To involve strangers in a meal train?

[ChockaChick]

Just moved house and just had a baby…. We’ve briefly met the neighbours on either side and they seem perfectly pleasant. HV has suggested starting a meal train in the road. Yet I really don’t think I’d feel comfortable asking strangers to cook for us. Surely that’s something you organise amongst friends and family, not new neighbours you’ve not met yet? I’d think it a bit cheeky tbh if I got a demand for food from some unknown newbie. AIBU?

These are very common in uk churches too - at least in the south east - though once never heard them called a meal train before. But - you don’t organise it yourself!! It’s always organised by someone else who asks around to find other willing volunteers.

What’s a HV? And what the f… is a meal train?

HV is health visitor.

Meal train, exactly nobody in the UK will have heard the expression.

My first thought was a fancy vintage train like a mobile restaurant.

@PrincessesRUs

I'm in the uk and my church does it here.

Yes I know churches can be very supportive if they know one of their congregants is in need. It's confidential too, in the sense that only the church members involved know about it. That's not the same as asking people in the road to donate and, let's face it, most people don't need that sort of thing and would be embarrassed to receive it.

let's face it, most people don't need that sort of thing and would be embarrassed to receive it.

I dunno, I mean I'm in the UK and before this thread had never heard of meal trains.
However I can see they'd be helpful but IF you were part of a church and it was the kind of thing they were known to do.
To randomly ask your neighbours to start one up on your behalf, or even friends you know well would be a bit lol.
Agree though if someone had knocked on the door with a shepherds pie or basket of mini muffins after I'd just given birth and I wasn't expecting it, I'd be a bit "Whut?"
Grateful but "Whut?!" nontheless lol.

Especially if a whole train proceeded to drop more stuff off during the week, I'd be wondering what the fuck was going on

I've been asked to participate in these before - there are even websites to set them up. I would not wish it for myself because I've seen some people's kitchens.....

Of course you don't suggest it yourself. And a bit rich for the HV to assume they know which person is struggling the most on your street. Your neighbours may be dealing with all manner of things.

Agreed MissTrip.

(I wouldn't worry about people's kitchens though, the heat of cooking kills off most germs. I should know ).

@GeorgiaGirl52

Meal train is definitely an American thing. Usually churches or people from work, but can be neighbors. I am guessing the blue or pink stork sign in your front yard is also American. HV however, is totally a British thing. Never heard of it until I got on here and definitely would not let some stranger in my house when I had just had a baby. We go instead to New Baby Clinics at the pediatrician's office.

HVs are not strangers. They are NHS staff who come and help with advise and to check on you and your baby in the comfort of your own home. and of course free, like the rest of the health care. Your gp will also make a home visit if you are unable to get to a clinic - another 'total stranger' entering your house... free of course...

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I wouldn't bash Brits too much. When shit hits the fan people do rrally help out. Open door and kettle on after terrorist attacks spring to mind. People rallying around for families who lost houses in fire. And so on. It happens, and actually often, when there is a serious reason.

absolutely. I find it baffling that americans are v into taking pies/meals over to neighbours like they are really into community and helping each other, yet it apparently is an absolute vote killer to try to get free health care for all like almost every other country in the world (and no maternity leave). I have always found brits to be very kind and helpful (londoners too).

We do this in my church (in the UK) and I know loads of other churches that do it. Usually for someone in the church who has had a baby or needs a helping hand because they have had a death in the family or some other major life event. We did it for a single guy who lived alone and had had an operation. It’s a really great practical way of helping your church family. We call it meals on wheels and have actuality just started using a website to make it easier called Take Them A Meal. But it is offered to you and you can accept it if that would be helpful - I’d not be asking people to do it, especially not neighbours I didn’t even know. If you have family close by, you could ask them to help out. I loved it - for two weeks we had our dinner cooked for us after our baby was born! Congratulations and hope you can get a little help if you need it x

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I think the fact that it's nearly exclusively "we do this at my church" on this thread, is the reason so few of us have heard of it

It caught my eye as well.

I don't think UK is mainly atheist country.

Actually I think it is largely atheist or disinterested. England has the lowest percentage of the population attending church in 2015 (4.7%). Maybe if more people knew about the free meals they could boost attendance.

