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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rude of school mums or not ?

288 replies

bto35 · 22/07/2021 17:26

Today is the last day of school for my child is in reception

We have a class WhatsApp group and a couple of days ago a message popped up saying is everybody still coming to the park on the last day of school and what food should they bring?

This is the first that I heard of it. For some context there is a park near the school that I select five parents visit because they live near there on the way home from school so you have to kind of be invited to go there with them and so far I never have been I know have a lot of other parents either so I know this is not just something personal to me on my child

Anyway there was backwards and forwards messages on the class WhatsApp group which does have 30 parents on there and about five are participating in the excitement of bringing cheese sandwiches in Tesco finest and then it all went quiet

What is irritating me about this is that I know for a fact a group invite has not been put out to say hey guys it’s the last day of term our children have gone for reception together everybody is invited instead it’s only for the park group if you like but she put it out to everybody to see on WhatsApp by saying is everybody still coming to the park when not everybody was actually even invited ?!

I just find this really rude as I know I’m not the only parent that’s reading these messages knowing full well that we never knew anything about this and I’ve not been included or invited and I just feel because it was the last day of term for the whole class it would’ve been nice for it to be inclusive to everybody

It’s so ironic to me that the two women that do this kind of behaviour are the ones that represent themselves for class WhatsApp group leaders for the PTA for the fundraising and even for the collection of money and for the teachers gifts yet they’ll take your money but don’t invite you to the park just seems really odd

Am I too invested to be annoyed ? Should I have pointed out that it hasn’t been a class invite so ‘ is everyone still coming’ doesn’t actually mean that

OP posts:
notmyturnagain · 22/07/2021 17:47

I don't understand at all. I would have interpreted that as EVERYONE was invited to join the group in park on the last day of school.
It's very common here for families to get together like this at end of the school year, and it's on the class chat, or spread by word of mouth but no one is technically sending out invitations.

In any case, you don't need an invitation to go to a public park at any time, so you can and should go to whichever park you like, whenever you want. If your DC are in the same class and friends they'll play together in the park regardless.

Original poster
bto35 · 22/07/2021 17:47

I didn’t think about there being a separate WhatsApp group, maybe that is the case after all! 🙄🙄🤣

OP posts:
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 22/07/2021 17:49

How do you know they weren't inviting the whole class? Maybe they were but then went quiet and back to their park mum group as nobody else was joining the chat?

WorraLiberty · 22/07/2021 17:50

@bto35

What I felt I should have said is - oh is that what everyone is invited too on the last day ? I didn’t hear about it ? Can we come ! What time … obvious Sarcasm

There are 30 mums on the wattsapp. Nobody has pointed out that actually not everyone was invited . They recently sent out a message to all for a £10 donation to the teachers end of term gift so clearly know how to address us all in a group format …

What's wrong with you? Why would you even be sarcastic? Confused

It's fairly clear that it was simply put in the wrong group.

Perhaps next time, organise a similar thing for the other parents and kids.

HalzTangz · 22/07/2021 17:52

I would have started a new group excluding those 5 mums and arranged somewhere better than a park

Grainjar · 22/07/2021 17:56

Hmm fairly typical I'd say. Don't worry. Your DC will make friends and you'll get to know more people as time goes on and they will ge nicer than this lot. It is rude and quite pathetic that grown ups can't be inclusive to small DC.

Pumperthepumper · 22/07/2021 17:56

@HalzTangz

I would have started a new group excluding those 5 mums and arranged somewhere better than a park
How would you make sure you invited every other kid and parent?
AmazingBouncingFerret · 22/07/2021 17:57

Or maybe it wasn’t put on the wrong WhatsApp? How do you know it wasn’t a group invite for the whole class and they’re all wondering why nobody bothered to answer them?

CheeseCrisis · 22/07/2021 17:58

Chunderwunder, I’m at risk of derailing this thread but in short, they are seen as gossipy places where wrong info is often disseminated and sometimes disgruntled parents can influence others.

Some of us just want a timely heads up that they need a quid for the cake sale on Friday though Grin

Re this thread. Reply and say you are coming with your kids, anyone else? It might encourage some of the other mums to come too - maybe the “leaky” mum wants to widen the circle.

WorraLiberty · 22/07/2021 18:00

@HalzTangz

I would have started a new group excluding those 5 mums and arranged somewhere better than a park
That would be wrong and petty.

