Rude of school mums or not ?

[bto35]

Today is the last day of school for my child is in reception

We have a class WhatsApp group and a couple of days ago a message popped up saying is everybody still coming to the park on the last day of school and what food should they bring?

This is the first that I heard of it. For some context there is a park near the school that I select five parents visit because they live near there on the way home from school so you have to kind of be invited to go there with them and so far I never have been I know have a lot of other parents either so I know this is not just something personal to me on my child

Anyway there was backwards and forwards messages on the class WhatsApp group which does have 30 parents on there and about five are participating in the excitement of bringing cheese sandwiches in Tesco finest and then it all went quiet

What is irritating me about this is that I know for a fact a group invite has not been put out to say hey guys it’s the last day of term our children have gone for reception together everybody is invited instead it’s only for the park group if you like but she put it out to everybody to see on WhatsApp by saying is everybody still coming to the park when not everybody was actually even invited ?!

I just find this really rude as I know I’m not the only parent that’s reading these messages knowing full well that we never knew anything about this and I’ve not been included or invited and I just feel because it was the last day of term for the whole class it would’ve been nice for it to be inclusive to everybody

It’s so ironic to me that the two women that do this kind of behaviour are the ones that represent themselves for class WhatsApp group leaders for the PTA for the fundraising and even for the collection of money and for the teachers gifts yet they’ll take your money but don’t invite you to the park just seems really odd

Am I too invested to be annoyed ? Should I have pointed out that it hasn’t been a class invite so ‘ is everyone still coming’ doesn’t actually mean that

Without "cliques" it would be a big circle of 30 parents on the playground... you're parents not flipping Brownies.

People have friends.

Just like at work and at, dare I say it, school. You know the class doesn't all play in a group of 30? They have, umm,... friends!

And gawd, the reception mum who might have wanted to help raise some cash and maybe make some friends so joined the PTA, yeah she's the real villain. What a bitch. All that time she's given up. Nasty cow.

[quote PacificState]**@Pumperthepumper* oh we kept all the PTA money and all the class gift money and now we are Rich! rich! Beyond our wildest dreams!!!!

*In total it would probably have bought us a slap-up night at the local Travelodge with breakfast

(I'll always remember someone on here wanting someone to do a time and motion study of PTAs because she suspected they were the least efficient money-making exercise in the history of mankind - almost certainly true )[/quote]
😂😂😂😂 definitely true! Ours always want to do cake-sales where you pay about fifteen quid for ingredients and decorations and they sell them for 10p per cupcake. Although they did raise a lot of money one Christmas specifically to set up a school library, which is fantastic.

@PacificState

This thread is fascinating, it's like a fucking Rorschach test for whether or not you made friends at the school gate (for what it's worth, i was a shy woman who accidentally made friends with a social dynamo and ended up being PTA rep with her)

These women are busy, just like you. They have little kids and partners (or not) and dinners to make and jobs to hold down and families and other friends and worries and concerns.

In my experience these people are not thinking 'how can I best insult all the other parents'. I mean be logical - why would they?

And as for them owing you something because you 'gave them money' - you do realise they spent it on the teachers, right? They organised the collection, they collected the money from different sources, they thought about the gifts, they physically went and bought them, they wrapped them up. Did you help? Have you ever, in the entire year, offered to help at a PTA event or do the newsletter in your spare time or keep the list of parents' numbers or set up the WhatsApp group or anything? (Yea, I had a job too, and a family member with terminal illness, and I was a single parent - in fact we both were. We still did it.)

I mean go to the party, don't go to the party, whevs. But a decision to assume that these women are bitches is just that - a decision. And it reflects on you more than it does on them.

So much all of this.

@idril

It's a park visit. The whatapp message makes it clear that everyone is welcome. You really don't need an invitation to go the park.

I'll bet this glass of Pinot Grigio what happened is:

PTA mums 1: shall we get the whole class to the park on the last day of term?
Friend 1: yes great
Friend 2: how shall we let everyone know?
Friend 3: I'll stick it in the class WhatsApp

'Someone else' then does as promised, probably in between finishing off a piece of urgent work and taking DC2 to the GP and so inexplicably and cruelly doesn't spend four hours ensuring her message cannot possibly be misinterpreted. Three people take massive offence because they didn't get a 'save the date' card edged in gilt and spend the next ten years spitting tacks, literally nobody else cares

This kind of things would be absolutely fine on our Year 1 class WhatsApp. If the 5 mins who met at the park had started a plan, then posting about it on the group chat would have led to a flurry of "sounds great, I'll bring juice cartons". We'd take it as an "invite" just because it's in the group chat. Not that anyone needs inviting; it'd be more of a "let's go/some of us are going/more the merrier" notice

They don’t ask for money for themselves, though, they are doing everybody a favour by buying a grouped present for the teacher.

