To involve strangers in a meal train?

[ChockaChick]

Just moved house and just had a baby…. We’ve briefly met the neighbours on either side and they seem perfectly pleasant. HV has suggested starting a meal train in the road. Yet I really don’t think I’d feel comfortable asking strangers to cook for us. Surely that’s something you organise amongst friends and family, not new neighbours you’ve not met yet? I’d think it a bit cheeky tbh if I got a demand for food from some unknown newbie. AIBU?

And surely the vast majority of new mums have a dp, failing that a mum, sister, best friend or just order from Ocado - asking strangers just no.

I wish we were all a hell of a lot less British at times tbh.

This is not just about "British". Many non Brits myself included raise the eyebrows at having to cook for random neighbours you aren't friend with.

@H328

No wonder new parents struggle at times with the attitudes we have in this country. There's nothing wrong with looking after others in our community who might need a helping hand, for whatever reason. Not everyone copes the same after each birth for various reasons. I think the supportive and thoughtful act of making them a meal is a really lovely idea.

I wish we were all a hell of a lot less British at times tbh. Ok maybe the expectant mother is not the one to organise the meal train, but in itself it could be a great thing. Suppose it is that worst of MN crimes though - American.

no its because of the way that its been presented here. As has been said, many communities of people who already know each other do stuff like this. Where this happens, there is oversight and organisation and the service is offered, not arranged by the person who needs it. Personally I would not accept food cooked by folk I didn't know and i certainly wouldn't go door to door in a new neighbourhood asking for it

The people around the person in need start up a ‘meal train’.
Not the person in need themselves.

Your HV is very odd suggesting you set one up yourself. She/he has obviously misunderstood what a MT !

Just moved house and just had a baby
I wouldn’t say you are a person in need tbh!

Ignoring the fact that the phrase ‘meal train’ is annoying, a good example of when this kind of thing works is when a group of friends and/or neighbours get together and provide meals (on a rota) for a family who have just suffered a bereavement or an individual who is suffering significant illness.

a good example of when this kind of thing works is when a group of friends and/or neighbours get together and provide meals (on a rota) for a family who have just suffered a bereavement or an individual who is suffering significant illness.

Now that's logical and i think many of us have done it in our life but not in an organised fashion

@bigbluebus

Seriously? This is a 'thing' when someone has a baby? You usually know you're going to have a baby and roughly when. Plan ahead, fill the freezer or buy in easy to cook food supplies. If there's 2 adults then surely one can manage to put some food together for a meal! Totally different to someone suffering a bereavement when friends/neighbours dropping off meals is often the done thing in the UK.

Exactly this.

There must be a back story here, no one would suggest this otherwise.
I can only see this being suggested if the op was struggling to cope and eat or financially.

No one asks their neighbours to start making them dinner just because they have had a baby,

For all the people finding it cringey (I find the idea of asking people to do it cringey btw) and scoffing that 2 people should be able to cook a meal and get on with it, would you turn down a meal if a friend or family offered it? 🤷‍♀️

I'm not ashamed to say I did find it tough when I had DC2. I had PND , no family that lived close by and DH is self employed, and went back to working 12 hour days within a few days of baby being born. Unlike most MN who think everyone should just get on with it and looked after 7 children with no help, I did struggle. I was very grateful for people at church bringing meals. Of course i did have to find ways to cope on my own and do it myself. And I reciprocated and made meals for other people at different times.
Why is it a bad thing to accept help, or something that makes life easier, if its offered?

no its because of the way that its been presented here

I'm replying to all the 'why the fuck would someone cook for you, you've only had a baby!' type posts and the 'ugh so American' posts. I find them annoying.

If someone came at my door demanding I cook for them because they've had a baby I might do it, because it would be very rude to say no, but honestly, WTF?

Your HV's gone batty in the heat.

While a meal train is not appropriate in this situation - perhaps the HV was clumsily trying to stress to new parents that they can reach out for help.

I do find some of the comments on this thread very sad. "Having a baby isn't a disability cook for yourself'

Modern mums are left absolutely alone from fairly soon after birth in a way many other cultures would find totally bizarre. Traditionally humans would hae given birth into closely knit communities -

Is it any wonder breastfeeding rates are very low in the UK - breastfeeding really requires mum to devote huge amount of time to it, be really thinking of not much else in the first few weeks - yet mums are exhausted, up from day 2 walking around, going to parks, especialy when they have older children

Wouldn't it be a great thing if we as a community started to recgonise the support new mums need a bit more?

