Rude of school mums or not ?

[bto35]

Today is the last day of school for my child is in reception

We have a class WhatsApp group and a couple of days ago a message popped up saying is everybody still coming to the park on the last day of school and what food should they bring?

This is the first that I heard of it. For some context there is a park near the school that I select five parents visit because they live near there on the way home from school so you have to kind of be invited to go there with them and so far I never have been I know have a lot of other parents either so I know this is not just something personal to me on my child

Anyway there was backwards and forwards messages on the class WhatsApp group which does have 30 parents on there and about five are participating in the excitement of bringing cheese sandwiches in Tesco finest and then it all went quiet

What is irritating me about this is that I know for a fact a group invite has not been put out to say hey guys it’s the last day of term our children have gone for reception together everybody is invited instead it’s only for the park group if you like but she put it out to everybody to see on WhatsApp by saying is everybody still coming to the park when not everybody was actually even invited ?!

I just find this really rude as I know I’m not the only parent that’s reading these messages knowing full well that we never knew anything about this and I’ve not been included or invited and I just feel because it was the last day of term for the whole class it would’ve been nice for it to be inclusive to everybody

It’s so ironic to me that the two women that do this kind of behaviour are the ones that represent themselves for class WhatsApp group leaders for the PTA for the fundraising and even for the collection of money and for the teachers gifts yet they’ll take your money but don’t invite you to the park just seems really odd

Am I too invested to be annoyed ? Should I have pointed out that it hasn’t been a class invite so ‘ is everyone still coming’ doesn’t actually mean that

I’m really confused.

A few mums had planned a meet up, and posted about it on the wrong group chat?

Is that what happened?

Now you are cross that they didn’t invite you?

@Seafog

You are way too invested, emotionally

No, she really isn't. It's the end of her kid's first school year. There shouldn't be a clique of dipsticks hiving off the celebrations for the select few.

Honestly I think that you are just being massively over sensitive. I’m sure that if you fancied joining the picnic it would be absolutely fine. I can’t believe for one minute that these grown women are trying to rub everyone else’s nose in the fact that they are having a picnic with five year olds in the park! I arrange stuff with other mums all the time at school, and then I might say on the group Whatsapp, ‘what time are we meeting on the beach on Friday?’ It’s an open invitation, that’s why it’s on there!

Was it not just as likely to be:

a) something that a few people have discussed at the school gate, so they assumed more people (more than their usual five) were planning on joining them?

b) a clumsy attempt by one of them to expand their social circle?

c) busy parents who are actually not just entirely on top of who has or hasn't been invited?

If you don't have someone socially organised regularly leading on the WA group, this can easily happen. I wouldn't read so much into it

FWIW, in our class we do organise a fair amount of park playdates etc with just a circle of around 4/5 kids. It's not because we are bitchy (and not even just mums, it's dads too) but because we actually put the effort in to arrange stuff. And our kids really like each other.

mumsnet sometimes feels like one long complaint about 'bitchy school gate mums'. Most people are surely just doing the best they can!?

rant over! enjoy the summer holidays

No, she really isn't. It's the end of her kid's first school year. There shouldn't be a clique of dipsticks hiving off the celebrations for the select few.

There isn’t. There’s a few parents who’ve decided to ask if anyone wants to join their meeting in the park. How do you make friends?

Trust me it wasn’t put on the wrong chat group it was quite obvious for this chat. There was a flurry of messages between a 5/6 parents on when to meet and what food they was bringing

I doubt they knew what chat they were replying on, they just responded to messages about it. The flurry of messages then silence just confirms this.

I'm just a bit surprised at anyone needing an invitation to go to a public park, never mind the end of year thing.

What's that about?

There are 8 play parks in our little town and when my kids were little, I'd often take them to one of the others, rather than the one nearest me, just for a change. We'd often bump into school friends with their parents and not one person asked me why we were in "their" park without an invitation!

Now, back to the end of year thing.... its not much of a thing, is it. 5 families meeting up, for a bit of a picnic. They clearly posted in the wrong group. Still not much to get upset about. 25 families NOT going!

Well, if there's 30 parents in that group and no-one else bothered to say anything, then if it was a whole group invite and not a mistake then no wonder they went quiet - they were probably thinking that no-one else was bothered, so why say anything else?

I'm to early offended by this kind of thing, but in this case you have no idea if the invite wasn't to everyone. You say they were all chatting about what they were bringing; one of them would have realised it was the wrong group sharpish so either it wasn't a mistake or it was but they subsequently weren't bothered about everyone being invited. But as no-one else responded they probably assumed no-one else wanted to go.

If you wanted to go you should have just said something. It's bizarre you've stayed quiet and then, after the event, you've chosen to come on here moaning.

