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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not allowing my 17 year old son to go to London

338 replies

Toooldforschoolruns · 22/07/2021 10:36

Me and dh are away in Scotland for a short holiday from tomorrow. My 19 yr old dd will be home with 17 yr old son and "in charge".

My problem is that ds wants to go to London with a group of his friends while we're away. We live about an hour from London on train so ordinarily if there was a problem we could be down there pretty quick. However, we'll be on west coast of Scotland, so not so convenient.

Are we being unreasonable for not letting him go? He's not happy with us "treating him like a child" but he's a young 17 and not very street smart.

Advice please 🙏

OP posts:
JoborPlay · 22/07/2021 12:52

I'm amazed he asked, or that he needs permission. At 17 I'd be "I'm going to London on Saturday with Ella" and off I'd go...but then again I went abroad with friends at 16&17.

markmichelle · 22/07/2021 12:53

Camden Market used to be wall-to-wall with kids like him.
By next week you and he will be rather proud of him for doing it.

Sweettea1 · 22/07/2021 12:54

So he can't go to London incase something happens an you can't get there quick enough. Just curious how long does it take you to get home from Scotland if something were to happen?

LopsidedWombat · 22/07/2021 12:56

I'd have gone anyway, won't he just do that?

Sunshineandflipflops · 22/07/2021 12:57

I went to Ibiza for a week with friends at 17. Had a blast and came back unscathed. I was sensible but far from 'steetsmart'. The only way you learn that is to be allowed the freedom to do these things but with sensible measures in place.

sfeirical · 22/07/2021 12:57

He's 17. I moved away from home for university at 17. Let him go for the day with his friends.

pinkyredrose · 22/07/2021 12:59

He won't ever become street smart if you don't loosen the reins.

zeeboo · 22/07/2021 12:59

Omg the amount of gigs I went to in London when I was 16!! Long before mobile phones and constant internet contact.
I am really worried that a parent is even asking this question tbh.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 22/07/2021 13:01

Agree with others. How is he going to develop resilience?

bananafish · 22/07/2021 13:02

It's normal to worry, but honestly, they should be fine - London's great for tourists and it's still much quieter than normal in all the tourist spots, so a good time to come.

It's best to have a rough plan and pick a couple of places - it's easy to underestimate travel times and how big London, but aside from that, hope you let him go and he has a great time.

MissDollyMix · 22/07/2021 13:03

My husband was stabbed in Portsmouth when he was younger. It can happen anywhere. Your son needs to be able to spread his wings a bit. At his age I was out in London every weekend with friends. It’s so good for their self esteem and confidence to let them have a bit of freedom.

redtshirt50 · 22/07/2021 13:04

This is insane.

How is this even a question? He's 17!!!

Snoozer11 · 22/07/2021 13:06

I was a very sensible and mature teenager.

When I had just turned 18 my mother wouldn't allow to get the direct train 40 minutes away from a neighbouring town, for a job interview at 10am. My grandparents had to take me and I felt ridiculous. It's something I've never forgotten.

You should let him go.

JustDanceAddict · 22/07/2021 13:07

Of course he should go into London!

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 22/07/2021 13:08

Yes, completely irrational on my part, I’d worry that as a young man, he’d be in danger of things like mistaken identity and wandering into gang turf and other stupid shit like that. Unlikely unless deliberately seeking out dodgy neighbourhoods.

cansu · 22/07/2021 13:09

FGS he is 17 and he is going to central London. You are being ridiculous.

silverbubbles · 22/07/2021 13:10

You are being over protective. Let him go.

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 22/07/2021 13:10

FWIW 17 is assuredly old enough to go to London with friends unless you know the group is likely to be getting up to mischief (do they have form?).

cansu · 22/07/2021 13:11

If he did wander into 'gang territory and get into trouble, what exactly would you be able to do about it? I assume him calling you on your mobile and you jumping into your car to collect him? Oh hold on very violent drug gang, I am just going to call my parents, they'll be here in about an hour.

Highfivemum · 22/07/2021 13:11

I wouldn’t let him go. Not if I wasn’t in a reasonable distance to help if needed. That’s just me though and I think I am over protective due to life’s experiences.

FGTR3 · 22/07/2021 13:13

Over protective to me that. 17 is old enough to be out on your own.

bringincrazyback · 22/07/2021 13:13

At your DS's age my parents thought I was young for my age and not street smart. Neither of those things were true. I was out clubbing frequently in a party town at your DS's age, and this made me develop street smarts and an ability to handle myself pretty quickly, but because my parents had never seen me in that 'mode' they perceived me in an inaccurate/incomplete way.

Obviously you know your DS and none of us do, but the sides of him that you see at home don't necessarily embody everything about his character, that's all I'm saying.

Parky04 · 22/07/2021 13:15

I went for a weeks holiday in Ibiza with mates when I was 15! When my two DSs reached 16 I let them do whatever was legal!

depthdespair · 22/07/2021 13:16

It's not your choice to make, he's 17. He needs to do his own assessment of the situation and make his own decision.

TabithaTiger · 22/07/2021 13:16

At 17, I wouldn't have even expected my DS to tell me he was going to London if I was on holiday, let alone ask. I'd no doubt find out when he posted a pic on Instagram! We live an hour from London by train too. What do you think is likely to happen?