Actually I think it is largely atheist or disinterested.
England has the lowest percentage of the population attending church in 2015 (4.7%). Maybe if more people knew about the free meals they could boost attendance.

I think it's more the disinterested. Most locals i met were Christened (baptised?) and have middle names from it. Where I am fromm I knew personally whole 8 people who belonged to religion (4 of them each family). The nnwrs there would look differently if people, like my grandparents, stopped claiming we are a Christian family when none of us has been Christened and churches are visited just as touriats attractions 🤦

I am agnostic and ours is not a church group, just a mix of Mums and neighbors, although it’s interesting to hear that it’s generally a church thing. It all started when a neighbour living alone needed chemo.

dons hard hat in advance here

I've noticed it's more common in places/groups where there is more focus on community, but also where there is more of an expectation of traditional gender roles in families - ie the cooking is very much the woman's job.

Hence churches and I say this as an attending Christian myself, where gender roles are firmly ingrained, and it being very popular in America, which has a higher churchgoing population, and from my experience of American families (mostly through FB groups tbf) the mum as cook seems much more ingrained than in the UK and we still have a long way to go

My old church did a meal train for an elderly man whose wife broke her leg. That's lovely, but they've never done them when the husband falls ill as she can still cook for them both right? It gets right on my goat.

I've just taken part in one of these in my community in NZ (though we didn't call it a meal train). It was for the family of someone who tried to take their own life and was in a mental health unit. Loads of kids, partner really struggling.

It was nice to do something simple for someone and know it made a difference. And it was a way to say "I care", to someone you don't really know, without intruding on them at a vulnerable time.

Health visitors are often mad.

No one does this in UK. I never heard of a meal train until you mentioned it. You cannot ask strangers for food (and I wouldn’t eat food made my randoms either).

Don’t alienate your neighbours by following that terrible advice.

But part of it is that someone is supposed to organise it on your behalf. You're not asking strangers to cook for you.

Exactly. Is the HV young and on Instagram/social media a lot? I wonder if she has seen this on American social media, thought it seemed a good idea but not totally understood the concept, then adapted it in a really odd way. I do find Brits sometimes do this- take nice American traditions and mutilate them into something unrecognisable.

I do find Brits sometimes do this- take nice American traditions and mutilate them into something unrecognisable.
Ain't that the truth!

Nooooo, it's quite cheeky to ask and you have no idea what their kitchens are like. I'm not a clean freak but I'd need to know people better before I'd eat food they'd made. I know I'm a bit weird.

I've heard of meal trains being a thing in the US and I can see why ones run through churches here would work, but I don't think it'll take off otherwise. It's a kind idea but just not very British? Where did your HV come by it?

Honestly, if you were my neighbour and otherwise unknown to me and tried to implement this, I'd think you were a right cheeky fucker, sorry. You have no right to my time. You have no idea of other people's budgets or what's going on in their homes and lives. Babies are sore spot for me atm, too, so without you actually meaning it, a request for something like this would actually be very upsetting and hurtful. I'm also a very picky eater. I wouldn't want food from a stranger in these circumstances and nor would I want the job of sorting a "suitable" meal for a stranger, either. I don't have endless time, money and resources to chuck at catering to dietary requirements etc.

Tell your HV where to get off!

@justlliloleme

Nooooo, it's quite cheeky to ask and you have no idea what their kitchens are like. I'm not a clean freak but I'd need to know people better before I'd eat food they'd made. I know I'm a bit weird.

No, you're not.

Sounds like yet another ghastly American import we don't need. Flipping cheek if you ask me, it's one thing for a neigbour to offer, quite another to ask. What the heck is going on these days?

Oh dear, American culture really does make me cringe

Before you go on full American bashing, note that even there it's offwred, not asked for.

Just working towards better Brotish reading comprehension here 😁

It appears that once again, British import of an American custom takes an odd turn. Please note that in the US, a mom-to-be does not organize her own baby shower. Similarly, a new mom does not organize a "meal train." A shower is hosted by friends and providing meals is also organized by friends. I have participated in "meal trains" usually with my grandmother's lemon pound cake recipe.

We also organize meals for family when someone dies, too, especially in the South.