There is nothing wrong with 5 friends wishing to go for a picnic with their children.

If the OP is going to arrange a whole class activity, leaving out 5 parents and kids would be nasty.

kurtney · 22/07/2021 18:03

@Pumperthepumper

I honestly wonder how some of you function if you’re always on the lookout for someone to take against. It’s a group of kids and parents meeting in a park, what would happen if you appeared with your kids? Would they throw stones at you? Or would you all just make conversation until the kids wanted home? What’s the big deal?
I feel the same. I actively avoided being added to the class Whatsapp when my dd was in primary because I didn't want to get involved in shit like this and I didn't particularly want to hang out with any of them.

I'm still not sure why you need an invite to a park, which is a public place, unless one of them owns it? Also they may just be a group of friends who like to do stuff together. They're not obligated to invite anyone else along. If you want to go to the park, just go.

SummerBreeze1980 · 22/07/2021 18:04

I don't think you need to be invited to go to a public park Confused If your child will enjoy it join in and if not don't.

MrsMillhouse · 22/07/2021 18:05

Out of interest, is it only mums on the WhatsApp? On the one for my sons it is about half mums/ half dads. In some families it seems to be the dad who does the the pick ups / play dates. In a few (like ours) it’s shared (so both of us are on it)

EmeraldShamrock · 22/07/2021 18:05

Why didn't you ask if it was an open invite - it doesn't like it was a private event.
I'm not in the watsapp class group, I'm not sure if there is one.

LtDansleg · 22/07/2021 18:06

You do know that it’s ok to have a small group meet up with a few mums and kids you particularly get on with in the class? You don’t have to invite the entire class to everything all of the time? So you won’t invite a few parents to the park but want to bitch about other people who do because they didn’t invite you?

Original poster
bto35 · 22/07/2021 18:08

The message said ‘ is everyone still coming to the park as planned on last day ? What food shall I bring ….

Clearly it’s been arranged

OP posts:
Original poster
bto35 · 22/07/2021 18:09

This isn’t about mums and parks and kids it’s about the fact it’s the last day and no actually not everyone was invited and you know it so why post a message for all 30 parents to view when they haven’t been invited ..

OP posts:
isitsummertimeyet · 22/07/2021 18:10

Ask yourself would you wanna spend a hot summer afternoon with these people?

personally id not let it bother me, there's obviously a clique and your not part of it, big deal

Befriend other parents and get your own park posse together minus the parents excluding you. no ones desperate enough to want to beg to be invited surely.

WorraLiberty · 22/07/2021 18:10

@bto35

The message said ‘ is everyone still coming to the park as planned on last day ? What food shall I bring ….

Clearly it’s been arranged

Yes but amongst the 5 friends and put in the wrong WA group by the sound of it.

Why are you annoyed about this?

Are you incapable of arranging things with parents/kids?

YellowClouds · 22/07/2021 18:10

I think you are waaaay overthinking this.

If park mums go to the park most days then they wouldn't need to do a big announcement on WhatsApp. It does read to me that the invite for the last day was for everyone, no one responded, park mums maybe felt a bit awkward so then stopped chatting.

If you think your kid would enjoy it go along, you might both enjoy it.

But no one needs an invite to go to a park after school even if it's not on your direct walk home anyone can go to any park.

Bangbangbang21 · 22/07/2021 18:10

@bto35 grow a backbone and reply with "oh, sorry first I've heard of it, what do you want me to bring?"

Original poster
bto35 · 22/07/2021 18:12

It was a end of year picnic held at the park … lord am I not making myself clear

OP posts:
ClaudiaWankleman · 22/07/2021 18:12

This isn’t about mums and parks and kids it’s about the fact it’s the last day and no actually not everyone was invited and you know it so why post a message for all 30 parents to view when they haven’t been invited

Maybe you were supposed to be invited? Maybe it was a 'we're going to the park on the last day - will you let people know' type situation, and you didn't get the invite?

I would turn up.

Bangbangbang21 · 22/07/2021 18:12

It's something I'd accidentally do on purpose of I was then woman sending the WhatsApp and I was sad it was just the same 5 ladies and I was looking to extend my social circle or my kids social circle Xx The other mums will have a gentle go at her sating what did you do that for and she'd reply 'sorry got my WhatsApp groups mixed up'

WorraLiberty · 22/07/2021 18:12

And as this happened a couple of days ago and today was the last day of school, YABU to not have asked them to clarify if it was open to all.