit... now!!

[everythingyouneed]

Did you only offer to pay for lunch because you took her saying she was ‘broke’ completely literally and thought she didn’t have a penny to her name

Yep..."broke" to me means literally no money...I assumed she had no money whatsoever. I wouldn't say I was broke if I had savings I would just say I don't want to pay for a lunch out.

[DysmalRadius]

I said " oh come on I'll pay it's not a big deal!" So I bought lunch. All good. It was nice, all was eaten.

What you should have said is 'this is a massive deal and by insisting that I pay for the lunch you clearly stated you didn't want to buy, I am reserving the right to judge all your future spending and decide on your behalf whether you can afford things or not.'

[LeroyJenkinssss]

Out of interest, how are your finances? Not asked in a snidey way but do you not need to budget for these sorts of things and therefore see them as different?

[Notaroadrunner]

Her savings are likely for emergencies. If she got into the habit of transferring money from her savings to cover lunches then she'd be in trouble when an emergency arose. So I think YABU.

[NotanothernamechangeforMN]

YABU

[Somarefuser]

But she told you she didn’t want to pay for lunch, and you steamrollered over her with ‘I’ll pay, it’s no big deal’
And now it is a big deal for you.

[DysmalRadius]

I wouldn't say I was broke if I had savings I would just say I don't want to pay for a lunch out.

Clearly that's another area where you and your sister differ...

[HugeAckmansWife]

Broke to me means near my overdraft til payday. I do have savings and headroom on credit cards but my money to spend each month is what's in my paycheck. I'd use it for a broken appliance, tyre etc but not an avoidable expense. Your sis refused politely twice and you insisted.

[girlmom21]

YABVU. Being broke doesn't always mean you're living in poverty - it can mean you have priorities.

New tyre? Priority. £30 on lunch when you've got food at home? £30 less you can put into your priority fund.

[Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow]

Do you know how petty and cheese paring you sound?

[girlmom21]

Yep..."broke" to me means literally no money...I assumed she had no money whatsoever. I wouldn't say I was broke if I had savings I would just say I don't want to pay for a lunch out.

But she did tell you. Repeatedly.
You chose to ignore what she was telling you.

[mediumbrownmug]

YABU. It’s been said better by others, but bears repeating that emergency savings are not for lunching out! She didn’t ask to eat out and she didn’t ask you to pay. Quite the reverse, in fact. I would add perhaps that paying for one lunch that you invited her to, doesn’t confer rights to be the finance police.

[bloodywhitecat]

YABU, a rainy day fund is for things like punctures not for lunches out, she was clear from the outset she didn't want to eat out.

[Somarefuser]

I’m one of 4, with vastly different incomes and lifestyles.
But we are honest with each other, so if money or treats are offered, there are no strings or emotional manipulation to be had. It’s a bit petty.

[DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou]

YBVVU

[grapewine]

Dipping into savings for emergencies and not for lunch is entirely reasonable. YABU. You offered to pay.

[Movinghouseatlast]

The car is an essential repair. Lunch was something she didn't want to break into her savings for. Two completely different things.

If you had paid for lunch then the next day she used savings to buy lunch with someone else that would be different. But you offered anyway because it was what you wanted to do.

[Howshouldibehave]

I wouldn't say I was broke if I had savings I would just say I don't want to pay for a lunch out.

That’s you. I would happily say I was skint this month and didn’t have spare for lunch, even if I had £1000 in my savings account for emergencies. I wouldn’t expect anyone to pay for my lunch though-you should have just let her go home when she wanted!

If I decided that having £1000 meant I wasn’t skint and that meant I could buy dinner/lunch/clothes/wine out of my savings all the time, I wouldn’t have any of those savings left when my tyre broke!

[Penistoe]

She has a fund for emergencies and doesn’t count this in money she has available to waste on lunch, this is good sense.
She said no numerous time! Yabvu.

[Sally872]

You've been too literal on the use if the word broke. It just means I can't afford lunch. If she was penniless I doubt she would be in town with you.

Yabu. She didn't ask you to pay, she wanted to go home rather than dip into savings. Savings doesn't necessarily mean thousands of free money available. It could be a few hundred for emergencies, or the Christmas Savings but tyre is bigger priority.

[SalmonEile]

Were you sharing a car on the day out?
I think YABU a bit because she wouldn’t have had the lunch if you hadn’t offered , she was happy to go home and eat what she had at home but you offered to treat her (and presumably her kids)
To you paying for lunch was no big deal but to her it obviously was as she didn’t want to spend that money. I guess she could’ve not taken you up on the offer and gone home (unless you were sharing a car )

From your point of view though, I can see you wanted to treat her and kids to lunch because if she was “broke” it was a kind and helpful thing to do, a luxury she couldn’t afford so I can see why the relevation of her having savings would make you feel like you’d been had if you thought she was struggling
But I don’t think it’s reasonable to have expected her to transfer money from her savings , I think the only “right” thing for your sister to do here was to accept your gift as she did or stick to her guns and go home.
Unless she has form for letting you pay for stuff regularly

[MrsTophamHat]

She has a better attitude to money than i do!

[FunnyInjury]

I say I'm broke all the time 🤷‍♀️ what it really means is I dont have any spare money available that is not ear-marked for bill's and necessities etc. (My necessities).
Makes perfect sense to me. Why would I go into my monthly budget with someone over a lunch out

I don't do it at the point its happening though tbf. I'd have left to go home in time for lunch.

[alexdgr8]

OP you sound a bit mean.
watch it, or it could lead to fallings out.
at the end of your life, imagine, when you are 129, will you think, i regret wasting my money on sister and her children's lunch that day, when she could have transferred funds out of her savings to do so, but misled me by saying she was broke.
come on. its a joyful privilege to feed someone or to be able to cover the cost of seeing them fed. rejoice in that.
all the best.

[Iggly]

Why not respect her decision to go home for lunch….. instead you didn’t and offered to pay instead. Job done.

She didn’t want to use her savings her lunch. Why does she need to give that as an explanation. Next time STFU and let her go home.