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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby Shower Drama

157 replies

LilMum23 · 19/07/2021 19:31

I found out by accident that a close friend is throwing me a surprise baby shower at the weekend.
It is a really sweet gesture, I am touched, but I'm really anxious regarding COVID19, it's not really what I want right now.

We are experiencing really high infection rates again and my doctor advised me not to get vaccinated yet due to the pregnancy and to treat myself as high risk, so I've been really careful and self isolated since start of third trimester.

I've got no doubt there will be children attending the party - who I adore - but they have been mixing at school.
I don't have the greatest faith in the 30min lateral tests.
I really don't want to put myself and my baby in risk for a bit of cake and a gathering despite the sweet intentions, I also hate letting people down too who have it seems put in a lot of effort on my behalf. Also it's supposed to be a big surprise so I'm not sure how to approach this.

I feel stuck. It's stressing me out.
What would you do????

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 20/07/2021 19:25

Derailing thread, but my friend’s midwife said not to get the vaccine, contrary to the advice my cousin was given by her gp.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 20/07/2021 19:46

Well medical professionals shouldn’t be telling patients expressly NOT to get it (unless there’s a valid health reason why not) whatever they personally think of it.

rosegoldivy · 20/07/2021 19:58

@kensington09

My midwife offered me the vaccine and when I wasn't sure and we discussed risks etc she advised as it can't be tested on pregnant women there isn't enough research for them to say it's completely safe so entirely each woman's choice, but she wouldn't if she was pregnant
This is exactly what my midwife said when I was 32 weeks pregnant with twins. I chose not to get it as I felt there wasn't enough research specifically done on pregnant woman. My midwife agreed and also said she wouldn't have got it of she was pregnant. I have since had my first jab after twins arrived.
PurpleDaisies · 20/07/2021 20:01

My midwife agreed and also said she wouldn't have got it of she was pregnant.

Derailing thread, but my friend’s midwife said not to get the vaccine, contrary to the advice my cousin was given by her gp.

Some of these midwives seriously need to consider whether they’re behaving in a professional way. It’s awful that women are being advised so poorly,

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 20/07/2021 20:11

It is entirely the OP's choice whether to have the vaccine while pregnant

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 20/07/2021 20:12

I know some midwives who are refusing the vaccine (conspiracy believers) so I can only imagine what they have been telling pregnant women.

PurpleDaisies · 20/07/2021 20:14

@BunnytheFriendlyDragon

It is entirely the OP's choice whether to have the vaccine while pregnant
Yes but that should be on the basis of sound medical advice.
Lostmyway86 · 20/07/2021 20:17

I'd say you're isolating as been in close contact to positive case!

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 20/07/2021 20:41

Yes but that should be on the basis of sound medical advice.

But the advice is unclear (at least in my experience) so it is difficult to know what to do. I have just had a baby and so earlier in my pregnancy it seemed the advice was not to have the vaccine then it change to you can have it. My consultant said it's low risk but of course that doesn't mean low risk. Midwives mostly don't advise but I also had a few "I can understand why you wouldn't when pregnant" type comments.

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 20/07/2021 20:44

Sorry meant to say low risk doesn't mean no risk.

Nohomemadecandles · 20/07/2021 20:44

*BunnytheFriendlyDragon

It is entirely the OP's choice whether to have the vaccine while pregnant

Yes but that should be on the basis of sound medical advice.*

Mumsnet isn't sound medical advice. It's a chat forum

ShitPoetryClub · 20/07/2021 21:24

What have you decided to do OP?
I personally think you'd be mad to put yourself at risk of covid. In my area it is the highest it has ever been and our local health Trust is back to issuing all staff with scrubs to work in.
Back at Easter 2020 my colleague contracted covid and lost her baby at 23 weeks.
It's just not worth the risk.

dazeydazey · 20/07/2021 21:42

ask to move it outdoors!

kensington09 · 21/07/2021 18:13

@misstrip82 After we spoke about it and I said if rather wait until the baby being born, due to there not being enough advice on how the vaccine will affect the unborn baby, she said that is what she would do too. She did influence me either way and say they would support whatever decision I made.

