To involve strangers in a meal train?

[ChockaChick]

Just moved house and just had a baby…. We’ve briefly met the neighbours on either side and they seem perfectly pleasant. HV has suggested starting a meal train in the road. Yet I really don’t think I’d feel comfortable asking strangers to cook for us. Surely that’s something you organise amongst friends and family, not new neighbours you’ve not met yet? I’d think it a bit cheeky tbh if I got a demand for food from some unknown newbie. AIBU?

But why is it a meal TRAIN? It doesn’t work as a train does.

Your HV is off her rocker (but that is fairly standard).

Bad idea, you'll instantly become the CF entitled new neighbours

I sort of hope it’s a cultural thing we in the UK might import from the US because it sounds great (though we probably won’t because unlike cultural imports like going all out for Halloween, nobody can sell a load of plastic tat for it). But it’s not really a thing over here and would be a bit odd. And I don’t think you’d be organising your own even it was a thing, as others have said. I mean, who weird and awkward would that be?!

Are you ok op though, are you struggling in some way and that’s why your HV has made this somewhat bonkers suggestion? Because if so, maybe posters could suggest some alternative plans?

I think you should write to your local CCG and express concern about the HV who undoubtedly needs some training/assessment of her life skills/common sense!

@burritofan

But why is it a meal TRAIN? It doesn’t work as a train does.

Your HV is off her rocker (but that is fairly standard).

Because, depending on the formality, they can be very scheduled, and they're mostly supposed to refer to a period of transition.

If you’re not familar, meal trains are calendars that coordinate meals for our loved ones, usually when they’re going through a life change. Maybe they’ve just had a baby and are busy with diapers and new sleep routines. Maybe they’re grieving over the loss of a parent so they can’t cook for themselves. Whatever they’re going through, by setting up or contributing to a meal train, you can make sure they are being well-fed during their time of need or transition.

www.mealtrain.com/

www.thekitchn.com/whats-a-meal-train-265095

Sometimes they're a mark of respect and remembrance. I don't recall which WI it is but one of them pledged to supply the meals to the bereaved widowers and children of the women who died in a disaster. And they made good on that promise, year after year.

I’ve seen this done in a faith community in the uk but otherwise not. Think it’s lovely but not something the expectant mum can suggest

It’s weird to organise a meal train with British people you don’t know, if these strangers offer to cook for you that’s totally different but asking them to cook is a no no.

I’ve known this happen in the U.K. with the congregation of a church but it’s organised by one of the meal makers rather then the receivers.

In my ex pil village they would do this sort of thing. But because it was a fairly secluded village, where the community was very close. In winter they could often get cut off for the main roads so did rely on each other. Not everyone was involved, especially as the village grew and not every body knew eachother.

But it was usually organised by the village council. No one fairly, new moved in and started asking for people to provide meals.

You got added in by signing up. Usually someone from the village council would spread the word. You went to the village hall and signed up for a certain day. If you were new to village and signed up, they would also make sure they looked after you.

Though in winter everyone just helped everyone.

If you were new in the village but been helping other people, someone would offer as soon as they knew you were pregnant. In your case you probably wouldn't have had chance to help out, if the baby came soon after or before moving.

It was a lovely community, if not a bit suffocating sometimes, but it certainly wasn't someone knocking on doors asking for meals to be delivered. The HV seems confused

Are you struggling to feed yourself? Are you needing some support?

The HV has it wrong.

A meal train is something a friend organises for a friend who needs it. You don't just ask strange new neighbours to do it for you. No way would I trust unknown people with that.

We did it when a school mum was widowed. We had a on-line spreadsheet and picked a day to drop off. I wasn't comfortable with cooking so bought her nice fresh soup and bread.

We do these for friends and neighbors. But someone else organises it, not the couple themselves. We usually do an evening meal for 2 weeks

If someone knocked on my door requesting this, I would point them in the direction of the nearest cafe or something.

My friendship group used to always do this for each other. But no, I wouldn't ask strangers!

Never heard of a meal train but I have received and taken part in a meal rota before...which sounds like it's the same thing but less bizarrely named.

It was so helpful to have 1-2 weeks of meals provided after having a baby! Once a group of us provided meals for nearly 2 months for one friend who had a baby very prematurely. I had no idea it was an American thing or that it's seen as a wierd thing to do here.

HOWEVER I would never have asked someone to do it for me and certainly not people I barely know

Not just an American thing (although the term is). Certain types of churches in the UK have done this for decades.

However, it's never asked for. And it's in a church where people are committed to caring for each other and loving each other.

I don't know about your street, but I can't say we're committed to loving each other in mine - I don't even know most of their names yet!

I would think someone was an extreme CF if I was asked that for a couple expecting a baby. If a parent was very sick or the baby would be born with disabilities that’s different. I’m a single parent and had simple meals for the first few months. Oven chips with sausages and microwave veggies etc

Gosh. How are you doing OP, practically and financially?

I'm not sure I'd be comfortable eating food cooked by anyone and everyone (and assuming others are the same, in similar situations I head for Cook or M&S). I think it could be a lovely arrangement in the right circumstances but having it forced on people, either giving or receiving, isn't the way to go imo.

Congratulations on the baby

Sorry if it seems unreasonable to ask, but what does "HV" stand for? I've worked through all possibilities but am still stumped.

Really weird. Never heard of anyone doing it here.

We’ve done this through our church and I would happily do it for our elderly neighbours if I knew they were struggling. I agree though, it would be a bit weird to start your own.

Only ever thought this existed in American movies or series.

I wouldn’t like this at all tbh and cringe at the thought of what your HV has suggested YOU do!

Not at all British!

Lynn - Health Visitor

I've known it happen here as one local church tends to do it when someone has a baby, and an NCT group did it for another new mum who broke her wrist so couldn't cook.

One of my FB friends who attends the church where they do this had a huge strip of FB when mondo did it for her when her DF died. This person is very well off and doesn't work. Cue some people who work full time and juggle family commitments and struggle to afford their own weekly shop offering to drop off a lasagne. It was hideous to read and I lost a huge amount of respect for the person whinging.

Overall I think it's a great idea though.

I've seen a form of this done for a very seriously ill neighbour, but volunteered completely by their friends & neighbours with no request at all.

We are part of quite a close knit friendship group where it's a tradition to provide ready meals when someone has a new baby, again though, never asked for, just tactfully given by other parents who know how useful it is in the early days not to have to cook yourself a meal.

In the UK you don't ask for these sorts of things, although it's not unusual for them to be provided by close friends & family.