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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

1 sibling just given a house

395 replies

canary1 · 20/07/2021 07:40

My parents have two houses, one they live in, one has sat empty for many years. The empty house was inherited. I’ve just been told third hand that one of my siblings is to be given it, is moving into it, and in addition, is being financially assisted by my parents to do the work that needs doing to it. It will be her house.
Some may say I’m merely jealous, but of course I’m jealous that one sibling has been this on a plate, while the rest of us work hard to achieve far less.
I also feel it confirms my parents’ hurtful and now blatantly obvious bias towards her.
AIBU to feel hurt and upset by this news?

OP posts:
Northernsoullover · 20/07/2021 07:41

Nope. I would feel the same way.

Clawdy · 20/07/2021 07:44

Totally wrong, if it's true. Maybe check before you say or do anything.

LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 20/07/2021 07:45

I’d feel the same. It would have been fairer for house to be sold and you both get equal amounts towards deposits.

Are you sure she’s not renting it off them though?

Original poster
canary1 · 20/07/2021 07:46

They don’t know that I know this, neither they nor her have mentioned it in any of the many conversations we have. I assume on some level they know its not normal, what they’ve chosen to do. I’m really shocked when I heard this from another relative. They never mentioned it to me, neither my parents or the sibling in question.
I haven’t seen them in quite a while due to the restrictions, but talk a lot to them. I’m generally the one who does the contacting, now I come to think of it. Just so upset.

OP posts:
Standrewsschool · 20/07/2021 07:47

I would feel the same why. However, I would need some more details. Will it be Theres to keep or are they just living there? Will they be paying rent? Is a short term plan to get the house ready for selling? Are your parents trying to encourage independence? You say you got the facts third hand, so maybe it was just a suggestion.

If the house is being gifted to them, I would feel cross. If they were just renting there, not so bad,

LawnFever · 20/07/2021 07:48

If it’s true you’re not wrong to be hurt, but hearing this third hand you might also not have the full story.

You need to ask them directly exactly what’s happening before doing/saying anything, it could easily be that something quite different is going on.

Standrewsschool · 20/07/2021 07:49

Check to see if the rumour is true - ask them, before going in all guns blazing.

Original poster
canary1 · 20/07/2021 07:49

No, it’s true. She’s not renting it, she’s getting it. And helping her to do work on it too!
I feel like a fool. I have children, I love them all to pieces and could not ever be so cruel. Not all parents feel the same it seems. So upset right now

OP posts:
Original poster
canary1 · 20/07/2021 07:50

Third hand was from another sibling

OP posts:
SmokeyDevil · 20/07/2021 07:50

Ask your parents and find out if it's true first. Your relative may have misunderstood or is trying to stir up trouble.

Original poster
canary1 · 20/07/2021 07:51

I was quite thrown and didn’t ask how that sibling found out, the details, or his thoughts and feelings on the matter

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 20/07/2021 07:52

Has that child always been the favourite? Was she living with them until then? Does she work?

OceanTurtles · 20/07/2021 07:53

This is really shitty but it happened to my DP too.

His younger brother got a deposit from PIL's for his house in London.

DP didn't get help with anything. We're currently renting and of course don't expect a deposit given to us but it isn't nice when he realised his brother got given the whole deposit when he's always been a favourite child anyway.

CrouchEndTiger12 · 20/07/2021 07:53

Very well. When my parents came to be elderly I wouldn't lift a finger to help.

The other sibling can do the care and the running around after them.

I'd be very upset and I not sure I could ever spend time with them much again.

AhNowTed · 20/07/2021 07:53

If that's true it's absolutely disgusting.

MathsFail · 20/07/2021 07:53

Message you parents.

"hi Mum/Dad. I've just heard that X is moving into the other house? Is this true? What's the situation there, is she renting from you?"

MiddleClassProblem · 20/07/2021 07:54

So how many siblings are being snubbed?

Shelddd · 20/07/2021 07:55

Hard to say without further details. Do you have contact with your parents? Does the other sibling? How is your relationship with your parents?

Original poster
canary1 · 20/07/2021 07:57

Yes so sickened by it. So upset right now. Those advising me to find out if it’s definitely true, , I will, but I’m not sure I can face speaking to them yet, I will return to this thread when I know.

The sibling who told me is not a trouble stirrer at all. He wouldn’t make this up or embellish facts. I didn’t ask what he personally feels about it
though, he may feel like me?

Thank you for support, I’m comforted to hear others would also be disgusted at this.

OP posts:
Original poster
canary1 · 20/07/2021 07:57

3 siblings snubbed

OP posts:
Original poster
canary1 · 20/07/2021 07:59

I haven’t seen them due to Covid in a long time, they all live abroad. Prior to Covid I was traipsing over to them sometimes a few times a year with my kids in tow. The effort I went to 🙄

OP posts:
WrongKindOfFace · 20/07/2021 07:59

If it’s true it’s shitty on their part.

I can see there are some circumstances which parents may reasonably choose not to give equal shares (maybe due to health, disability) but generally it’s unfair and unpleasant to play favourites.

MiddleClassProblem · 20/07/2021 08:00

Yowza. I know it’s doesn’t solve the favouritism but at least you’re not the only one singled out.

timeisnotaline · 20/07/2021 08:03

I’d feel the same way. I’d chat to my other sibling- it sounds like there are more than 2? My parents would never do this.

GrandmasCat · 20/07/2021 08:04

My sister was very angry for years because my parents bought me and my son a house when I divorced.

They didn’t buy me a house, they lent me £5000 for the deposit which I returned in a few months. But nobody told her the details because she never asked.

It is not unusual for parents to help those who they see more in need. They also help in different ways, my parents didn’t lend her money for a deposit as she had enough saved for that but they are still cooking lunches for her, dealing with her laundry, babysitting her dog, and paying for her and her friends every time they go to a restaurant (2-4 times a week) or on a holiday together.