To think work will think I'm taking the piss if I have a third baby

[tagisakindrhino]

DH and I are starting to plan for our third.

I was on mat leave for a year in 2018 back for a year in 2019, then mat leave again for a year in 2020.

If all works out I'd potential be on mat leave for 2022/23.

My only reluctance really is work, I feel they will say I'm taking the piss (not as directly as that obvs). But with the first, it's like "fine", second child "well I suppose it's what everyone does", third child "oh for goodness sake!".

I could take less than a year's mat leave, maybe 6 months and share the rest with DH, but I think the guilt of not breastfeeding for a year like I did with the other two would weigh heavy.

Anyway, do you think I'm being unreasonable to think that most employers/managers think like this?

I just don't know how I'd justify apart from it's the size of family DH and I have always wanted.

You say that when you get back you will be in "career building mode". That's fine, but don't be surprised if after three maternity leaves close together you're passed over for promotions and other opportunities. That's not to say you shouldn't have the family you want, you absolutely should but it's a bit naive to assume that it won't have an impact on your career prospects.

I’m in public sector and there’s a generous mat leave policy, but nobody is ever covered when people take it, so work is redistributed. I’ve been working there almost 6 years and covered 14 colleagues on mat leaves.

At my last place they would advertise the post internally as a temporary one. Then the successful candidate's post would need to be backfilled or the work divided between other people.

@CounsellorTroi

I’m in public sector and there’s a generous mat leave policy, but nobody is ever covered when people take it, so work is redistributed. I’ve been working there almost 6 years and covered 14 colleagues on mat leaves.

At my last place they would advertise the post internally as a temporary one. Then the successful candidate's post would need to be backfilled or the work divided between other people.

I'm in a profession within the public sector - there aren't people within the wider organisation that can step in temporarily, because they aren't qualified. The organisation can't recruit externally because there's a freeze on external recruitment (and even if they could, there aren't loads of professionals sitting at home wanting a temporary job). It's unfortunately not straightforward where I work.

@Washimal

You say that when you get back you will be in "career building mode". That's fine, but don't be surprised if after three maternity leaves close together you're passed over for promotions and other opportunities. That's not to say you shouldn't have the family you want, you absolutely should but it's a bit naive to assume that it won't have an impact on your career prospects.

This is the reality. I've been on may leave for 3 of the last 5 years, my skills aren't the freshest and I've made it pretty clear that my family is my priority over my career. You would have to be incredibly naive not to realise that your employers will be aware of all this too.

In my case, I don't give a shit about my career at the moment, I like my job and am good at it but I know I'm on nobodies list for promotion and frankly, why should I be.

You do need to accept this when you take a bunch of maternity leave close together. You might want to come back and build your career, but your employer will likely have other ideas. There will be exceptions of course, but the majority of people who have three children very close together will not have the time or energy for career building for at least a few years.

i Feel sorry for the employer..
To the OP, maybe consider the ramifications of your life choices and how it affects the employer
Just my opinion but really selfish of you to consider this taking into account it’ll be your 3rd whilst still employed and the company pays

Havent RTFT, but dont give work a second thought. Women go off pregnant all the time. It's to be expected whether its your 1st, 2nd, 3rd or however many times.
I went back to work after my 2nd pregnancy and on my return to work interview told my boss I was pregnant again and although he looked a little surprised, I was congratulated all the same and went off on mat leave after being back for 5 months.

@pleasedonttextmyman

Mat cover is non-existent outside of (some) public sector roles,

completely and utterly untrue.

You just have to look at job adds to see how many "maternity cover contracts" there are.

Yes, it's irritating and it has a cost for small businesses, but that doesn't mean anyone should put their life on hold either.

It's non existent in my public sector non-clinical NHS job. My department has never been given any budget to cover mat leaves, the rest of the team just has to pick up the work, and deadlines may end up being slipped because we don't have enough people to meet them.

@RichardMarxisinnocent Same for me (also public sector profession but not NHS).

I wouldn’t worry about the ML as quite frankly you are covered by law. However as said by others it may well be an “unsaid” factor in any restructuring or other redundancy issues in the future.

Also, I would have a serious think about childcare with 3 kids. Presumably you can afford nursery etc, but then also the sick days of new kids, holiday cover, after school. All of that adds up massively with more than 2. If I was serious about my career I would worry about unexpected childcare needs being too demanding to be able to do what was needed.

Also, the points about the impact on the environment are well made, having more than 2 does seem to be a less environmentally conscious decision.

this has been picked up by the Daily Mail

@Walkerbean16

this has been picked up by the Daily Mail

Omg! I've just googled itThank goodness this site is anonymous!!!

Must be a pertinent debate but what a weird thing to go to your editor with. Although I see it's had 1k of responses so click bait for them.