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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not allowing my 17 year old son to go to London

338 replies

Toooldforschoolruns · 22/07/2021 10:36

Me and dh are away in Scotland for a short holiday from tomorrow. My 19 yr old dd will be home with 17 yr old son and "in charge".

My problem is that ds wants to go to London with a group of his friends while we're away. We live about an hour from London on train so ordinarily if there was a problem we could be down there pretty quick. However, we'll be on west coast of Scotland, so not so convenient.

Are we being unreasonable for not letting him go? He's not happy with us "treating him like a child" but he's a young 17 and not very street smart.

Advice please 🙏

OP posts:

Hillary17 · 22/07/2021 11:23

Honestly yes I’d let him go. I went abroad with friends at 16 and was fine. Foolish but fine… it’s about trust and learning to be an adult.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 22/07/2021 11:24

OP what’s the story here? There must be more to it?

As for Covid he’s just as likely to catch that out of London, prob more so as London is still very quiet!

I remember my DD passing her driving test and 6 months later driving to Brighton to a concert ... one of her friends parents refused to let her be driven “by a new driver” ... they insisted on taking her, dropping her off and picking her up after. DD said the friend was mortified as they left the venue her parents were standing there waving and cooing . Don’t be that parent!

DGFB · 22/07/2021 11:24

He’s 17, of course you let him go. And he’s never going to get street smart if you don’t let him out

nancy75 · 22/07/2021 11:24

@NannyAndJohn

Are you comfortable with him bringing Covid back into your house?

If you are, let him go. But I'd have him take a test a couple of days after the trip.

Yep, once we’ve finished being stab happy we breath germs all over the visitors that make it out alive - obviously London is the only place in the world with covid. Op if he’s not familiar with London tell him to down load the city mapper app, make sure he keeps his wallet safe & have a nice time - thats the only chat you need to have about it

CustardySergeant · 22/07/2021 11:24

At the age of 12 I was going to London on my own. At the age of 16, I was living on my own in a hostel in central London and never even visited my parents who lived hours away anyway. Your attitude is ludicrous.

PercyPigandMe · 22/07/2021 11:25

I'd like to know what he was planning to do and with who and I'd appreciate knowing he was there and then when back home again. That's just parenting!

Apart from that, unless there was other issues at play, I'd allow this

SupermanWithTheGreyHair · 22/07/2021 11:25

Thing is, @SupermanWithTheGreyHair, you never stop worrying about your kids. But if you won't allow (!) a 17yo on day trip to London then there is something wrong, unless they have SEN we're not hearing about

I agree. Just on here, everyone’s seems desperate to appear as if something happening to their teen would never occur to them. I think it’s normal to think ‘oh no, what if.....’. The important thing is you don’t let it stop them doing things.

JassyRadlett · 22/07/2021 11:25

It's London, not downtown Caracas. What are you worried about that he needs to be 'street smart' for? Can he read a map and safely cross the road?

I agree with others, though, if he's going down to join a gang, you probably shouldn't let him go.

Clangerschick1 · 22/07/2021 11:25

This thread must be a wind up

pastafeend · 22/07/2021 11:26

Is there some kind of a backstory here??

Why does your 17 year old need their older sibling to be 'in charge'?

When mine were 17 they told me what their plans were. They didn't ask. They may have looked for advice right enough, but there was never a pint where they would be asking permission to go to a city an hour away.

When DD was 16 she went to London and stayed for 2 nights on her own. She flew down from Scotland.

lanthanum · 22/07/2021 11:26

If he's going with a group of friends, as long as there's at least one parent who could help in an emergency, I don't think you need worry.

GreyhoundG1rl · 22/07/2021 11:26

Are you comfortable with him bringing Covid back into your house?
Right, because we've got it all here in London. Stockpiling it, in fact. Just waiting for unwary 17 year old boys to take some away with them to relieve the pressure a bit.

ClaudiaWankleman · 22/07/2021 11:26

You never miss a chance, do you?

@Blossomtoes You could set your watch by it.

OP YABVU. Something could happen at home and you would be just as far away.

Central London on a weekend is quite safe, very difficult to get into trouble accidentally and too expensive for him to get into any mischief. The worst thing that could happen is probably Oxford Circus being closed and having to walk one stop in the direction of travel.

PercyPigandMe · 22/07/2021 11:26

But equally desperate are all the parents clamouring to show how cool they are, by allowing their 8 year olds on foreign holidays etc

There's a compromise and for me, that compromise would be just checking in once or twice

JudgeJ · 22/07/2021 11:27

but he's a young 17 and not very street smart.

And he never will be 'street smart' if you keep him on such a tight leash. Maybe you agree with the poster a few weeks ago who thought a 25 year old wasn't an adult!

MojoJojo71 · 22/07/2021 11:28

When I was 17 I would have told my parents I was going, not asked for permission.

BoredZelda · 22/07/2021 11:28

but he's a young 17 and not very street smart.

I wonder why this could be?

How will he become street smart if you don't let him go on the streets?

JassyRadlett · 22/07/2021 11:28

Yep, once we’ve finished being stab happy we breath germs all over the visitors that make it out alive - obviously London is the only place in the world with covid.

Yeah, we should actually be trying to keep the majority of the country out on that basis.

The reality is: come to London! One of the least likely places in England for you to get Covid right now!

Not allowing my 17 year old son to go to London

BarryTheKestrel · 22/07/2021 11:29

At 17 I was on holiday with friends in Turkey for a week and travelling around the UK to gigs. Honestly, let him live. In 12 months he could be living away at uni, you need to cut the apron strings some time.

DameAlyson · 22/07/2021 11:29

Set some ground rules around time to come home (really don't risk the last train home) who to contact in an emergency, staying with friends etc.

No, don't. He should be capable of working these things out for himself, and if he isn't, it's time he learned.

And why must he stay with friends? What if it turns out they want to go and do different things at one point, and meet up again later?

pastafeend · 22/07/2021 11:30

Interesting chart. It would probably make more sense with some text explanation

emmathedilemma · 22/07/2021 11:30

In a years time he could be off to uni in a major city on his own. If he's trustworthy and has sensible friends I think YABU.

MurielSpriggs · 22/07/2021 11:31

Anything could happen.

rhowton · 22/07/2021 11:32

I went to London for 2 weeks when I was 15 to stay with a friend in their holiday home (parents were at work in the day, and out in the evenings). You must start to give freedom to children otherwise they will lie and do it anyway. Better the devil you know.

pastafeend · 22/07/2021 11:33

@MurielSpriggs

Anything could happen.

Oh yes, you are right. Ensure the 17 year old never leaves the house.

Oh, wait, anything could happen at home too

What a dilemma for you OP

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