Rude of school mums or not ?

[bto35]

Today is the last day of school for my child is in reception

We have a class WhatsApp group and a couple of days ago a message popped up saying is everybody still coming to the park on the last day of school and what food should they bring?

This is the first that I heard of it. For some context there is a park near the school that I select five parents visit because they live near there on the way home from school so you have to kind of be invited to go there with them and so far I never have been I know have a lot of other parents either so I know this is not just something personal to me on my child

Anyway there was backwards and forwards messages on the class WhatsApp group which does have 30 parents on there and about five are participating in the excitement of bringing cheese sandwiches in Tesco finest and then it all went quiet

What is irritating me about this is that I know for a fact a group invite has not been put out to say hey guys it’s the last day of term our children have gone for reception together everybody is invited instead it’s only for the park group if you like but she put it out to everybody to see on WhatsApp by saying is everybody still coming to the park when not everybody was actually even invited ?!

I just find this really rude as I know I’m not the only parent that’s reading these messages knowing full well that we never knew anything about this and I’ve not been included or invited and I just feel because it was the last day of term for the whole class it would’ve been nice for it to be inclusive to everybody

It’s so ironic to me that the two women that do this kind of behaviour are the ones that represent themselves for class WhatsApp group leaders for the PTA for the fundraising and even for the collection of money and for the teachers gifts yet they’ll take your money but don’t invite you to the park just seems really odd

Am I too invested to be annoyed ? Should I have pointed out that it hasn’t been a class invite so ‘ is everyone still coming’ doesn’t actually mean that

There is no evidence to suggest that these mums are awful people who exclude everyone.

We know they go to the park as a group- that's fine. Don't we all do it? We went to an neighbour's house yesterday so the children could play. We didn't invite all the neighbours- just the ones we know and are friends with. We may have a play date with a school friend tomorrow but we're not inviting everyone from school.

Either the message was sent to the wrong group or it was an open invite to everyone else.

It’s curious how the voting is 55% for YANBU, whereas the thread indicates the opposite to be the case. It’s strange how often this happens on AIBU.

@HalzTangz

Quite easily. The OP knows who the 5 women are out of the group of 30 on the whatsapp group. Just go into settings, note down all numbers bar those 5 and set up a new group with the remaining 24 parents

This is why I'm mightily relieved to not be part of any WhatsApp group shenanigans.

Thanks I’ve managed to read all the way to the end , I’m laughing because I’m apparently being outed as another poster because our posts sound the same … how much does sound does a post have ?!??? Yet some of you are cheeky enough to say that I’m paranoid and insecure … hmmmm okay

Anyways I’ve had great news that my working hours are increasing so I’ll only be around half the time I used to be come September whoop 😍😍😍😍 for the record I do speak to other parents at the drop off that’s how I know that not everyone was invited … if you read my first post … and nope I didn’t set up this wattsapp and I won’t be leaving it either … it does have its good points

@bto35

Thanks I’ve managed to read all the way to the end , I’m laughing because I’m apparently being outed as another poster because our posts sound the same … how much does sound does a post have ?!??? Yet some of you are cheeky enough to say that I’m paranoid and insecure … hmmmm okay

Anyways I’ve had great news that my working hours are increasing so I’ll only be around half the time I used to be come September whoop 😍😍😍😍 for the record I do speak to other parents at the drop off that’s how I know that not everyone was invited … if you read my first post … and nope I didn’t set up this wattsapp and I won’t be leaving it either … it does have its good points

It’s the emojis, and the secret park that everyone knows about.

Weird you’re so pleased you’ll now be spending less time with the people you’re claiming you want to be friends with. I’m not surprised you didn’t set up the group chat.

Also you and the previous poster misspell wattsapp the same way...

OP - you still haven't actually said who was in the photo of the 'sweaty, exhausted' children at the park - was it just these 5 mums kids or other kids from the class.

I don't think they can have posted on the main group (rather than their private one) by error - surely they wouldn't keep talking about what sandwiches they were going to bring, etc then send a photo to really rub it in if they'd really wanted it to just be the 5 of them? Seems a lot more likely that they genuinely invited/thought they had invited everyone.

Once I had a secret park
Known only to my clique and me
All too soon my secret park
Became impatient to be free.
NOW I SHOUT IT to the highest hills,
Put it on wattsapp to cause some thrills
My picnic guests I'll just ignore
for my secret park's no secret aaaaannyyy more

@MrsBumm

Also you and the previous poster misspell wattsapp the same way...

So they do! Have you ever thought of working for AC-12?

Crikey would you lay off the op, she said the other thread wasn't hers, stop being dickheads about it.

I don't think you're being excluded op. I suspect you're spending time on Mumsnet that is (understandably based on the replies here) colouring your view of how horrible people can be.

Honestly I would take up a variation of pp's good suggestion upthreat there -

"Great park photos, sorry I missed it, looks like fun. Myself and DD were thinking of going to the softplay place next week if anyone would like to join."

There could be somebody in the group (we see posts here all the time of this nature) that would really appreciate some company and a day out.

