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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rude of school mums or not ?

288 replies

bto35 · 22/07/2021 17:26

Today is the last day of school for my child is in reception

We have a class WhatsApp group and a couple of days ago a message popped up saying is everybody still coming to the park on the last day of school and what food should they bring?

This is the first that I heard of it. For some context there is a park near the school that I select five parents visit because they live near there on the way home from school so you have to kind of be invited to go there with them and so far I never have been I know have a lot of other parents either so I know this is not just something personal to me on my child

Anyway there was backwards and forwards messages on the class WhatsApp group which does have 30 parents on there and about five are participating in the excitement of bringing cheese sandwiches in Tesco finest and then it all went quiet

What is irritating me about this is that I know for a fact a group invite has not been put out to say hey guys it’s the last day of term our children have gone for reception together everybody is invited instead it’s only for the park group if you like but she put it out to everybody to see on WhatsApp by saying is everybody still coming to the park when not everybody was actually even invited ?!

I just find this really rude as I know I’m not the only parent that’s reading these messages knowing full well that we never knew anything about this and I’ve not been included or invited and I just feel because it was the last day of term for the whole class it would’ve been nice for it to be inclusive to everybody

It’s so ironic to me that the two women that do this kind of behaviour are the ones that represent themselves for class WhatsApp group leaders for the PTA for the fundraising and even for the collection of money and for the teachers gifts yet they’ll take your money but don’t invite you to the park just seems really odd

Am I too invested to be annoyed ? Should I have pointed out that it hasn’t been a class invite so ‘ is everyone still coming’ doesn’t actually mean that

OP posts:
Original poster
bto35 · 22/07/2021 18:13

Thanks yes your right I wouldn’t want too. Just annoyed me because I feel as a class of you can ask for our money you can sure as hell invite us all along to the picnic at the park

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 22/07/2021 18:13

Are you sure they aren't suggesting everyone from the class should go?

I've had several conversations at drop off about meeting in the park after school tomorrow. I haven't spoken to everyone but if I posted "are ye all still on for the park tomorrow?" It would be meant for everyone.

Pumperthepumper · 22/07/2021 18:14

@bto35

It was a end of year picnic held at the park … lord am I not making myself clear
How often do you speak to them?
NoLongerWantHugoToWin · 22/07/2021 18:16

Could it be an annual event and one of the mums having an older sibling? I'd have thought that message was the invitation.

CurbsideProphet · 22/07/2021 18:17

I would have just replied "is this for the whole class? I'm sure DC would enjoy it, I'll check if we have anything else planned".

itsgettingwierd · 22/07/2021 18:18

The biggest issue is the other 25 parents in the group thinking you need an invite to a PUBLIC park Confused

You want to go - go.

You want to go to the party thing and bring food - reply "I'll be there and be bringing crisps".

They aren't exactly going to respond on the class what's app. "No you cannot come to a public park"

They are maybe relying on people being too scared to join in. But it's those not responding giving them that power.

Pumperthepumper · 22/07/2021 18:18

@CurbsideProphet

I would have just replied "is this for the whole class? I'm sure DC would enjoy it, I'll check if we have anything else planned".
Yes, that’s what most people would do instead of taking to the internet to bitch about them and dream about a sarcastic reply for no reason.
MintMatchmaker · 22/07/2021 18:18

They don’t own the park so you don’t need a formal invitation to go there.

Instead of being huffy you could have just put a post in the group suggesting everyone meet after school.

I just went to the park with my kids. Other parents were there. We just sat together whilst the kids played. No formal invitation needed.

Killahangilion · 22/07/2021 18:19

Why didn’t you reply

“Great idea, I’ll bring xxx”

As you said, they were happy to ask everyone for financial donations towards class presents so surely ‘everyone’ must be invited to the park. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Honestly, I’d turn up and join in regardless. It might be fun, at least for the kids and I’d always prioritise DC having fun over how much I like or dislike a parent.

WorraLiberty · 22/07/2021 18:20

@bto35

Thanks yes your right I wouldn’t want too. Just annoyed me because I feel as a class of you can ask for our money you can sure as hell invite us all along to the picnic at the park
Why?

The two things aren't connected at all Confused

Wheelz46 · 22/07/2021 18:20

They likely have 2 separate groups and just messaged in the wrong one but probably felt it no big deal if they realised.