@SchrodingersImmigrant

a good example of when this kind of thing works is when a group of friends and/or neighbours get together and provide meals (on a rota) for a family who have just suffered a bereavement or an individual who is suffering significant illness.

Now that's logical and i think many of us have done it in our life but not in an organised fashion

Yes, it’s usually done in a more casual way. Friends, family or close neighbours talking to their loved ones and arranging for food to be provided during or after a difficult event.

It’s never asked for.

Lots of women batch cook and full the freezer before they give birth. I honestly never found eating an issue after I had a baby. I just used to eat toast

If I was a new neighbour I might buy a little something for the baby, like a pack of vests or bibs, but I wouldn’t under any circumstances cook for you unless your leg fell off or something equally dramatic.

I'd be worried about getting my dishes back if I gave something homemade, or returning them in pristine condition to the right person if I was to receive!

Batshit HV imo, with a project. They'd have been better to approach local community groups and see if anything like this was already running, and if you could be on the list. Much better way of introducing a new "incomer" with a baby into local life and helping them feel less isolated than telling you to go cap in hand to strangers!

I'd hate this. Food turning up from random people. I'd be wondering about their food hygiene (not helped by some posts on here), whether they let their cat walk on their worktop... yuck.

I'm not ashamed to say I did find it tough when I had DC2. I had PND , no family that lived close by and DH is self employed, and went back to working 12 hour days within a few days of baby being born. Unlike most MN who think everyone should just get on with it and looked after 7 children with no help, I did struggle. I was very grateful for people at church bringing meals.

In your case your church recognised you as a person in need. PND is an illness.
A person with 7 children, working F/T and PND is obviously in a difficult situation.

I wouldn't do this if someone came knocking at my door and asked me to because they had a baby, you still have the ability to reheat meals and you can ensure you have ready meals in the fridge/freezer. You don't need people to cook for you because you had a child.

This is not just about "British". Many non Brits myself included raise the eyebrows at having to cook for random neighbours you aren't friend with

The point was (as a child in the UK) that it wasn't random people. Within a street, village, church, working club community people were already connected. From observation US meal trains function in the same way.

In both cases though its the women in the group doing the organising and the actual work.

Fuck no. What an awful idea. Why does having a baby make you ‘in need’?

And surely, the couple on question couldn’t organise it for themselves and demand free food from their neighbours?

I hope Meal Trains don’t catch on over here like bloody awful baby showers have.

I wouldn't ask but my neighbours each cooked a meal for the first week when I had my last baby. We were fed for a full week and it was the nicest thing ever. Some also brought wine or pudding. We now live in another country and I miss those neighbours SO much! We knew each other well though and I'd hosted parties, seen them socially and lent them garden equipment etc for years.

I think KihoBebiluPute is right. We have longer paid maternity leave + paternity leave in the UK. There is no need for meal trains.

That said, I have given Cook vouchers to new parents and they have been very welcome.

In your case your church recognised you as a person in need. PND is an illness.
A person with 7 children, working F/T and PND is obviously in a difficult situation.

No the church cooked for me because I'd had a baby (they didnt know i had PND) and because it's a nice thing to do
And I meant that the superior MN can look after 7 children without help.(i only have 2 )

@Wondergirl100

While a meal train is not appropriate in this situation - perhaps the HV was clumsily trying to stress to new parents that they can reach out for help.

I do find some of the comments on this thread very sad. "Having a baby isn't a disability cook for yourself'

Modern mums are left absolutely alone from fairly soon after birth in a way many other cultures would find totally bizarre. Traditionally humans would hae given birth into closely knit communities -

Is it any wonder breastfeeding rates are very low in the UK - breastfeeding really requires mum to devote huge amount of time to it, be really thinking of not much else in the first few weeks - yet mums are exhausted, up from day 2 walking around, going to parks, especialy when they have older children

Wouldn't it be a great thing if we as a community started to recgonise the support new mums need a bit more?

The thing is that compared to the days gone by thwre are less housewifes to have time to do this, bigger freezers, and people are generally not making frienda with neogbours. There was a poster called werdo because she wanted to introduce herself to the neigbours with chocolate. I still hope she moves next to me. We also now have trillion food delivery options.

Goving borth just isn't surprise. There are months people know about it coming and can and should make preparations. Havinga spouse die or in a hospital is totally different matter and I am sure most of us did meals or shopping for someone in that situation. Even pre covid.

It's not just mums who is exhausted

I lived in abroad for a while and it was really common in the "expat community". It was normally done if someone had a baby, or they where unwell or some other big thing going on in their lives. It's a lovely thing to do. A