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Original poster

Not allowing my 17 year old son to go to London

338 replies

Toooldforschoolruns · 22/07/2021 10:36

Me and dh are away in Scotland for a short holiday from tomorrow. My 19 yr old dd will be home with 17 yr old son and "in charge".

My problem is that ds wants to go to London with a group of his friends while we're away. We live about an hour from London on train so ordinarily if there was a problem we could be down there pretty quick. However, we'll be on west coast of Scotland, so not so convenient.

Are we being unreasonable for not letting him go? He's not happy with us "treating him like a child" but he's a young 17 and not very street smart.

Advice please 🙏

OP posts:
SupermanWithTheGreyHair · 22/07/2021 16:55

*when

bananaJamas · 22/07/2021 17:45

For goodness sake

Is this some strange joke?

Original poster
Toooldforschoolruns · 22/07/2021 17:51

Yes, it's a strange joke HmmConfused

OP posts:
BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 22/07/2021 17:55

[quote Thelittleweasel]@Toooldforschoolruns

I would get him to write out the conditions on which he would be allowed to go. Such as no alcohol, specific train back, contacts with family at regular set times and so on.

To emphasise that he has to work it out[/quote]
Sweet Christ, he's a normal teen going out for the day, not an inmate at juvenile hall.

Topseyt · 22/07/2021 18:20

@bananaJamas

For goodness sake

Is this some strange joke?

Why would it be a joke?

It can be hard to recognise when your "children" have grown up and you have to let go. Letting go is not that easy.

OP and her DS are doing fine and having the conversations and disagreements that thousands of teenagers and their parents have had before them.

My DD1 first wanted to go up to London with friends when she had only just turned 16. I did let her go, but I took a bit of persuading and had to firmly remind myself that children who lived in London could obviously cope, and mine would be no different. I was anxious. It felt like a leap of faith, but she went, they were fine and so was I in the end.

That DD is now 26 and lives and works in London. I go to visit her sometimes and we go out for the day. It almost feels like she is looking after me there now. Grin Grin I do look back now at that first trip she made and wonder why I found it such a big deal.

Futureself · 22/07/2021 18:25

Aw. It's hard, isn't it, OP? He'll be fine x

Nanny0gg · 22/07/2021 18:37

@Toooldforschoolruns

Me and dh are away in Scotland for a short holiday from tomorrow. My 19 yr old dd will be home with 17 yr old son and "in charge".

My problem is that ds wants to go to London with a group of his friends while we're away. We live about an hour from London on train so ordinarily if there was a problem we could be down there pretty quick. However, we'll be on west coast of Scotland, so not so convenient.

Are we being unreasonable for not letting him go? He's not happy with us "treating him like a child" but he's a young 17 and not very street smart.

Advice please 🙏

I was commuting to London daily at that age
Sunflowers095 · 22/07/2021 18:50

Do you not think he'd be a bit more street smart if he was allowed to do normal things for his age?

At 18 I moved alone to London from a foreign country alone. And I found it perfectly fine, as most people around 17-18 would.

crimsonlake · 22/07/2021 19:18

Glad to read you have changed your mind, but tbh I imagine with you away he would have gone anyway.
I was going to ask 'when are you planning to allow him to grow up?' Just remember this time next year he may be leaving home to go to uni?
No good will come of you trying to curtail his life as he is almost an adult, you need to start realising this and treat him as such.

FinallyHere · 22/07/2021 20:32

Short of locking him in the house, how are you going to stop him?

Isn't it more likely a choice of him going with or without your blessing.

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 25/07/2021 08:52

Phone snatching by moped/escooter is pretty rife in Camden at the moment so be mindful of that if he's going to the market and keep valuables out of sight as much as possible. Camden has always been a crime hotbed though. I recall having a bag slit (clearly after my valuables) while there (it looked as if they'd used a Stanley knife on it). I only discovered it when I got back home. Thankfully bag was full of books and magazines so they didn't make it to the inner-sanctum to find money!

hellcatspangle · 25/07/2021 09:25

You're being ridiculous. He can leave home and get married if he wants to, you can't ban him from going on a day out!

hellcatspangle · 25/07/2021 09:26

I would be a little anxious but I would let him. I would talk through what their plan is eg train times/stations/what they are planning to do, how to get around, get home etc and make sure he knows what he's doing, and what to do in the event that friends start doing something stupid. And then keep in touch by text on the day to reassure you all is well.

Is this for real? Sounds like guidelines for when a 11/12 year old goes out alone for the first time ever!

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