I once messaged the mums chat group asking what they wanted for lunch, was meant to send it to my partner (not being lazy, he was WFH upstairs and on a call) Grin Got loads of orders before I realised Grin

impatientwatcher · 22/07/2021 18:21

Is this your first child at school?

You seem overly worried about what other parents are saying or doing. You don't need an invitation for a public park, even if its not on your direct route home.

I would have assumed anyone could go and that was why it was on the class WhatsApp, not that it was a private meeting that someone had accidentally put in the wrong group and then not deleted.

YoComoManzanas · 22/07/2021 18:22

I don't get it. So because 5 mum friends take their kids to the park after school, you feel you are not allowed to go? I presume the 5 were not or nursery buddies or something.
I would have gone along and they probably would have said hello and made small talk.
Contact some of the parents of who your kid plays with and organise a playdate or park meet yourself

pinkcircustop · 22/07/2021 18:22

You don’t need a direct invite to the park Confused Just turn up.

WorraLiberty · 22/07/2021 18:24

It’s so ironic to me that the two women that do this kind of behaviour are the ones that represent themselves for class WhatsApp group leaders for the PTA for the fundraising and even for the collection of money and for the teachers gifts yet they’ll take your money but don’t invite you to the park just seems really odd

Why do you find that ironic?

It sounds as though these women give up enough of their free time to help the school/class parents etc, and you expect them to organise an entire class picnic for you as well!

If they offered to wipe your arse, you'd probably complain you had to bring your own toilet paper Confused

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 22/07/2021 18:25

@Pumperthepumper

I honestly wonder how some of you function if you’re always on the lookout for someone to take against. It’s a group of kids and parents meeting in a park, what would happen if you appeared with your kids? Would they throw stones at you? Or would you all just make conversation until the kids wanted home? What’s the big deal?
This. It's the park after school, not a red carpet event. Anyone can go and clearly everyone is welcome to go. Just go or don't if you don't want to. There's literally no conspiracy, no exclusion and nothing to get exercised about.
bungabungaboo · 22/07/2021 18:27

Unfortunately this is not uncommon, similar things happened at my kids primary

Do your own things , honestly your kids will not bother and when they are at secondary school it will seem as trivial as it is Wink

Twickerhun · 22/07/2021 18:27

I would just have gone along with a pile of snacks and a hungry child!

girlmom21 · 22/07/2021 18:28

I would assume that that message was the invite. Some parents will have discussed it in the playground etc.
Would your child like to go? If so, say you hadn't heard about it but x would love to attend and what food you'll bring.
If they wouldn't make your excuses.

It doesn't need to be awkward. They're probably not doing it to be dicks.

Viviennemary · 22/07/2021 18:30

I think it is cheeky of them. Thry should make their arrangements through a private app group.

Newnormal99 · 22/07/2021 18:32

At my daughters primary is a long-standing 'thing' people go to the park on the last day of summer term. It doesn't need an invite people will just go and then parents will sit together.

Captainj1 · 22/07/2021 18:34

If you like them, and would like to go, or feel your child would like to go or benefit from going, then go. Simple. There are always some mums who are closer than others, there may have been discussions at the school gate between some and they’ve now basically just said ‘is the plan still for everyone to go’. Honestly life is too short to get irritated by this stuff, it doesn’t matter. There are multiple splinter WhatsApp groups in my kids classes, to arrange parties where the whole class isn’t invited, to arrange nights out between subgroups of friends, all sorts. There will be more I don’t know about than those I do. Nobody knew each other before school and some have developed stronger connections than others.

BluebellsGreenbells · 22/07/2021 18:35

Could it be an annual event and one of the mums having an older sibling? I'd have thought that message was the invitation

This was my first thought as well - as they used to do this when mine were young.

The kids organized their own last day in high school - usually a beach rather than park

WorraLiberty · 22/07/2021 18:35

I walked through my local park on the way home from work today and it was absolutely rammed with school children and their parents having last day of term water fights.

I can't imagine they all waited to be formally invited.

I also can't imagine why the OP read this message a couple of days ago and did nothing about it, before the school broke up today.

Maggiesfarm · 22/07/2021 18:37

@rainbowfairydust

I'd have definitely said 'oh I must have missed the class invite, what time are you going? We will see if we can make it'.... And then reply later saying sorry we had to divert off and make up an excuse... Call them out on the shitty behaviour!
Yeah!

That sort of thing is why I never got involved with other school mums.

Be independent op, you need them not.