Baby Shower Drama

[LilMum23]

I found out by accident that a close friend is throwing me a surprise baby shower at the weekend.
It is a really sweet gesture, I am touched, but I'm really anxious regarding COVID19, it's not really what I want right now.

We are experiencing really high infection rates again and my doctor advised me not to get vaccinated yet due to the pregnancy and to treat myself as high risk, so I've been really careful and self isolated since start of third trimester.

I've got no doubt there will be children attending the party - who I adore - but they have been mixing at school.
I don't have the greatest faith in the 30min lateral tests.
I really don't want to put myself and my baby in risk for a bit of cake and a gathering despite the sweet intentions, I also hate letting people down too who have it seems put in a lot of effort on my behalf. Also it's supposed to be a big surprise so I'm not sure how to approach this.

I feel stuck. It's stressing me out.
What would you do????

Be honest with your friend. Tell her you know and how you feel about it. Only someone completely unempathetic would object. Make sure you do it now so that stuff isn't purchased.

Just be honest.

Also why is your GP telling you not to get the vaccine??

Quickly book yourself onto a day long (online) creative writing/coding/millefeuille baking class on the day and feign ignorance?

I would feel the same as you in your position. It’s a lovely idea and their hearts are in the right place but I wouldn’t be expecting a pregnant women to participate in that. It’s not worth the risk.

Spontaneously book a last minute weekend getaway. Tell everyone you're going. Or mention how tacky you think baby showers are. Neither of these has to be true.

Be honest but do be aware you may not get another celebration for you and your baby if you expected one at a later date (wouldn’t bother me but you know the threads “ I had a baby 4 weeks ago and no one has come to see me”)

Tell her you know & be honest, suggest rethinking for some point in the future when you’ve had the baby.

If she’s a good friend she’ll understand.

Ooh no. I didn’t want one long before covid and would have been really annoyed if someone tried to spring one on me and wouldn’t have gone. I’m not anti baby shower but I definitely wasn’t up for one.

Make it clear to one of the other people going that you’re extremely worried about covid and are limiting your social mixing for the foreseeable.

Or let her know you’ve found out and it’s too risky so you won’t be going, you’re sure she wouldn’t to go to any fuss that’ll be wasted.

Current medical advice is for pregnant women to have the vaccine so I’d be very concerned if I were you with your GP advising the opposite.

I’d be focusing more on why your GP is going against the official advice

Even if she has the vaccine, which is between her and her medical team, it won’t protect her enough to attend a baby shower she never wanted so not much point banging on about it.

Difficult situation- but on what grounds is your GP advising against vaccination??? I think I’d address that first, this is a big concern!!! What when you go into hospital to have your baby? Or, if there are complications and your in hospital for an extended stay? Covid is rife in the hospital!

Talk to her now to decline. Thank her for the thought.

Just say you've been pinged and you are isolating 🤷‍♀️

Your GP has given you really, really shit advice. Get the vaccine.

Long before covid my friend tried this on me, I found out and told her straight that I wouldn't be attending. I don't agree with baby showers and she knows that.

At the moment it's ludicrous to surprise someone with a party so just tell her.

Also, your doctor did what?!

Odd advice from the GP. Every pregnant woman I work with (I do the risk assessments) has been given the jab on GP and midwife advice. Also quite interesting but none have had usual side effects, but that's obviously anecdotal.

Ask v nice friend to postpone shower until the baby is here. Be a nice little welcome party instead.

@Pippa12

Difficult situation- but on what grounds is your GP advising against vaccination??? I think I’d address that first, this is a big concern!!! What when you go into hospital to have your baby? Or, if there are complications and your in hospital for an extended stay? Covid is rife in the hospital!

I'm not sure that'll help her anxiety...

I'd be honest with your friend. You are allowed your to manage your own risk threshold. It's your body, your pregnancy.

A vaccination now won't be of any use for the weekend.

I'd just be honest, presumably she's a good friend if she's going to the trouble of trying to organise it in the first place.

Agree with others tell her you know and won’t attend
I’m surprised she thought it a good idea considering what you’ve said

@AnneLovesGilbert

Even if she has the vaccine, which is between her and her medical team, it won’t protect her enough to attend a baby shower she never wanted so not much point banging on about it.

I disagree. I think the way the nhs has advised pregnant women on this is terrible. The US has been miles ahead. I think it’s important people on here alert pregnant women to the latest advice, especially if they appear to have been incorrectly advised.

What is the US advice?

@NakedAttraction she won't be protected by this weekend though. When the shower is due to be.

The vaccination is a different point entirely and not what she asked.

Sorry, I can’t believe you’re GP would have expressly told you NOT to have the vaccine.

*your