Furious with Selfish Son

[fib88]

I suffer from a rare autoimmune disease and on strong medication to stop my body attacking itself. I was put on the shielding list at the beginning of lockdown and also recently found out my vaccine didn’t produce any antibodies so I have no protection. My son is home from university and goes out socialising in London most days but promised to stay out of nightclubs as a compromise. Tonight I discover he’s at a massive nightclub event in London and has pretended to be elsewhere to me. When he comes home he will stay in his bedroom but I’m expected to share a bathroom with him, wash his filthy clothes and cook for him. He pretends to care but tonight I’ve had a real eye opener - I won’t, but feel like throwing him out. I’m so bitterly disappointed in him that he cares so little for my health. I could weep!

@Foundatarantulainmykitchen

There’s no possible way you could no that your vaccine has failed. Whoever told you that needs reprimanding

Whoever told you that needs reprimanding, Antibody tests are highly effective at determining whether or not your vaccines have triggered the appropriate response in your body. OP has an autoimmune disease, and would surely have been given this test.

@supersonicginandtonic

I understand you're vulnerable but when would you allow your son to do normal young people things? Would ge never be allowed again?

Are you suggesting she puts her life at risk so her son can get on with his?

I love how so many non CEV people are armchair experts on what those of us who are CEV have been and in many cases are going through.

1. lots of us on immunosuppressant drugs are enrolled in trials which test regularly for both N antibodies (from infection), S antibodies (from vaccine) and in the more recent stage also test for T cell responses. As these immunosuppressants often deliberately reduce our overactive T cell response, it’s v unlikely that will help us if we get Covid. I’m one of the lucky ones- 8 weeks post vaccine 2 I had S antibodies and my whole family could breathe again.

2. why is he not fully vacced himself? If he gave a shit he would be- my 17 and 19 year old both got their first jabs over 3 months ago when JCVI guidelines changed. If it’s been more than 4 weeks since he had first jab he can get his second at some walk ins- you need to make staying in your home on condition he gets his finger out and sorts his second jab

3. my kids have absolutely coped with a limited social life because they care about me. He can too. At the least he needs to stop lying and sort out somewhere else to stay if he wants to indulge in risky behaviour. My daughter did a lot of partying at uni once it became legal, but a week before each holiday return home she was far more careful and tested regularly. OP- at the least he should be taking daily LFT’s and cleaning up after himself.

4. again, where do those of you who don’t have chronic immune system conditions get off on telling people who do to stop worrying. You have no idea what it is like to regularly take drugs that have “death” listed as a side effect. To know that our lives will be shorter. To feel like a pincushion because we’ve given so much blood. To anxiously check the hospital app after every blood test to see what your white blood cell count is. To have already been used to all the inconvenience of wiping surfaces and wearing masks because viruses that cause a sniffle for most people could kill us. To have to ask your kids schools to alert you immediately there is a case of chickenpox in school so you can keep your kids off and away from you because that’s deadly as well. So fuck off with your “it’s not killing people” and “you don’t have to shield anymore”

@Mere1 often immunosuppressant medication called biologics switch off T cell responses. If the OP is on such a medication then even if she had any antibody response it would be considerably reduced compared to someone who wasnt on those meds. Basically taking meds that turn off the very part of the immune system the vaccines are supposed to train.

I’m so sick of people who are CEV and who struggle at the best of times being told to suck it up. We contribute to society too. We are parents and siblings and children, doctors, nurses, teachers and carers. We deserve as much of a ‘life’ as everyone else but it would seem our right to life in terms of existence is considered less important to some people’s right to get pissed and dance in a nightclub or go to a football match. I can’t tell you how it makes us feel to know where we are on the list of priorities.

We are not yet in a society where survival of the fittest is the way to go. That was tried in the 30/40s and didn’t work out too well.

OP read him the riot act. Selfish wee shit needs to learn there are consequences

Amen @MrsMcGarry

I wouldn't let him come home.

@MrsMcGarry

I love how so many non CEV people are armchair experts on what those of us who are CEV have been and in many cases are going through.

