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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not allowing my 17 year old son to go to London

338 replies

Toooldforschoolruns · 22/07/2021 10:36

Me and dh are away in Scotland for a short holiday from tomorrow. My 19 yr old dd will be home with 17 yr old son and "in charge".

My problem is that ds wants to go to London with a group of his friends while we're away. We live about an hour from London on train so ordinarily if there was a problem we could be down there pretty quick. However, we'll be on west coast of Scotland, so not so convenient.

Are we being unreasonable for not letting him go? He's not happy with us "treating him like a child" but he's a young 17 and not very street smart.

Advice please 🙏

OP posts:
romany4 · 22/07/2021 10:46

He's 17! Not a child.
My ds1 left home and moved away at 17.
Yabu!!

Theoldcuriosityshop · 22/07/2021 10:47

I was working in London at the age of 15, commuting all by myself and everything. An 18 year old has just flown himself round the world, took him 44 days stopping off at different countries. I'm sure a 17 year old can manage one day in London without any trouble.

titchy · 22/07/2021 10:48

@mumsiedarlingrevolta

Won't the Regent St brothels be a bit fancy for a 17 year old?
True. He may know about the cheap and cheerful Covent Garden ones though, and they are handy for the 'Crack'n'Spice store in Leicester Square'.
annacondom · 22/07/2021 10:48

He's with friends. Their parents obviously disagree with you. Would another parent help out if there was an emergency? Do you think he'll get blind drunk and left behind? If not, YABU. Let him go. He's right about you treating him like a baby. Some people are running their own households at that age.

3luckystars · 22/07/2021 10:48

I would allow him to go. Talk to him about things that might happen and tell him to contact you if he runs into trouble. It will be good for him.

iklboo · 22/07/2021 10:48

Unless he has a history of getting lost, getting into trouble / in fights or has less sense than Father Dougal YABU.

DeathByWalkies · 22/07/2021 10:48

YABVU

He's 17, and will shortly be an adult. This is the age where he needs to be growing up and spreading his wings. He will be with friends, and if something goes wrong they'll simply have to use their problem solving skills to work out a solution instead of running to mummy and daddy.

There's very little that is going to go wrong in London on a day trip that could (a) be solved by mummy and daddy turning up with a one hour delay, (b) could not be solved by the teens themselves with a bit of initiative, and (c) could not be solved by asking others for help (e.g. someone breaks their arm - call a cab and get themselves to the nearest A&E; get lost on the tube - ask a station worker for directions)

Shortly after I turned 19 I was backpacking solo on another continent. Anything that went wrong, I had to sort it out for myself. Did me the world of good tbh.

AdelindSchade · 22/07/2021 10:49

This seems way too over protective to me and I think of myself as fairly over protective on the scale of things. There are surely other people who could help out if he was going to need anything.

elenacampana · 22/07/2021 10:49

I’m 6 months pregnant with our first child and literally right before I clicked on this thread, I was wondering what I can do to help her foster her own sense of self confidence and independence as she grows. I feel like not allowing her to travel an hour away with friends in the summer holidays is probably the opposite of supporting her as she grows.

Let him go OP. In all honesty at 17, I wouldn’t even have asked.

AlternativePerspective · 22/07/2021 10:51

Is it just me who hates the phrase “what if something happened?” Exactly what do people expect to “happen”?

titchy · 22/07/2021 10:51

To answer the OP - fucking hell woman. Cut those apron strings. He's 17 not 7. Talk about infantilising him.

So he gets lost on the underground, goes in the wrong direction? So what? I'm 52, have worked in London for donkeys years and still jump on the wrong tube sometimes.

Your kid is going to be one of those that goes completely off the rails when he goes to Uni isn't he, because he's never had any freedom from mummy breathing down his neck, wanting to be texted every 20 mins.

Topofthepopicles · 22/07/2021 10:51

He is right and you are being overprotective.

Taliskerskye · 22/07/2021 10:52

Oh man I love the crack n spice store in Covent Garden. Fond memories!

LagunaBubbles · 22/07/2021 10:53

What age would you be happy letting him go? 18? 25? £40?

SugarMiceInTheRain · 22/07/2021 10:53

I think YAB a bit U. I went interrailing with my friends round Europe at 17.

titchy · 22/07/2021 10:53

@AlternativePerspective

Is it just me who hates the phrase “what if something happened?” Exactly what do people expect to “happen”?
I know. And apparently if something happens to your 21 year old it's fine, whereas if they're a bit younger it's a catastrophe. Hint - it's awful at any age. 17, 37, 57.
AlternativePerspective · 22/07/2021 10:54

I would allow him to go. Talk to him about things that might happen and tell him to contact you if he runs into trouble. It will be good for him. No I really wouldn’t encourage the OP to “talk to him about things that might happen,” given she seems to already be paranoid I can only imagine what her list of “things that might happen” none of which are likely anywhere near reality, would look like.

romdowa · 22/07/2021 10:55

Yabu I went to Germany alone when I was 17. He is old enough to handle himself in London for a few hours.

HellonHeels · 22/07/2021 10:56

What age do you think you'd allow him to go on a day trip to London?

Grin

And YABVU for putting his slightly older sibling 'in charge' - how could she be responsible for policing his activities?

TwoLeftElbows · 22/07/2021 10:57

On strict understanding he remains with his friends I think he should be fine. He'll probably learn a lot too. Independent travel is a really important skill.

Youdiditanyway · 22/07/2021 10:57

I lived alone at 17 and had my first child. He will be fine.

soupmaker · 22/07/2021 10:58

For goodness sake OP. He's 17. Of course he can go to London with his pals. At 16 I went off to the nearest big city to us on a train 3 hours away with pals. At only just 18 I flew off to Majorca for my first ever holiday abroad with pals. This was over 30 years ago with no mobile phones, no internet in your pocket. I'm with your DS.

BeetyAxe · 22/07/2021 10:58

That’s a bit mad, what do you think is going to happen that you can do anything about if you were an hour away vs 3 hours away? Let him go, show some confidence in him.

Reallyreallyborednow · 22/07/2021 10:58

I would be a little anxious but I would let him. I would talk through what their plan is eg train times/stations/what they are planning to do, how to get around, get home etc and make sure he knows what he's doing, and what to do in the event that friends start doing something stupid. And then keep in touch by text on the day to reassure you all is well

He’s fucking 17!

My 16 year old is going to Reading festival in a couple of weeks. Camping with mates on site. I’ve told her to watch her drinks and her mates, and don’t hesitate to go to the medical tent or seek out police.

Day trip to London? Crack on and call me if you need.

takingmytimeonmyride · 22/07/2021 10:59

I live an hour away from London, and I'd have no problem with letting my 17 yo go. I doubt I'd even have a conversation about what could go wrong (I didn't when he went to Brighton)

I'd hope he'd picked up stuff from the times we've been to London as he was growing up, and that his friends would have his back if anything happened.

I was going to London with friends from about 14, and went to Italy with a friend at 17.