To not do the school run anymore

[TangledTangles]

I used to do the school run a lot for DHs kids, DSD and DSS. They are here the majority of time, just over 50% at 4 nights per week and with their Mum for 3.

I used to do the school run on both DHs days and their Mum's days regularly because my work is down the road from the school and it was easiest out of all of us for me to get to work on time when dropping off and quickest for me to get back to them at after school club after work.

I'd say (outside of Covid) this was going on for about a year and a half. It started as me just helping out a few times and gradually just became the norm.

I recently had a baby, she is 5 months old. I haven't done the morning school run since. She is a bad sleeper and I'm knackered basically, mornings is actually when she sleeps the longest chunk so I am not getting up and dragging us both on the school run. DH and ex seemed understanding at first but I can sense this is waning now and I keep being asked with by both, occasionally with a slight tone of annoyance and sort of "why can't you". It's been stressful between them trying to sort it themselves for the last 5 months I think but quite honestly I don't care.

AIBU to say to both that they need to assume from now on they will be doing this themselves and I won't be available, IF I feel I can help every now and then I will but they should assume it'll be them from now on.

I think my husband doesn't mind as much as he starts work a little later but I know it's a struggle for his ex on her days and she was quite relieved when I started doing this (and grateful at the time).

If your at home on maternity leave and the kids are with you 4 days a week then you and your partner need to share the school runs. Your baby will sleep on the school run. What happens if you have another baby when your current baby is at school/nursery? You are going to have to do the school run with a baby like thousands of women do. You aren’t working and hopefully can have a catch up nap at some point during the day. School run on mums days I would say aren’t your problem .

But that will be their choice to have more kids.The dilemma now shouldnt exist because they are not her kids.They have 2 parents who are able to but just got lazy.

I’d have carried on doing it personally so as not to disrupt their routine, so they didn’t feel pushed out now their is the new baby and because if I was in a relationship where there were existing children I’d see it as one family not two
It's not a bad thing for kids to understand that new babies have needs that need taken care of too. When siblings are born, parents have to be shared. If you choose to calm that adjustment "pushing them out" you're being over dramatic.
See it as one family if you like, but why must only one of the three adults in this family take responsibility for 100% of the drops offs and pick ups?

I’d have carried on doing it personally so as not to disrupt their routine, so they didn’t feel pushed out now their is the new baby

If their father take them to school/breakfast club then why does it matter? They’re still getting to school safely.
The children will not feel pushed because of their father taking them to school 🙄. They should be happy about it if anything.

It's not a bad thing for kids to understand that new babies have needs that need taken care of too. When siblings are born, parents have to be shared. If you choose to calm that adjustment "pushing them out" you're being over dramatic.

Only applies to children whose parents aren’t together .
When I had my youngest, I didn’t take my older children to school for a whole month. Can you imagine if they were stepchildren and how it would have been viewed as this big rejection on my part and me pushing them out?

What happens if you have another baby when your current baby is at school/nursery? You are going to have to do the school run with a baby like thousands of women do

The OP can choose whether to have another child with that sort of age gap. It's not a valid comparison. A lot of the comments on here are pretty nasty, I must say.

If these were OP’s own kids there’s no question she would be sharing morning drop offs with DH

If they were her own kids she might not have a baby with a school age child because she would have chosen the gap. Or she might have stuck to having one child.

If the op wasn’t around, ie two separated parents who were single, then they would have to just get on with it themselves wouldn’t they?

It’s not the op’s responsibility to get the DSC to school if it doesn’t suit her, which it currently doesn’t.

If these were OP’s own kids there’s no question she would be sharing morning drop offs with DH

Quite right. Completely irrelevant though isn’t it?

Honestly these threads always make me think some people will never be satisfied if a dad parents his own children. Always has to be where the stepmum is chipping in and doing her bit even though he’s more than capable of doing it himself. It’s tiresome.

I’d have carried on doing it personally so as not to disrupt their routine, so they didn’t feel pushed out now their is the new baby and because if I was in a relationship where there were existing children I’d see it as one family not two.

So their step mother needs to upend her life to stop them from feeling 'pushed out', but the fact that neither of their parents want to take them to school is just fine? Neither of the people biologically or legally responsible for the children need to do anything at all to ease their transition into a new way of life, but the OP needs to fuck herself over to preserve the sanctity of their school run? I am amazed at how low some people's standards and expectations are, both for parenting and partnership.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

I’d have carried on doing it personally so as not to disrupt their routine, so they didn’t feel pushed out now their is the new baby and because if I was in a relationship where there were existing children I’d see it as one family not two.

All this does is support the idea that you should do as little as possible for your SCs from the off, in my opinion. If having a baby means not being able to adjust the way you used to do things at all to suit your new reality, then you're better off doing the bare minimum from the start 🤷‍♀️

In the real world, changes do happen when a new baby is born. Older kids need to get used to it.

I'm really confused. I don't agree with it being dumped on you but is this really what blended families have become? I was that stepchild, if people are seriously saying don't because it's not your child I think that's so sad! You've chosen to become involved with someone who has children who spend a large proportion of their time with you! It doesn't mean it's solely down to you, of course not but surely you're a family, regardless of the situation. If that were the reasoning I would never have seen my DF once my mother moved us cross country. He had to work a lot to pay maintenance etc and that meant my step mum picked up the slack because he was told come to work or lose his job. Before that, she used to pick us up after school when my DM couldn't. I love my step mum, have blended families really come to this? There shouldnt be a piss take but surely something could be worked out between them all for the children.

@disappear

You helped out when you were going that way, to work, to help them out. If you are on maternity leave, you are no longer going that way so there is no reason for you to take the DSC to school.

this.

This is a complete and utter piss take though.

OP's step kids' parents aren't unable to do the school run, they just don't want to be inconvenienced.

The bar is set to incredibly low for fathers, and blended families ain’t gonna work until that bar is set much higher. Is it so bad that a father does every single morning school run for his children without the stepmum having to chip in just for the sake of it? Gosh when did that start equalling the children being hard done by?

Thinking back to my own school years it’s just cringe worthy the thought of being taken to school by your parents when your at secondary school, I have no idea why any child over 11 would want this!

You say, "I'm not available to do the school run any more."

They say, "But whhhhhhyyyyy?!"

You say, "It's not convenient for me any more."

Then repeat ad nauseum. You don't need to give ANY excuses beyond "it's not convenient for me."