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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not allowing my 17 year old son to go to London

338 replies

Toooldforschoolruns · 22/07/2021 10:36

Me and dh are away in Scotland for a short holiday from tomorrow. My 19 yr old dd will be home with 17 yr old son and "in charge".

My problem is that ds wants to go to London with a group of his friends while we're away. We live about an hour from London on train so ordinarily if there was a problem we could be down there pretty quick. However, we'll be on west coast of Scotland, so not so convenient.

Are we being unreasonable for not letting him go? He's not happy with us "treating him like a child" but he's a young 17 and not very street smart.

Advice please 🙏

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 22/07/2021 11:00

I have older teens and live an hour from London- YABVU.

What if something happened at home? You wouldn't be home very quickly!

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 22/07/2021 11:00

He’s an adult why is he even asking you?
Unless there is about to be some massive drip feed about SEN then YABU.

Bibidy · 22/07/2021 11:00

Blimey, yes completely unreasonable. He's 17! What kind of problem would he have in London that you'd need to be there pretty quick for??

He should definitely be able to do this and tbh I'm surprised he's even asking at his age.

lurker101 · 22/07/2021 11:01

I would let him go - you’re no more easily able to get to your hometown should something happen from your holiday than you are to London, so that shouldn’t factor in your decision. Presumably he will also be “more careful” in a less familiar area, which I would imagine would make him safer. In a few months he’ll be able to travel the world without your input, let him go to London

GreyhoundG1rl · 22/07/2021 11:01

"talk to him about things that might happen,"
I'm seriously struggling to think of anything that might happen that wouldn't also happen in the city he lives in, tbh.
If he's safe to be out alone, he's as safe in London as anywhere else.

missymousey · 22/07/2021 11:01

I left home in Scotland and went to uni in London as a very clueless 17yo. Must have been tough for my parents but yes yabu especially if he's reasonably familiar with London already.

Amboseli · 22/07/2021 11:02

What are you worried about?! I was going into London age 13 with friends and Spain on holiday with friends at 17!

My DCs have been going out and about in London since they were 14. If they get stuck somewhere we've got family Uber accounts so can always get home.

Sparklesocks · 22/07/2021 11:02

I think 17 is old enough to go, plus he’ll be with friends.

AddressLabel · 22/07/2021 11:02

I’d let him, but I’d personally be worrying a lot as if you go off the media they’ve all gone a bit “stab happy” in London. Of course this is scaremongering by the media but I’d still worry about stuff like that, but I appreciate it’s unfounded and irrational and nothing statistically is likely to happen to him.

LynetteScavo · 22/07/2021 11:02

This time next year he could go abroad with friends - he needs to build up his independence this year so he is equipped for adulthood.

clary · 22/07/2021 11:02

Wow op my just 16yo went to a music festival with several mates for several days most after his exams.

I was a good distance away so couldn't rush down there...he was fine, as you 17yo will be. Is he usually allowed to go out with friends? Does he have some independence normally?

DottyHarmer · 22/07/2021 11:02

Has this boy never been on a school trip?!

Dd had a friend whose mother never let her do anything, eg no school trips or sleepovers. She even came round to our house to "inspect" it before the girl was allowed round. Ds and I and the dog stood there like idiots whilst she quizzed us. (Dh who might have been Fred West wasn't in....) Anyway, dd tells me that this girl has gone wild . Tattoos, a whole raft of genders, etc etc.

Sparklesocks · 22/07/2021 11:02

Also if you’re worried about him not being street smart etc, this is an opportunity for him to help learn that.

mindutopia · 22/07/2021 11:03

Yes, I would let him go. I was travelling into our big capital city (didn't grow up in the UK, but size/public transport similar to London) on my own (not with friends) by train from 15. It was 2-3 hours by train. At 17, I was at uni living on my own about a 4 hour flight from my family.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 22/07/2021 11:03

My DS has been going to London with friends since he was 14. We live 50 mins from the West End. He's 16 now and goes often for days out.

Most of my friends were actually working in London from the age of 16. I was from 18.

I don't know what you are worried about.

He could just as easily run into trouble 5 or 10 mins from your house while you are away. I don't see how being in London is any worse.

startrek90 · 22/07/2021 11:04

Yabu. Your son will soon be a legal adult and possibly moving out. He needs to learn to be streetwise sooner rather than later tbh. Also a 17 really doesn't need babysitting by their sister. Your son is right by the way, you are treating him like a baby. Unless you are about to drip feed that he has some sort of cognitive disability I suggest you apologize for being overprotective and wish him a good time.

JoveWhenHeSawMyFannysFace · 22/07/2021 11:04

YABU unless there’s an epic drip feed coming up.

He’ll be an adult in less than a year. If he’s not able to cope with a day out now, with friends, how is he going to manage travelling for work / university / whatever then?

SupermanWithTheGreyHair · 22/07/2021 11:04

He should be able to go. It’s very unlikely anything will go wrong, but if it does, his sister is an hour away and you’re only in Scotland. My son is the same age, I always feel better when he’s home and I know he’s safe, that’s normal, but you have to let them live. I’d ask him to text me at some point so I knew he was ok but he does that even if he’s fairly local and is out for hours. Let him go and enjoy your holiday. Your daughter will probably love the house to herself as well.

GreyhoundG1rl · 22/07/2021 11:05

they’ve all gone a bit “stab happy” in London.
No, we really haven't. You must be thinking of somewhere else.

spotcheck · 22/07/2021 11:06

Let him go

This is how they learn independence skills.

KatieB55 · 22/07/2021 11:07

Forces child - I got myself from boarding school in Devon to London and then Heathrow from age 11. No mobile phone.
Had to deal with delays, cancellations and diversions by myself - and some weird people. Taught me to be very self-sufficient. Lived on my own in London from 18. YABU!

cadburyegg · 22/07/2021 11:07

YABU I was going to London for day trips with friends from the age of 16

caughtinanet · 22/07/2021 11:07

I went for uni interviews all round the country at 17, in the good old days students went on their own on public transport and no one batted an eye lid. One of the unis I applied to was in London and I lived a lot further away than a 1 hour train ride. The mobile phone wasn't even dreamt of either, any kind of emergency would have involved finding a payphone as the first step

AddressLabel · 22/07/2021 11:08

@GreyhoundG1rl

they’ve all gone a bit “stab happy” in London. No, we really haven't. You must be thinking of somewhere else.

No, definitely London. I appreciate it’s probably nothing unusual and all media bias, but I keep getting news stories like this crop up in my feed; www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2021/07/06/two-teenagers-stabbed-death-london-sadiq-khan-warns-violence/

Benjispruce5 · 22/07/2021 11:08

Let him go. He should know how to get help if in difficultly by now.

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