1. lots of us on immunosuppressant drugs are enrolled in trials which test regularly for both N antibodies (from infection), S antibodies (from vaccine) and in the more recent stage also test for T cell responses. As these immunosuppressants often deliberately reduce our overactive T cell response, it’s v unlikely that will help us if we get Covid. I’m one of the lucky ones- 8 weeks post vaccine 2 I had S antibodies and my whole family could breathe again.

2. why is he not fully vacced himself? If he gave a shit he would be- my 17 and 19 year old both got their first jabs over 3 months ago when JCVI guidelines changed. If it’s been more than 4 weeks since he had first jab he can get his second at some walk ins- you need to make staying in your home on condition he gets his finger out and sorts his second jab

3. my kids have absolutely coped with a limited social life because they care about me. He can too. At the least he needs to stop lying and sort out somewhere else to stay if he wants to indulge in risky behaviour. My daughter did a lot of partying at uni once it became legal, but a week before each holiday return home she was far more careful and tested regularly. OP- at the least he should be taking daily LFT’s and cleaning up after himself.

4. again, where do those of you who don’t have chronic immune system conditions get off on telling people who do to stop worrying. You have no idea what it is like to regularly take drugs that have “death” listed as a side effect. To know that our lives will be shorter. To feel like a pincushion because we’ve given so much blood. To anxiously check the hospital app after every blood test to see what your white blood cell count is. To have already been used to all the inconvenience of wiping surfaces and wearing masks because viruses that cause a sniffle for most people could kill us. To have to ask your kids schools to alert you immediately there is a case of chickenpox in school so you can keep your kids off and away from you because that’s deadly as well. So fuck off with your “it’s not killing people” and “you don’t have to shield anymore”

Wishing you and your family all the best. Unfortunately people seem to have an opinion on everything without facts or consideration for others.

Your son is allowed a life. You are trying to control him.

My dad also took part in the testing program a few weeks after his second jab and it came back negative for antibodies. However, we have found out the NHS antibody test shows up antibodies from having had covid not from the vaccine - two different things apparently!

You can buy a different test to check for vaccine antibodies.

If you’re this badly CEV then I think you should give him an ultimatum. He either takes more care and is mindful of your condition, or he’s out. Sorry to be blunt but it sounds as though Covid is much more of a risk for you and he just doesn’t get it.

Why do you wash his clothes and cook for him? If you behave like a doormat he will treat you like one. Make him stay elsewhere if he doesn't follow your rules. Get tough. FGS you must toughen up.

@Ilovewolfblass

Your son is allowed a life. You are trying to control him.

Please, if you can't be arsed to RTFT, at least read @MrsMcGarry and @Alpenguin's posts. To spell it out for you, OP's son's sacrosanct right to party could kill her. If he wants to go clubbing, he needs to find himself somewhere else to live.

08:13herewegogc

I took part in the same study with the same result. However it did say that a negative result does not mean you do not have antibodies.

This ⬆️. I did one showing I had antibodies following suspected Covid from early in the pandemic. The test literature made a massive point about not relying on a positive result and assuming you were protected, not to change your behaviour, to continue to do Face Space etc etc. I would assume therefore that you could also take your test result with a pinch of salt.

That said, I would imagine it's not just the worry, the feeling vulnerable, it's the fact your son has lied to you, and treated your needs as unimportant. This is what I'd want to discuss with him, and maybe suggest that he would be better off living elsewhere for both of your sakes. Good luck!

@hellsbells77

My dad also took part in the testing program a few weeks after his second jab and it came back negative for antibodies. However, we have found out the NHS antibody test shows up antibodies from having had covid not from the vaccine - two different things apparently!

You can buy a different test to check for vaccine antibodies.

Your Dad is in a testing programme for the general population. The OP and I and other people who are CEV are in different trials that meet our medical needs.

Stop assuming you know better than us about those of us who live constantly with chronic illness

Kinsters

Vaccine is no guarantee. I know of three people who are double jabbed and still caught covid, I'm sure there are plenty more.

I thought everyone knew this. The vaccine does not prevent you catching or passing on covid 19, but it does reduce the risk of serious illness or death.

If the OP's vaccine has failed and she is exposed to the virus, coupled with the fact she has a serious health condition, of course she remains extremely vulnerable.

OP you sound resigned to putting up with this. Please don't.

