To leave 8 week old baby for the weekend?

[SheABitSpicyToday]

My best friend is having her hen weekend 8 weeks after I’m due to give birth. Will likely be more as I think I’m being induced early. It’s only 20 minute drive away and am taking my own car so can be home if I need to be or can get taxi.
Husband is actually looking forward to having the weekend to bond with baby by himself. Didn’t think anything was wrong until my sister said it was a disgusting thing to do and that the baby will be traumatised by it. I think she’s being Ott but do you think this is a terrible thing to do?

I did this, but I had stopped breastfeeding/expressing by then. I had fun, was nice to have time with friends and DH had a good time with DC, however he’d been hands on from day 1.

@Bythemillpond
Wow. Your daughter sounds so like mine. Almost identical situation .
DD was highly academic , gifted in maths but really couldn’t handle college life and dropped out very quickly. I was concerned about what that might mean long term , but the little madam has proven us all wrong and literally ‘levelled up’ through the company at lightening speed.
Her brother will benefit from this as I’ll be more inclined to trust his wishes when the choices arise and let him chase whatever path he wants .

Babies know their mother’s heart beat, smell and voice. A baby might feel a bit empty at some level if those things were not there

Yes they recognise those, but to suggest that they might feel ‘empty’ without them is ridiculous. The baby will be fine being consoled by their own father! By then they will know their fathers voice and smell and be able to distinguish him from another. If the the father isn’t capable of dealing with the baby on his own by then it’s usually because they’ve left mom to do all the main work. Ive plenty of videos showing both my DDs smiling and cooing at DH at this age, they were also forming an attachment to him and he managed just fine being left with them at this age.

The guilt tripping of a mom wanting to enjoy herself and have a bit of time to herself on this thread is bloody awful.

But people telling you that the baby won't notice & it makes no difference to them are scientifically incorrect and displaying a poor understanding of early development.

Actually they aren’t. Yes babies can recognise a mothers heartbeat, smell and voice from birth. But this isn’t a newborn, it’s an 8 week old. And typically an 8 week has not formed an attachment with a primary caregiver, that happens nearer the 12 week mark. Usually at 8 weeks, provided their basic needs are met, they’re happy regardless of who they’re with. Primary caregiver attachment typically starts nearer 12 weeks and usually by 6/7 months a baby will display separation anxiety. And then stranger anxiety a few months after.

Obviously for a breast-fed baby (although not an issue here) it’s trickier as many won’t take a bottle at this stage, but that’s because they expect the boob, not bottle. They want the boob, not mom. If you could stick that boob on dad they’d be equally happy!

Judgmental twit comes to mind.

@Havaword

Is this your first child? I wouldn’t have felt comfortable leaving my child for the whole weekend at 8 weeks old but I wouldn’t judge anyone who did. Also for me I was still exhausted and physically recovering but everyone’s different.

Yes everyone is different

Mines that age now, I feel uncomfortable going to the shop without him, no way could I go away for a weekend. My dad is having him in a couple of weeks while we have a meal and I don't plan on being away from him for more than a couple of hours. I don't think he'd be traumatised but I just might be!

Also, like fuck could I be arsed with a hen weekend right now. I feel silly staying up past 11pm!

The baby will be fine but you might find you just dont want to.

If you are planning to breastfeed this would be difficult. Few people would be able to pump enough to leave baby for a whole weekend, and you'd have to pump all the time to protect your supply and avoid football boobs, it would be a nightmare.

There is nothing wrong with it at all but most of the mums I know ended up crying in the local shop the first time they left their young baby alone for 20 min. So maybe have a couple of practice runs and dont commit to anything til you've seen how you feel. It's weird to having a baby inside you then permanently on you or next to you for 10 or 11 months then be away from them

Just seen your updates, if you know it wont bother you then why not

As long as the baby’s being fed, cuddled, and looked after properly, it will be fine.
Must say I could never have left mine for a weekend - or even more than a few hours - at that age, though, no matter well I’d known they’d be looked after - it was an entirely visceral thing

“ Babynanes2
And typically an 8 week has not formed an attachment with a primary caregiver,”

I don’t know who said that but I doubt it is true.

It sounds like the sort of scientist like the one in the 1950s or 60s who took a baby chimp from its mother, left it alone and then proved ‘scientifically’ that it got distressed - he needed to do the experiment. Or the old mantra, ‘ children are resilient’.

It am sure an 8 week old baby could also feel safe and happy with its father if he had been fully involved with care from the outset.

