To think work will think I'm taking the piss if I have a third baby

[tagisakindrhino]

DH and I are starting to plan for our third.

I was on mat leave for a year in 2018 back for a year in 2019, then mat leave again for a year in 2020.

If all works out I'd potential be on mat leave for 2022/23.

My only reluctance really is work, I feel they will say I'm taking the piss (not as directly as that obvs). But with the first, it's like "fine", second child "well I suppose it's what everyone does", third child "oh for goodness sake!".

I could take less than a year's mat leave, maybe 6 months and share the rest with DH, but I think the guilt of not breastfeeding for a year like I did with the other two would weigh heavy.

Anyway, do you think I'm being unreasonable to think that most employers/managers think like this?

I just don't know how I'd justify apart from it's the size of family DH and I have always wanted.

Don’t justify it.

Don’t even think it. Work can suck it up.

They probably do but honestly fuck it

Do you think your work would consider your feelings if they made you redundant?

Of course they do but most probably would never mention it and there's nothing they can do.

Please don’t give this any consideration. Whether they are happy about it or not is not your responsibility - it’s their job to build space for maternity covers into their business plan, not your job to change your plans to accommodate your employer.

You don’t owe it to them to take a shorter mat leave or anything like that. You owe them good work when you’re in work, nothing more.

You can't make major life decisions on the basis of what people at work might think ffs. If you resigned tomorrow and left they will carry on and won't give you a second thought. Just be aware of your work rights. Take advantage of them as needed and if you want to have a third baby, have one.

Who cares? They pay you for your work. You’re legally entitled to a year’s leave. Women fought hard for you to have these rights, please use them as you’d like to.

How many children you have is up to you and your husband. No one else’s business.

Best of luck.

Honestly some of my work colleagues have had 4 and no one batted an eyelid.
Go for it. Work is only work.

You can't make life decisions based on what some people might think at work.

People might think "for goodness sake" because having a member of staff who is in and out every other year is an operational headache. There's no avoiding that. They shouldn't voice it though and your maternity leave should be handled professionally.

They will, but there's not a great deal they can do about it. It's probably not very much fun for your colleagues if they're having to cover your work. And not good for the environment. But if you want three then have three.

hello! i was on maternity leave 2018/19 (back 5months), 2020/21 and will be off again 2021/22. after being back 5months). I am a professional, working in the City and basically i have accepted that my career at my current firm (have been there 11years) is over once i come back. i plucked up the courage to tell work last week - not gonna lie i felt like a naughty school girl - and it was actually fine (they can't not be though!).

As the PP have said, don't make major life decisions based on your employer. you can find another job if necessary (as i will).

When you’re looking back on your life, which situation would you regret more:

1. having a third child and potentially annoying an employer
2. not having a third child so you avoided potentially annoying an employer…

You are just a number to them. Do what’s right for you and your family and don’t take anyone else’s opinion into consideration.

Fuck em.
Have another one.

If it was men that had babies it would be oh, so different.

It might be a bit irritating for them but it's your life and surely that means you have to do what's right for you and your family over work?? You aren't the first and won't be the last woman to have more than 2 kids and 2 lots of mat leave. It's just life and work has to deal with it...or hire robots? X

@plodalong12

Do you think your work would consider your feelings if they made you redundant?

Exactly this. Maternity leave is an employee benefit just like any other, use it or lose it. A good manager should know there is a chance that an employee might go off on mat leave or sick leave (or leave altogether) and plan accordingly for those risks.

Do what you want at the end of the day. It depends on your job i guess but it's been frustrating in my workplace in the past with similar
back and forth.

OP, any company would make you redundant in a heartbeat if it was in their best interests, it's what companies do, it's not personal, its business.

I think you would be very unwise to factor them into your child bearing decisions.

Go for it.

They would make you redundant without a second thought so have a 3rd baby if you want, and don't give a second tbought what work might say.

Well yes you probably will get that reaction but does it matter🤷‍♀️.

Do what you want but if you are still breastfeeding at 6 months, there is no reason why you would need to stop if you went to work. I went back at 5 months and continued to breastfeed for another 3 years, this included periods of 12 hour shifts and night shifts and apart from the first 3 months was full time,

None of their business.

It really depends on what your job is. Are others incredibly inconvenienced by your mat leaves or is it fairly easy to get temporary cover? Or is your company cheap about salaries, and doesn’t even get cover but just divides your work between remaining colleagues (always terrible and bound to cause office-wide resentment about mat leaves; this then plays the whole office against you even though they should blame the company)? How expensive is it for the company if they do provide cover (I’m not saying you should take this into account; I’m saying they will in their mental deductions)? If it’s all difficult and expensive for them, then they’re going to be a little more unforgiving (though they say nothing to you) than otherwise.

If you want to have a third child, then no, you shouldn’t let work stop you. BUT. You should be prepared that they will find “little” ways to make it harder for you when you come back this time, and that if there need to be redundancies for some reason, they will absolutely put you on the list as “not a team player” even if your work was impeccable otherwise. I’m not even pretending that’s fair.

But this is all very, very job-dependent. And company-dependent.

Well of course they are going to think that. But you can’t make major life decisions like if you wish a third child or not based on the fact you’re employer is going to think ffs.

None of their business. However, I went back to work after 4 months and am still breastfeeding my DD now she's 2 and a half, so it's not true to say you can't breastfeed and work (though there's clearly going to be some bottle/cup feeding when you're not there).

@DinosaurDiana

None of their business.

Well of course it’s their business, they need to cover for her, she will have had three pregnancies very close together and been off more than she’s been there,