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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not allowing my 17 year old son to go to London

338 replies

Toooldforschoolruns · 22/07/2021 10:36

Me and dh are away in Scotland for a short holiday from tomorrow. My 19 yr old dd will be home with 17 yr old son and "in charge".

My problem is that ds wants to go to London with a group of his friends while we're away. We live about an hour from London on train so ordinarily if there was a problem we could be down there pretty quick. However, we'll be on west coast of Scotland, so not so convenient.

Are we being unreasonable for not letting him go? He's not happy with us "treating him like a child" but he's a young 17 and not very street smart.

Advice please 🙏

OP posts:
Benjispruce5 · 22/07/2021 11:09

Also, the only way to become street smart is to let him go!!

Iggly · 22/07/2021 11:09

He’s not street smart because you won’t let him do stuff like this….

DameAlyson · 22/07/2021 11:10

he's a young 17 and not very street smart.

How do you think he will become street smart if he never has the opportunity to learn? By the age of seventeen he really should be capable of having a day out alone or with friends and dealing with whatever problems might arise.

Blossomtoes · 22/07/2021 11:10

Thinking back I must have been an awful mother. My son went to Amsterdam with a bunch of mates when he was 16.

NannyAndJohn · 22/07/2021 11:12

Are you comfortable with him bringing Covid back into your house?

If you are, let him go. But I'd have him take a test a couple of days after the trip.

Reallyreallyborednow · 22/07/2021 11:14

No, definitely London. I appreciate it’s probably nothing unusual and all media bias, but I keep getting news stories like this crop up in my feed

Unless o/p has neglected to mention that her son is in a gang and going to London to join a gang war the chances of him being stabbed in Central London as a “tourist” are next to nil, and certainly no higher than anywhere else in the country.

Theredjellybean · 22/07/2021 11:14

And we wonder why there are endless threads about dp and dhs.. Who are complete manchilds and incapable of acting like grown ups or taking any responsibility.
Hardly surprising when a grown up of 17 has to have mummy's permission to travel an hour on a train... And mummy doesn't want him to go because she is not near enough to go rescue him... I despair

whatswithtodaytoday · 22/07/2021 11:14

Blimey. I went to Reading festival with friends when I was 15, and Amsterdam when I was 17... and this was pre-mobile phones! We used to go to London all the time to mooch around Camden.

I'm not quite sure how you're going to stop a 17 year old anyway, but yes of course he will be ok in London on his own.

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 22/07/2021 11:15

We live 40 minutes from London by train. My son is 17. He's going into London to meet friends tomorrow. He's been going in by himself since he was about 14/15.
Controlling a 17 year old that much seems inappropriate to me.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 22/07/2021 11:15

Blimey DD was spending the day in London with friends at 13.

Hankunamatata · 22/07/2021 11:16

Only you know him. At 17 I travelled back from America alone then got the train from London to Scotland alone 🤷‍♀️

Blossomtoes · 22/07/2021 11:16

@NannyAndJohn

Are you comfortable with him bringing Covid back into your house?

If you are, let him go. But I'd have him take a test a couple of days after the trip.

You never miss a chance, do you?
Beamur · 22/07/2021 11:17

I had a Saturday job in London at 15.
17 is old enough. Set some ground rules around time to come home (really don't risk the last train home) who to contact in an emergency, staying with friends etc.
He'll be fine.

SupermanWithTheGreyHair · 22/07/2021 11:18

Just wanted emphasise that it is normal to worry about your kids at this age, despite what this thread seems to say. Seems like there’s competition to be the coolest mum of who can worry the least about their child sometimes on here. 🙄 And of course they themselves were all travelling the world alone at 12. 🙄
Of course teens should be able to do stuff, but they’re young and don’t have much kids experience so it’s normal to feel a bit anxious. It gets easier the more they do it, for them and us.

JustLyra · 22/07/2021 11:18

He's 17. Why on earth is his sister "in charge" while you are away?

Surely they should both just be at home?

I'm surprised he asked. At 17 mine told me when they were going out for the day and when they'd be back.

SarahBellam · 22/07/2021 11:18

Completely unreasonable. My friend and I went to London from Northern Ireland for the weekend when we were 17. He can smoke, have sex and join the army, but he can’t go to London? Bonkers.

queenatom · 22/07/2021 11:19

I travelled from the NE of Scotland to London with a friend for a 4 day break when I was 17 (and went to university the same year). He will be fine, presumably there are other people closer to home you could call on to assist in the unlikely event that something goes horrendously wrong?

oneglassandpuzzled · 22/07/2021 11:20

If he's 17 and hasn't made a journey like that by himself before you need to make sure he does now.

LH1987 · 22/07/2021 11:20

I went to university at 17 and lived with friends hours away from my parents house. I think YABU, but I can understand being worried about him.

wombatspoopcubes · 22/07/2021 11:21

Next year he is a grown up, what is your plan to get him to an adult phase between now and then?

GreyhoundG1rl · 22/07/2021 11:22

I'm pondering what "emergency" a 19 year old girl is uniquely qualified to handle, that her 17 year old brother isn't?
Seriously, what are you envisioning happening that might see her needing to ride to the rescue?!
An actual emergency would be dealt with by the emergency services.

clary · 22/07/2021 11:22

Thing is, @SupermanWithTheGreyHair, you never stop worrying about your kids. But if you won't allow (!) a 17yo on day trip to London then there is something wrong, unless they have SEN we're not hearing about

MrsToothyBitch · 22/07/2021 11:22

The only way he will become more street smart is to go out and do things like this. Let him go.

At 17 my turn boyfriend and I went for a valentines mini break in Bruges, just the two of us. We were fine- and I wasn't the toughest, most confident kid. I was much more independent after that though.

When he is 18, he won't have to ask you. If he moves out then for uni, the forces, an apprenticeship or job or whatever, surely it's better that he has had more experiences like this?

AddressLabel · 22/07/2021 11:23

@Reallyreallyborednow

No, definitely London. I appreciate it’s probably nothing unusual and all media bias, but I keep getting news stories like this crop up in my feed

Unless o/p has neglected to mention that her son is in a gang and going to London to join a gang war the chances of him being stabbed in Central London as a “tourist” are next to nil, and certainly no higher than anywhere else in the country.

Yes, completely irrational on my part, I’d worry that as a young man, he’d be in danger of things like mistaken identity and wandering into gang turf and other stupid shit like that. I’d let my 17 year old go, after a talk on being “covid safe” but I’d be worrying.
whynotwhatknot · 22/07/2021 11:23

15 i was going to london alone meeting friends and this was 1990 so no phone or anyway for parents to contact me

youve got to let them go at some point