You don't have to shout. A calm conversation spelling out why he cannot come home will suffice.

Please do not put your life at risk by letting a reckless young person in your home. By standing up to your son you will teach him so much.

@foundataratantulainmykitchen Incorect I also know I have no covìd antibodies despite being double vaccinated , because I am part of a research trial. Her son is being a shit.

I think you will have to ask him to leave and live elsewhere, maybe return to University in September but until then, stay with friends his own age who will not be so badly affected if they catch the virus. You are very vulnerable and the bottom line is that he is putting your health at serious risk.

He's wrong to lie, but you seem to have a very passive aggressive attitude towards your son.

It's your house. So you can set the boundaries. Rather than complain about his behaviour but enable it.

If he's that good at making friends, he can find somewhere else to crash.

He can take regular lateral flow tests.

I get it's stressful. My partner is CEV and we have 2 children at school.

@Ilovewolfblass

Your son is allowed a life. You are trying to control him.

Fucking he’ll, there’s some stupid and heartless people on this thread. Do you not realise that OP’s son’s partying could kill her? Which do you think is more important: his partying or her actual life? FFS.

OP you need to tell him to abide by your rules or find somewhere else to live.

*hell not he’ll of course

@Ilovewolfblass

Your son is allowed a life. You are trying to control him.

She just wants to keep well!

I wish the op would come back with an update.

@MrsMcGarry

I love how so many non CEV people are armchair experts on what those of us who are CEV have been and in many cases are going through.

1. lots of us on immunosuppressant drugs are enrolled in trials which test regularly for both N antibodies (from infection), S antibodies (from vaccine) and in the more recent stage also test for T cell responses. As these immunosuppressants often deliberately reduce our overactive T cell response, it’s v unlikely that will help us if we get Covid. I’m one of the lucky ones- 8 weeks post vaccine 2 I had S antibodies and my whole family could breathe again.

2. why is he not fully vacced himself? If he gave a shit he would be- my 17 and 19 year old both got their first jabs over 3 months ago when JCVI guidelines changed. If it’s been more than 4 weeks since he had first jab he can get his second at some walk ins- you need to make staying in your home on condition he gets his finger out and sorts his second jab

3. my kids have absolutely coped with a limited social life because they care about me. He can too. At the least he needs to stop lying and sort out somewhere else to stay if he wants to indulge in risky behaviour. My daughter did a lot of partying at uni once it became legal, but a week before each holiday return home she was far more careful and tested regularly. OP- at the least he should be taking daily LFT’s and cleaning up after himself.

4. again, where do those of you who don’t have chronic immune system conditions get off on telling people who do to stop worrying. You have no idea what it is like to regularly take drugs that have “death” listed as a side effect. To know that our lives will be shorter. To feel like a pincushion because we’ve given so much blood. To anxiously check the hospital app after every blood test to see what your white blood cell count is. To have already been used to all the inconvenience of wiping surfaces and wearing masks because viruses that cause a sniffle for most people could kill us. To have to ask your kids schools to alert you immediately there is a case of chickenpox in school so you can keep your kids off and away from you because that’s deadly as well. So fuck off with your “it’s not killing people” and “you don’t have to shield anymore”

Very well said @MrsMcGarry

Tbh OP I’d be looking at whether you can be offered an alternative vaccine that is more likely to work.

Ultimately, covid is going to be here for the foreseeable future so there is always going to be a risk there.

I’d be getting your son to take regular LFTs and doing the same yourself.

@supersonicginandtonic

I understand you're vulnerable but when would you allow your son to do normal young people things? Would ge never be allowed again?

Are you for real @supersonicginandtonic? If he kills his mum, are any of those "normal young people things" going to be worth it?! I really struggle to understand some people's views surrounding this pandemic. I can only think that they must be the views of people who have not yet seen anybody really sick with Covid or Long Covid, and they must be the views of people who have not yet lost loved ones to this virus. Because they seem really skewed to me.

OP, if I were you, I'd give him an ultimatum. He will be angry with you, but will probably come round when he matures. If he gives the virus to you and kills you, there's no going back from that. We only have one life, but he probably just isn't mature enough to understand the possible consequences of his actions yet.