To involve strangers in a meal train?

[ChockaChick]

Just moved house and just had a baby…. We’ve briefly met the neighbours on either side and they seem perfectly pleasant. HV has suggested starting a meal train in the road. Yet I really don’t think I’d feel comfortable asking strangers to cook for us. Surely that’s something you organise amongst friends and family, not new neighbours you’ve not met yet? I’d think it a bit cheeky tbh if I got a demand for food from some unknown newbie. AIBU?

When my son came along I just cooked for myself perfectly normal food and everything.

I would be so baffled if someone on the street asked me to cook for them. I may offer it if I know nextdoor has had surgery or a death in the family, but frankly, I barely have time to cook for us due to work. The amount of times I've had a bag of monster munch for dinner this year is unbelievable

Lived it up last night though with an M&S ready meal.

Another Brit in the USA and meal trains are very much a thing here. My synagogue organises them all the time. But part of it is that someone is supposed to organise it on your behalf. You're not asking strangers to cook for you. Your friend would say "I'm doing a meal train for the Nerd family, everyone sign up here" and your dinners would just turn up. The point being you don't do a thing.

I'm in Oz and it's a thing here. At school whenever anyone has a baby or some bad luck, we're all told to get cooking basically. I thought WTF when I first came but now it seems normal.

However I agree the HV is weird to suggest YOU organise it! Maybe she's heard of it and got the wrong end of the stick.

However I agree the HV is weird to suggest YOU organise it! Maybe she's heard of it and got the wrong end of the stick.

Agreed.

I think it's one of the loveliest and most supportive aspects of US community life.

I've done something like this as a volunteer cook for a charity that prepared and delivered meals for very ill people. People could stipulate their personal food preferences, we would accommodate a lot of special requests around people's medication etc. (there were some drugs that were to be taken with approx. 200 calories and no more than 2g of fat etc.).

I am aware of it being quite arduous when the person at the centre of it stipulates that something must be organic ingredients only, gluten-free (I'm not talking about coeliac people here but someone who knows that people have a mixed-use kitchen), plus a mass of restrictions that lead to it being expensive. It would be one thing doing that for a friend, it would be another doing it for a stranger (unless you were part of a voluntary organisation that did this).

I’m also in Oz and have never heard of it before today!

Meal train is definitely an American thing. Usually churches or people from work, but can be neighbors. I am guessing the blue or pink stork sign in your front yard is also American.
HV however, is totally a British thing. Never heard of it until I got on here and definitely would not let some stranger in my house when I had just had a baby. We go instead to New Baby Clinics at the pediatrician's office.

Someone I knew had I've set up for them. It's one of the cheekiest things I've seen. Why should people cook for you just because you've got young children.

It's a nice idea if it's a group of friends I guess, but it's not something I would want, how would they know what you like for one. And the etiquette is that someone would organise it for you. The HV cannot possibly think you'd knock of all your neighbours doors and say "Hi, I'm OP, here's a schedule of when you'll be cooking a meal for me." Lol can you imagine!

complete CF territory

We do them at church, it's something we do to support new families, make their lives easier for the first few weeks. We often do them after a bereavement or illness. I think the key difference is that we offer the meal train, that it's a thing we do as a community. If you'd just moved in next door and had a baby I'd more likely turn up with biscuits.

They're wonderful things but I don't think I'd ask my neighbours for one, that would feel really rude. .

I'm from America. No one here does this lol. I have never even heard of it

I would like to point out that having a new baby really can be quite exhausting especially with a Caesarean.

But it's also about making the new mum feel taken care of. One less thing for her to worry about. The idea is that the new parents should be able to focus on the baby and getting settled. It's really lovely (as long as people don't take the piss with non-medical requests). It's not like you get them forever, unless there's exceptional circumstances. It's usually a week or two.

It's a lovely concept but not really something you can organize yourself. When my DH was hospitalized, some of my mum's churchy friends popped round with lasagnes and sheps pies which were fab. But I then had to return the dishes and go out of my way to get their numbers and then ring them and thank them which was probably more effort than to just cook a meal tbh...

But realistically, how hard is it to whack a pizza or a ready meal in the oven if you're really struggling?

You are in Britain not some blue bayou backwater in Alabama, surely you just get Ocado ?

I live in the US and would still find it weird. This is normally for when families have lost a family member or are have a very sick family member. I’ve literally never heard of it being for having a baby, beyond immediate family.

But realistically, how hard is it to whack a pizza or a ready meal in the oven if you're really struggling?

If you mean the OP, some FTMs can be struggling badly. As can others who might have had a rough birth and be unsupported.

And some people can be so unwell that the simple actions you mention can be beyond them. And, for people who are carers for them, it can be a huge kindness at a time of increased stress or when they need to spend even more time caring for someone.

What a weird proposal, especially when you have easy access to fairly good quality meal deliveries like Wiltshire farm foods. So much pre prepped food on offer also from supermarkets, which can also be delivered.

I get some women are in a bad way. I wasn’t great after giving birth. But as everyone including yourself have said, you can’t impose this on neighbours.

Crikey OP. In Britain we have Marks & Spencer. Thats what it's for. Meal trains are not in accord with our lovely generous British characters. Dont do it, stick to coffee mornings.

I wouldn’t dream of asking! They are lovely ideas where they are a thing and someone else organises them. I have fond memories of the ribs someone brought when my baby sister was born in the us (not in a bayou backwater for the judgey types )
Our dcs school does them here in oz, I think for babies as well as illness.

@EmbarrassingAdmissions

But realistically, how hard is it to whack a pizza or a ready meal in the oven if you're really struggling?

If you mean the OP, some FTMs can be struggling badly. As can others who might have had a rough birth and be unsupported.

And some people can be so unwell that the simple actions you mention can be beyond them. And, for people who are carers for them, it can be a huge kindness at a time of increased stress or when they need to spend even more time caring for someone.

Well, I would assume the dish of lasagne would arrive cold and to be heated anyway, so in what way is it any different to bunging a ready meal in the oven?🤷‍♀️

Way back in the day when I used to commute long distances, on Fridays my usual carriage of commuters would buy up big from M&S- hummus, wine, cruidites, salamis, baguettes. It became quite a thing to share amongst us all and anyone else who had the mis fortune to board our particular carriage.

That's what I thought you meant by a 'meal train' OP.

What you actually meant.... not so much. I understand it is a lovely cultural thing in the US., but in the circs you describe I think it would go down like a lead balloon.

I agree it would be very weird. If a neighbour asked me to do this I would think they were incredibly cheeky and would tell them to jog on.

Of course I'd do it for close friends and family but they wouldn't have to ask!

If a new neighbour asked me to provide them a meal I’d think they were a CF! Fair enough if it’s someone I know who needs a little extra help. I had DC late 80’s/early 90’s (so far less food options) and if I was hungry and didn’t feel like cooking I’d make a sandwich, heat some soup or stick a potato in the microwave. So I wouldn’t expect to provide a meal for someone who’s given birth unless they were bedridden or otherwise incapacitated.