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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To involve strangers in a meal train?

355 replies

ChockaChick · 20/07/2021 02:21

Just moved house and just had a baby…. We’ve briefly met the neighbours on either side and they seem perfectly pleasant. HV has suggested starting a meal train in the road. Yet I really don’t think I’d feel comfortable asking strangers to cook for us. Surely that’s something you organise amongst friends and family, not new neighbours you’ve not met yet? I’d think it a bit cheeky tbh if I got a demand for food from some unknown newbie. AIBU?

OP posts:
user1477249785 · 20/07/2021 02:24

I think it would be weird

RainbowMum11 · 20/07/2021 02:29

It would be weird, meals are surely offered?
If you need meals, ask your neighbours but this seems weird really.

Genderwitched · 20/07/2021 02:32

No you can't ask strangers to give you food, I would think it extremely strange. Do you have any family nearby?

Susannahmoody · 20/07/2021 02:33

Meal train?

GCAcademic · 20/07/2021 02:33

I had to Google what a meal train is and am still not sure I’ve understood. You would be asking people to cook you meals? If so, please do not do this.

Susannahmoody · 20/07/2021 02:34

Like taking turns at cooking on the street?

Monty27 · 20/07/2021 02:37

Just why would your HV suggest this? It's beyond me 😮

GCAcademic · 20/07/2021 02:37

@Susannahmoody

Like taking turns at cooking on the street?
From what I read when I googled, it’s not taking turns. It’s one person being provided with meals because of a major life event.
Lenorestjohn · 20/07/2021 02:37

@Susannahmoody

Like taking turns at cooking on the street?
The street would the turns cooking for OP because she's just had a baby.
VimFuego101 · 20/07/2021 02:39

This is an American thing, often organised through a church. I don't think it would go down well in the U.K.

anonforamo · 20/07/2021 02:39

This is very common in America. Usually in Churches when someone has a baby, adopts, is sick or there's a death. People also arrange it for friends and advertise on FB, in email etc.

I am not sure why your HV suggested this but I would say no, not to ask people to contribute who are neighbours or who you barely know unless they've explicitly offered to cook for you.

ShinySquirrel · 20/07/2021 02:40

This sounds like such an American import.

Congratulations on your baby and please don't ask your neighbours for meals!

BadLad · 20/07/2021 02:42

I think this would be a bit cheeky, because a) they are people you've only met briefly, and b) it's for your own benefit.

Susannahmoody · 20/07/2021 02:48

Ah OK I thought it was like a co-operative, thanks everyone!

Sounds good, in theory. Practice? Meh not so much

Original poster
ChockaChick · 20/07/2021 02:48

I think it would be weird too. Thanks for confirming that I’m not going crazy. I’ve no idea why HV would suggest it and no she is not American. Confused

OP posts:
Gingerspice100 · 20/07/2021 02:52

Lol. This is totally an American thing (I am a Brit, living in America who has just had a baby -2nd DC) and a few of my friends have asked to 'get on my meal train'. Its a website that allows people to schedule meal drop offs for you in a time if need. It's a lovely concept, but very un- British (ha ha) and makes me cringe a bit. The baby shower almost pushed me over the edge. 🙈 plus I am not organized enough to have set it up.

I would defo not ask your new neighbors but if you are struggling to make meals for yourself (or just wishing you had nice food and don't have time to make it) I'm sure your friends and fam would happily step in. I personally have been having a lot of toast and takeaways and loving it! Two friends gifted me seamless gift cards (the equivalent of deliveroo or Uber eats) now that is a sick present for a new mum!

Gingerspice100 · 20/07/2021 02:52

And congratulations!!!

Ozgirl75 · 20/07/2021 02:58

Having a baby isn’t a disability or a sickness though, assuming everything went ok. How hard is it to have some pasta or shove something in the oven? Plus presumably people have planned before, it’s not like you don’t know the baby is coming.
Obviously if you’re horribly struggling, if your partner is away and you have no family and can’t afford to eat, I’d ask the neighbours but it would be a last resort for me (in fact I would never ask but that’s just me!)

AbsentmindedWoman · 20/07/2021 03:08

Fucking weird!

Would you really want to eat food cooked by total randoms who happen to live on your street? Confused

Honestly I'd be very wary of anything the HV says now, she sounds completely inappropriate.

Pallisers · 20/07/2021 03:15

No you shouldn't do this. And your HV is a bit odd.

But I have done this living in the US - didn't call it a meal train but when families in our community - be that community, church, school, daycare, neighbours - are under stress, yes we cook and give meals to them. it is a real tradition here. It isn't a weird american thing - it is a very nice amerian thing.

notangelinajolie · 20/07/2021 03:16

Meal train? What on earth is a meal train? It is good that you know what one is but I'm guessing that you aren't in the UK. Could you please enlighten us?

AmericanEskimoDoge · 20/07/2021 03:17

Hm. I've never heard of a meal train before, even as an American. It's not uncommon to drop off food for people you know friends, relatives, or a community, church, etc. who are recently bereaved or going through a crisis, but I've never heard of making food for someone who's had a baby! Confused A mother, aunt, or sister might do that for you, but not everyone you know or random people on your street.

It would be considered very strange in my area of the U.S. to ask for food or offer it to someone you don't know very well, just because they'd recently had a child.

SilverOnToast · 20/07/2021 03:20

Meal trains are so American. How odd for HV to suggest this! I’m also a Brit in the US, and have been given meals for life events (bereavement and babies) here.

It’s actually one of the really lovely community things that people do here, and it really helps to get to know who neighbours are etc. I also often feel awkward to know how I should address life events for other people I don’t know well. Before I moved here, it’d often just be a card and a quick mumbled “sorry for your loss”. Or no mention of anything because I wouldn’t want to make them feel bad (?!) Now I know I just need to buy a frozen lasagne to put out for our meal train day which feels like a more useful “active” thing to do iyswim (you can cook, and we sometimes do, but just providing ready-made foods is also fine).

And no, it’s rare to be completely unable to cook after giving birth, but for me, not needing to cook for three weeks was so much more useful than another pack of newborn babygros. It’s also a good thing to organise for people with subsequent babies who they already have gear for.

I agree that it would be really weird to do this in the U.K though. It’s just not culturally a thing Brits do, for a ton of reasons, mainly to do with privacy. But giving alcohol here isn’t as culturally acceptable in the same way (see thread about teacher gifts).

Original poster
ChockaChick · 20/07/2021 03:26

For those who don’t know, a meal train is where people take it in turns to provide meals for someone supposedly in need.

@Pallisers I agree that it is a very nice American thing. BUT when organised by someone else (i.e. not you demanding it yourself) amongst people you actually know.

OP posts:
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