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

There is nothing wrong with it at all but most of the mums I know ended up crying in the local shop the first time they left their young baby alone for 20 min. So maybe have a couple of practice runs and dont commit to anything til you've seen how you feel. It's weird to having a baby inside you then permanently on you or next to you for 10 or 11 months then be away from them

Most of the mums you know have cried in the local Spar because they nipped out for milk without their baby?

Fuck me

@SheABitSpicyToday

Not our first baby no. With the first we left her overnight at 5 weeks and it was fine. I’ve no committed 100% as obviously can’t account for any complications etc. Not breastfeeding so that’s not an issue.

And....

I clearly don’t have the maternal instincts then because I’ve never been bothered about leaving my first baby and we’ve always had an incredible bond. She’s 7 now.

So why are you asking then, I mean other than to start a controversial thread?

There is nothing wrong with it at all but most of the mums I know ended up crying in the local shop the first time they left their young baby alone for 20 min.

Fuck me, you must know some very unusual mums.

I mean for just one to burst into tears in their local shop is strange, but most of the mums you know?

Where on earth do you know them from?

@SheABitSpicyToday

Not our first baby no. With the first we left her overnight at 5 weeks and it was fine. I’ve no committed 100% as obviously can’t account for any complications etc. Not breastfeeding so that’s not an issue.

not breastfeeding. your dh is going to be with your baby. your a quick drive back if there is an issue. have a great time. traumatised - that's ridiculous.

I was 4 months old when my mum fell pregnant with my brother. She spent 6 months of that pregnancy in hospital on bed rest because of kidney problems. My dad was working abroad in Saudi Arabia. As a result my auntie looked after me. I'm not traumatised by that so no way will a weekend affect your baby.

@Babynames2 that's just not correct. Please consult a resource that has been published in the last 40 years.

I left my 8 week old baby boy with my mum to attend a wedding for 2 nights. I was heavily bleeding and couldn't sleep as I missed him so much. If I could rewind time I wouldn't have left him but that was a wedding on my dh's side whereas this is a hen for a close friend. If you think you will be sufficiently recovered, go for it.

I don't think the baby will be traumatised, neither will you be. But I wouldn't have done it myself.

I've had three children and with the third I was happy leaving her for a few hours quite early on, but not a couple of nights at 8 weeks. I just wouldn't have wanted to do it and I wouldn't have had a good time.

That's me though, and if you think you'll enjoy it then you should go!

[quote DifferentHair]@Babynames2 that's just not correct. Please consult a resource that has been published in the last 40 years. [/quote]
Babies haven’t changed in the last 40 years. They’ve been the same since the dawn of time.

@DifferentHair

Well, it’s what I’ve been taught in both my undergraduate and masters degrees in child development in the last 10 years. I’ve also read plenty of recent research papers thanks. But I’ll let all of my lecturers know that you know better

There’s a difference between a baby recognising it’s mother, and being attached. A babies attachment style to its primary caregiver is usually not fully formed and established until near 12 months, it takes time for the attachment to fully develop.

Also, recent research will tell you that babies are capable of recognising their own fathers voice (and siblings) from birth or very soon after as well. And provided the father has been involved from birth the baby will not be even remotely bothered by being left with him for a few days at 8 weeks.

What is this nonsense about 20 ml per breast feed?

I breastfed both of mine in the days when (depending on birth weight) 3 or 4 hourly feeds were the thing, so they were having a lot more each time. It worked fine, and as very small babies they mostly slept between feeds.

If the dad has been reasonably hands-on with cuddles, I don’t see why the baby wouldn’t have bonded with him, either. Maybe my SiL was unusual, but I’ve got pics of dd’s young babies in just a nappy, sleeping on his bare chest.

Though having said that, as per my pp, I’d have hated to leave mine at all at that age.

@BFrazzled

I just answered a poster who boasted that her daughter "owns her own home" as a benchmark of life success that most people wouldn't consider it as such. I'd much rather my kids study or prepare for their careers in other ways than pay a mortgage at this age.

Owning a home at 20 is a great achievement and suggests that someone has worked hard, earned well and made sensible decisions. I would say that is a success.

YOU would rather your kids took a different path but everyone is different. You also may have the ability to fund a child through university while others don't.

You sound incredibly patronising and the way you speak suggests you're doing so from a place of privilege.

While you claim you didn't say the only choices were university or failure, you absolutely come across as believing that a child not taking up higher education is a failure or lack of care on the parents' part.

As someone who presumably sees yourself as intelligent with critical thinking skills, do you not think it's worth considering that if a number of people have pointed out you come across as highly judgemental, as patronising and as sneering... it could be that you do present as that way to others and it's something you could work on?

After all, education and self reflection are important life skills.