@rosegoldivy congratulations on your twins! I will be doing the same having the vaccine once the baby is here

Original poster
LilMum23 · 21/07/2021 22:23

I don't get offened easily, but that's a shitty shitty thing to say, especially to someone you don't know. That I'd put my unborn in danger through my own fear?
I'm actually very pro vaccine. I've had flu, whooping cough, other medication prescribed and gone with all Drs advice. It's my 1st pregnancy, I did have some complications in first trimester and everything around C19 is very unknown.
I got the letter for my C19 vaccine months ago, I went to book in and my GP practice said they wasn't vaccinating pregnant ladies but if I really wanted it I could have it. We worked out that second dose appointment would be my due date so after a phone appointment going through everything my GP said no.
I've been to my midwife appointments since and vaccine talk hasn't come up. I haven't researched the vaccine, I've trusted medical personnel and will continue to.
I've been self isolating since week 28 of my pregnancy I'm now week 36, I wasn't expecting to be thrown into a social situation.

OP posts:
Nohomemadecandles · 21/07/2021 22:31

You don't need to explain yourself, OP! People have been aggressive and rude and made assumptions. Vaccination gets people wound up.

What did you decide about the shower?

PurpleDaisies · 21/07/2021 22:39

The advice has been updated. Maybe they were going on the old guidance.

They were talking about pregnant women getting vaccinated on last night’s Newscast. Worth a listen. 12minutes or so in, the episode is called “It’s hot” on bbc sounds.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 21/07/2021 22:42

The advice has changed. I was turned away from a vaccine centre after being offered an appointment (had through my own research I decided I wanted it) at 15 weeks but at 20 weeks it all changed and they were encouraging pregnant women to have it. I’m now 32 weeks and will have second dose next week, and I’m really relieved as isolating for three months seems completely extreme to me.

surreygirl1987 · 21/07/2021 22:47

@LilMum23 I don't know what okst you're referring to exactly but I'm sorry someone suggested that. Like you, I'm very pro vaccine, BUT we can all see that we are talking about a vaccine about which very little research exists, especially about pregnancy, and the advice has changed a number of times!! People can be really aggressive.

I did the same when I was pregnant during early Covid days - simply isolated. Adnittedly the vaccine wasn't around then, but I'd probably have taken the same decision as you, due to lack of robust and longitudinal research. Some people always seem to think they know it all but I think it is sensible to be cautious and look at the actual research.

Anyway I'm sorry your thread got derailed. Hope all is good.

shas19 · 21/07/2021 22:48

Why anyone would inject themselves with sonething that they know nothing about the effect on pregnant women and unborn babies is probably why gp has said that.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 21/07/2021 22:50

@shas19 that’s really short sighted.

jj5175 · 21/07/2021 22:57

@shas19 because we don't know 'nothing' about it and we do know that according to a study of 90,000 pregnant women in the USA there were no ill affects from the vaccine.

What I do know is there's currently a Covid positive pregnant woman in our ICU, she's ventilated and it's looking very likely that her baby will be miscarried in the next couple of days. There's nothing we can do for baby. She is sadly unvaccinated. And even more sadly she isn't the first and won't be the last.

It's anecdotal but it's happening. She's the 3rd in my hospital. My sisters also a staff nurse at a different hospital in a major UK city, she's also seen multiple women in similar very sad circumstances.

Sometimes the benefits outweigh the risks.

NoCallerID · 21/07/2021 23:02

@LilMum23 I totally get it. I'm pregnant and decided against the vaccine. Thankfully I'm strong enough and don't get upset over comments like putting my unborn in danger. There's a reason professionals are against vaccinating children, so why inject a woman with a baby in her womb? Doesn't make sense. Never mind long term effects we have absolutely no knowledge over....
Stand your ground and tell the person you don't want a shower, being anxious for the rest of YOUR pregnancy is not worth it just to please someone else for a couple of hours. Or make up an excuse... but please don't put the worry on yourself because you don't want to go to a party you've not even been asked whether it was wanted or not. Personally I find any surprise parties or visits these days inappropriate, especially if a pregnant or vulnerable person is involved.

PurpleDaisies · 21/07/2021 23:05

There's a reason professionals are against vaccinating children, so why inject a woman with a baby in her womb?

The risk of catching covid to healthy children is less than the risk to them of the current vaccines. That’s why the JCVI didn’t recommend vaccinating children. For pregnant women, the risk of complications from catching covid to them and the baby are much higher. That’s why pregnant women are encouraged to get the vaccine.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 21/07/2021 23:09

LOADS of other countries are vaccinating children from 12+ and have been for some time.

I was told by my consultant (and from the research papers I read myself) that it’s not a ‘live’ vaccine- it doesn’t cross the placenta. But being ill from covid in my third trimester and putting my baby at risk that way was a much greater concern for me so I decided to be logical about the vaccine.

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