Unless I'm missing something here, isn't the message they wrote the actual invite to everyone in the class? I know they used the phrase, 'still coming', which was clumsy as it's advertising that some of them have already discussed it, but I think they were clumsily letting everyone know that it's an open invitation to everyone on the group thread.

I would have replied to say that, yes, I could come, and what food should I bring? You have to have a bit of confidence to get in there and make new friendships amongst school Mums. It is very cliquey and these conversations are the norm, so get used to it and just be bold.

@CheeseCrisis

Chunderwunder, two of the class WhatsApps (in two very different styled schools) I'm on are like that. Schools DO NOT want them to exist at allllllllll so don't point out the people running them so it's so easy to get missed off. One of them has nearly 80 parents on it but only by word of mouth!

Schools actually don’t know which ones exist, the whole point being that they’re not school linked!! So how can they signpost parents to them?

I hate the way small groups of school mum friends are so often called cliques on Mumsnet.

I think you’re being really over sensitive and looking to find offence. They posted it on the group WhatsApp, it’s obviously an open invite to all on that group. Yes, perhaps they could have made sure that they formally invited everyone beforehand and it was probably a bit clumsily worded given that was the first a few had heard of it, but they’re probably busy juggling a million things like the rest of us and didn’t have time to give it that much thought.
At least they’re trying to organise something! I always find it’s the people who do sod all who most criticise those who are making an effort.

I would have said “Oh! What a lovely idea! Why don’t we all go to the park after the last day - would be lovely for the children” - because, it is a public park, and it would be a nice thing to do (our year did it on our last day, no drama).

I wouldn’t bother if a small group have made their plan first and not suggested it for the whole year - doesn’t mean you can’t make your own plan.

It sounds like an open invitation to the whole class to me. Perhaps it had been loosely discussed at drop off or pick up amongst some of the parents and they then followed up on the whats app group. Perhaps a message had previously been sent to the whats app group about it but you missed it, OP. Have you scrolled back through the group chat to check?

For the record, my lads just finished reception too and I wasnt privvy to any invites from the other parents, hell he hasnt even had a birthday party since nursery started as 2 summers been ruled by covid, Hoping his 6th Bday can have a party and invite all his school chums. fingers crossed April 2022 isnt another lockdown

[quote Bangbangbang21]@bto35 grow a backbone and reply with "oh, sorry first I've heard of it, what do you want me to bring?"[/quote]
This. Such unnecessary drama

Why not put up a message saying it would be nice to do something on the last day, is anyone up for it, any suggestions where to go.

If it said " Is everyone coming?", and you wanted to go, why didn't you just say "I would love to come!" or something?

Are you really sure it's only for those 5, isn't there a possibility that it was open invitation for all at first but somehow ended up same people keep going?
It seems odd if it was only for those 5, they would talk about it in front of other 25 parents.

I’m glad these groups weren’t around when my DC’s were that age. Just delete the App and move on - it isn’t servicing any useful purpose.

Today is the last day of school for my child is in reception Oops OP I had to recheck if your DC was in reception, is this your first year of school runs.
It'd say it is an annual thing that people are aware of from older DC.
As a newbie these things will crop up.
If they'd have posted within the wrong group, one would have privately messaged, not had a good chat.
Btw these ladies didn't take your money they collected it for a gift.
You are very defensive it won't serve you well, calm down, stop with the suspicions or it'll be a long time ache.

@WorraLiberty

I hate the way small groups of school mum friends are so often called cliques on Mumsnet.

Clique is definitely the word at my school. When I joined as a new mum with a Reception child, there was an already established group of mums who already had a sibling who attended the school. They made it very clear (with their dirty looks and refusing to speak, say hello, or invite us to parties), that the mums who were new to the school were not welcome to stand with them or enter their group. They even sat on a table next to ours and refused to pull the tables together to include us at a party. Mums sat with their backs to us!

4 years later, and there's still a noticable rift between groups of mums within the class (strangely enough, not in my younger sons class, which is very friendly). It's like being back at high school, with mums competing about how they are more friendly with particular mums and including/excluding depending on who the flavour of the month is. I've been quite shocked.

They made it very clear (with their dirty looks and refusing to speak, say hello, or invite us to parties), that the mums who were new to the school were not welcome to stand with them or enter their group. They even sat on a table next to ours and refused to pull the tables together to include us at a party. Mums sat with their backs to us!

Why would they? Why would they deliberately give dirty looks to strangers?

They're arseholes. Very likely to be former school bullies.

We have the same kind of people on our class WHATSAPP. I sat there yesterday at my child's year 6 leavers do thinking "the best bit about this is never having to see or speak to you utter twats ever again"

I would have taken that message as a badly worded “all’s welcome” invite.

The kind that present themselves as pillars of the community. Nasty people and history repeating itself with their kids...the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...