I must be missing something because I honestly can't see anything wrong in five friends arranging to meet up after school on the last day of term.

People are allowed to have friends. They don't necessarily have to invite everyone to everything.

I can't accept that they posted to run everyone's faces in it. I think it's more likely that they posted on the wrong group. Once they realised their mistake, I think they should've invited everyone then though - just an open invitation.

The real issue here op is that you haven't got your own group of five friends to do something fun with. I'm not being horrible when I say that, I really think you need to cultivate a little group of your own. Why not message some other mums and say the park sounds fun doesn't it, shall we do that too.

You do realise that when they asked you for money, that it wasn’t for themselves, don’t you? It was a collection for the teachers or whatever, and this is a thankless task.

It was rude.
That particular group should have their own WhatsApp.

Don’t let yourself feel hurt though, OP.

Rude but common!

Honestly op, you sound like a pain in the arse.

These people have committed the heinous crime of being friends and of being kind enough to organise group presents from everyone.

They've decided to go to the park and have opened the offer out to everyone.

That's it.

That's a nice thing to do.

Go if you think your kids will enjoy it. And, if you want to enjoy it too, which is an option, then take the stick out of your arse.

Yabu.

@ScrollingLeaves

It was rude. That particular group should have their own WhatsApp.

Don’t let yourself feel hurt though, OP.

It sounds like they accidentally posted on the wrong group to me.

Never know why people are so quick to think the worst of other people.

I read threads like this and regret the friday night I spent calling bouncy castle companies at 9pm because we'd had ours cancelled for the fair.
I regret not being able to see my kid win on the tombola because I was finding change for the mulled wine stall.
The time I got heatstroke at the summer fair because there was nobody to take over the stall I was on.
The piles of boxes that lived in my living room for the weeks leafing up to a fair.
The millions of odd fivers here and there that I never claimed back for stuff I bought because 'it's for the kids'.
The sore thumbs stapling 350 tickets to letters. Not being able to get drunk at the parties because I have to be responsible for the takings.
The time sacrificed from my own business.
I did it willingly at the time. Now I wish I hadn't bothered. Apart from the amazing friends I made by not being a completely miserable sod who behaves like a wet blanket if they don't get a handwritten invite to the bloody park.

@Nohomemadecandles
You are very very appreciated by any nice person.

Just ignore or you'll sound desperate.

I’d have to have said “sorry did I miss the invite, where, when?”

@Nohomemadecandles

Same here! But not too much as I've made an amazing group of friends and our PTA at our school seems relatively well appreciated unless there are secret festering groups thinking we are so busy thinking of ways to upset them.

Surely you don't need an invite to go to the local park? A bright and breezy response along the lines of 'that sounds great, it'll be lovely for the DC to play in the sun to mark the end of the school year' is the only reply that was merited. You have six more years ahead of you so I suggest you don't get too prickly over perceived slights like this.

I have experienced similar: the cliquey bitches insisted on discussing events they organised between themselves, peppered with injokes and photos even though they were reminded several times they made others uncomfortable and that the group is set up for class/school related things.

They could've set up their own group. they chose to be twats. their posts took up about 90% of the chat and drowned out the actual important info.🙄
After one particular incident I just left the group.
There's only so much drama I can take!🤣

Why didn’t you or any of the other 25 say yes we would love to come

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

I have experienced similar: the cliquey bitches insisted on discussing events they organised between themselves, peppered with injokes and photos even though they were reminded several times they made others uncomfortable and that the group is set up for class/school related things.

They could've set up their own group. they chose to be twats. their posts took up about 90% of the chat and drowned out the actual important info.🙄
After one particular incident I just left the group.
There's only so much drama I can take!🤣

Why would they behave like that?

Our school has a park nearby and it's a given that everyone congregates at the end of term. No one needs an invite - it's just assumed. Is this not what has happened here? OP it's really no big deal. Go if you want - they've let you know there is something on. It's not about you though!!

I’d have answered that I’ll be bringing ham sandwiches, salad etc. Wait to see if they have the nerve to say you’re not invited.

[quote arethereanyleftatall]@Nohomemadecandles
You are very very appreciated by any nice person. [/quote]
Thank you!

@Moonflower12 yep. I love them to bits. And I can guarantee you I wasn't standing with them in a clique at the school gates because their kids were in a different key stage.

@Newnormal99

At my daughters primary is a long-standing 'thing' people go to the park on the last day of summer term. It doesn't need an invite people will just go and then parents will sit together.

Same here. I wonder if this is the case here OP?