Not allowing my 17 year old son to go to London

[Toooldforschoolruns]

Me and dh are away in Scotland for a short holiday from tomorrow. My 19 yr old dd will be home with 17 yr old son and "in charge".

My problem is that ds wants to go to London with a group of his friends while we're away. We live about an hour from London on train so ordinarily if there was a problem we could be down there pretty quick. However, we'll be on west coast of Scotland, so not so convenient.

Are we being unreasonable for not letting him go? He's not happy with us "treating him like a child" but he's a young 17 and not very street smart.

Advice please 🙏

Poor boy. How is he going to get street smart if he never gets the opportunity to explore? He’s too old to be treated like that. Sorry but yabu.

There's a compromise and for me, that compromise would be just checking in once or twice

Yes, I’d expect this. Although as a family that’s just what we do anyway if any of us are out for the day or for longer, adults included, a 10 second text just to say how’s things, I’m fine, going for dinner now or whatever. My son is 17 and went away with friends for the last half term. He messaged me or his dad at least once each day just to say hello.

I moved out of home to a city 6 hours away from my parents at 17. I would say that I wasn't very street-smart either, and I wish my parents had given me more guidance on street-smartness. Can you do so for your son now? If you give him some guidance for your own peace of mind, I certainly do think he should be allowed to go to London with his friends.

Let him go out with his friends! Also, what 17 year old wants their 19 year old sibling to be put "in charge" of them? Poor boy.

@MurielSpriggs

Anything could happen.

Can we have some examples, please?

Aged 17 I went to Spain with my friends! We'd also galivant off to gigs in cities miles away without our parents even knowing where we were.

I think you should let him go. YABU.

Will he be going to Uni next year OP? How is he supposed to learn to look after himself there?

Dear Lord, he's 17! Let him go. It's totally unfair to foist your anxieties on him like this.

DD2 has been confidently catching the train down to London for a day out with friends since she turned 15. She's now 17 and a old hand at using the tube. She's planning a few days in Paris this Autumn half term with 2 other girls from her A Level French class. I wouldn't dream of stopping her going.

@GreyhoundG1rl

Are you comfortable with him bringing Covid back into your house? Right, because we've got it all here in London. Stockpiling it, in fact. Just waiting for unwary 17 year old boys to take some away with them to relieve the pressure a bit.

I'd be asking this regardless of where the trip is.

But he’s almost an adult?

two things. Is if fair to put a 19 yo brother in charge of a 17 yo? I mean what is he going to do if 17 yo says "bro I am out of here"

second is that parents all over the WORLD are desperate to know how you are going to stop your 17 yo doing what he wants to do when you are far far away. :)

I went to Spain age 17 with my friends.

He's practically a grown man!

YAB massively U.

My DS17 flew to Scotland on his own the other day.

I also have a 17 yo, and I would let her do this.

That's totally mad! At 17 I was driving all round the country to university open days. By 18, I was 8000 miles away and 10 days' letter away as the fastest means of contact except in absolute dire emergency! I used to go into London on my own from age 12. If there's a problem, he's nearly an adult, he can sort it out himself!

@godmum56

two things. Is if fair to put a 19 yo brother in charge of a 17 yo? I mean what is he going to do if 17 yo says "bro I am out of here"

second is that parents all over the WORLD are desperate to know how you are going to stop your 17 yo doing what he wants to do when you are far far away. :)

Exactly! No doubt he will go anyway, whether you like it or not, so you might as well wish him a good time!

@GreyhoundG1rl

Are you comfortable with him bringing Covid back into your house? Right, because we've got it all here in London. Stockpiling it, in fact. Just waiting for unwary 17 year old boys to take some away with them to relieve the pressure a bit.

And PMSL at the Covid stockpiling.

I'd be asking this regardless of where the trip is.
So, literally outside your garden gate?

I would let him go too. Not much will happen, sunburn probably if he doesn’t put on sunscreen

I think it depends. If they tend to not think things through and fall back on 'mum and dad will help me out' a lot, then you may be reasonable.

Had this with DD yesterday - just visiting friends and 'will be back by 9'. I offered to pick up so she wasn't walking home alone. Text 10 mins before pick up 'oh I won't finish until at least 11'. Nothing more - no 'I'll walk back with X, no 'can you pick me up later' - just assumes we'll fill in the gaps because we have so far. Doesn't think things through.

I'm struggling to think about how streetwise you need to be to hang around carnaby street and the Supreme store in soho. OP anywhere in london your child is likely to hang around is completely safe. Nothing is going to happen to him.

Haha in charge. I was left alone whilst my mum went on holiday for 2 months I think he will be fine

I'd be asking this regardless of where the trip is.

The local shops?

I think YABU. I wonder if maybe he's not very street smart because he hasn't been allowed to have that independence? I lived about an hour from London and Brighton at that age, and was off to both on my own all the time, but I'd also flown from SW England to Glasgow on my own to spend a weekend with a friend at 16. I know times are different, but 17 is very old to be limiting what he's doing in this way IMO

At 17 I'd expect mine to lie and me be none the wiser everyone happy .