@MrsBumm

Once I had a secret park Known only to my clique and me All too soon my secret park Became impatient to be free. NOW I SHOUT IT to the highest hills, Put it on wattsapp to cause some thrills My picnic guests I'll just ignore for my secret park's no secret aaaaannyyy more

You are really coming across badly here.

😃😃😃😀 I would say it was mine … I haven’t seen it so DonT know if we spell the same but we also all shit the same … doesn’t mean we are the same type of arsehole .

@bto35

😃😃😃😀 I would say it was mine … I haven’t seen it so DonT know if we spell the same but we also all shit the same … doesn’t mean we are the same type of arsehole .

Was it just the five kids in the pictures they shared, in the end?

@bto35

Thanks I’ve managed to read all the way to the end , I’m laughing because I’m apparently being outed as another poster because our posts sound the same … how much does sound does a post have ?!??? Yet some of you are cheeky enough to say that I’m paranoid and insecure … hmmmm okay

Anyways I’ve had great news that my working hours are increasing so I’ll only be around half the time I used to be come September whoop 😍😍😍😍 for the record I do speak to other parents at the drop off that’s how I know that not everyone was invited … if you read my first post … and nope I didn’t set up this wattsapp and I won’t be leaving it either … it does have its good points

Your not paranoid at all, unfortunately the reality is that the school run can feel very much like high school. For those that don't have that experience then great, however for those of us that do it's just a really crappy time and a shock to the system when you thought you'd left high school years ago. I don't want to disparage the entirety of what the PTA do and how much time and effort they put in and I absolutely salute those people who do a lot for the PTA, but there are a select few who are nightmares because they think they are above everyone else. This is my personal experience, and I did volunteer a few times so it's not just an assumption. The queen bee in my kids school was a genuinely lovely, positive wonderful person, hence why she was the queen bee- but the wannabe was not a nice person, elitist, entitled and rubbed a lot of parents up the wrong way. Some of the PP kept asking "why" wouldn't they say hello, or why would they give you a dirty look? I have absolutely no idea, but don't cast doubt on other peoples experiences just because you haven't had the same experience. Some people in life are confident, bubbly, sure of themselves, forthright and probably would never worry about things like this, but if you're not a confident person, maybe a nervous person by nature then people/cliques like this can exacerbate those feelings. And as @ConsuelaHammock said, I wouldn't put it past some people to do it on purpose because some people are just arseholes who want to essentially say, look at how very important we are. Again it's the high school equivalent of being in the "in crowd", these people just never evolved past the high school mentality. Let them jog on with being busy and important Cos like I said, you have dodged a bullet.

Thank you ^^*

Ok, so I’m guessing it wasn’t just the five people there and you’re now going to use this thread to validate your paranoia. Good luck with the rest of your kid’s time at school.

Which kids were in the photos? Just the 5 or others too?

Have you ever spoken to these mums?
Does your DC like their DC?
Are you upset because you wanted to go?
You have to put some effort in getting playdates for your child and this was good opportunity and IME there is nothing better most 5 year old like to playing with their friends. You are getting all angry for nothing and in the end is your child that is missing out.

@bridezillamaybe Not a fan of musicals?

Call me crazy I think if you take it up son yourself to put on a class wattsapp a message asking ‘ is everyone still coming to the END OF YEAR CLASS picnic ? And you haven’t actually let people know about it, it’s rude . Simply because they are a class and it’s a end of year so should be inclusive . The photos shared included just the kids i mentioned the majority of the class wasn’t there because we weren’t told about it . It’s that simple

@bto35

Call me crazy I think if you take it up son yourself to put on a class wattsapp a message asking ‘ is everyone still coming to the END OF YEAR CLASS picnic ? And you haven’t actually let people know about it, it’s rude . Simply because they are a class and it’s a end of year so should be inclusive . The photos shared included just the kids i mentioned the majority of the class wasn’t there because we weren’t told about it . It’s that simple

Oh well, best send your sarcastic response then.

Why don't you say
What meeting no one told Me?

@bto35

Call me crazy I think if you take it up son yourself to put on a class wattsapp a message asking ‘ is everyone still coming to the END OF YEAR CLASS picnic ? And you haven’t actually let people know about it, it’s rude . Simply because they are a class and it’s a end of year so should be inclusive . The photos shared included just the kids i mentioned the majority of the class wasn’t there because we weren’t told about it . It’s that simple

But how do you know noone else knew? You seem not to talk to these mums, so how do you know other parents were not aware of this? They dont have to keep track of who was told and who wasnt, if you can organize it better just do it. The bottom line is, do you want your DC to play with these children or not? What does it change for your child if everyone here confirms they were rude.

Hard say was it an open invite? It was so clicky in my son year was glad to leave it behind. My dd year much nicer maybe I had more in common with them. I would always include others though. They teens now

They do this on ours sometimes, it's a way of trying to include other people I think, without the risk of walking up to another mum and saying "do you want to come?"
It's perhaps a bit clumsy so is confusing but I'd guess they were waiting for people to chime in and say "oh I'll pop along, I'll bring cake!"
Don't automatically confer confidence a d superiority on people just because five of them already meet. School gate dynamics are tricky!!