Baby Shower Drama

[LilMum23]

I found out by accident that a close friend is throwing me a surprise baby shower at the weekend.
It is a really sweet gesture, I am touched, but I'm really anxious regarding COVID19, it's not really what I want right now.

We are experiencing really high infection rates again and my doctor advised me not to get vaccinated yet due to the pregnancy and to treat myself as high risk, so I've been really careful and self isolated since start of third trimester.

I've got no doubt there will be children attending the party - who I adore - but they have been mixing at school.
I don't have the greatest faith in the 30min lateral tests.
I really don't want to put myself and my baby in risk for a bit of cake and a gathering despite the sweet intentions, I also hate letting people down too who have it seems put in a lot of effort on my behalf. Also it's supposed to be a big surprise so I'm not sure how to approach this.

I feel stuck. It's stressing me out.
What would you do????

I hate confrontation so I would take the cowards way out and say to a mutual friend 'I am so glad I haven't had a baby shower, it would make me so uncomfortable and I really wouldn't enjoy it' and hope the friend gets the message!

You need to be honest.
How did you end up finding up?
Work out from there how to say you don't want it.
Any other time this would have been amazing but I totally understand where your coming.

[quote Nohomemadecandles]@NakedAttraction she won't be protected by this weekend though. When the shower is due to be.

The vaccination is a different point entirely and not what she asked.[/quote]
Yes I realise that. But I think it’s important to let people know they have likely been misinformed, even if not the point of the thread.

@blinkthreetimes

I’d be focusing more on why your GP is going against the official advice

Same! 👀

@TSSDNCOP

What is the US advice?

They have been recommending for much longer that pregnant women have the vaccine. And said quite some time ago that it’s safe when breastfeeding. There has been a strong push to encourage pregnant women to take it which I haven’t seen huge evidence of here.

It’s too late for a vaccine to kick in before Saturday anyway so that’s a bit of a separate issue.

OP, there is only one play here and that’s honesty. It’s sweet she went to the effort to organise one for you but you won’t enjoy it if you aren’t comfortable. If you make up and excuse and she’s finds out she would be very offended.

Tell her you know and you’re really anxious about covid and avoiding gatherings (assuming that’s true and you aren’t at the pub every weekend, then it’s perfectly reasonable).

Depending on exactly what is planned, it could be converted a a zoom baby shower?

Do you have additional health issues? Otherwise bit weird that gp said dont get vaccinated

A real doctor said that?

It's really impossible to know how you should approach this without knowing how assertive you are as a general rule.

Option A - approach friend, tell her that you've accidentally found out and that while you are very very touched you need to ask her to postpone the shower.
Option B - make unbreakable plans to do something else.
Option C - lie and say you have been pinged by test and trace.

B & C won't make the issue go away as they'll just reschedule, of course.

And as a separate issue I agree with PP that you should re-evaluate your decision to decline the vaccine. I think you have been poorly advised.

Forget about the fact it's supposed to be a surprise. Either call or text your friend tonight and tell her you have heard she may be planning a gathering but unfortunately you are keeping to yourself for the next few weeks, as per your doctors advise. She can't argue with that. And at no point apologise!

While it may have been a nice idea to organise a surprise gathering pre covid, with rising cases nobody should be doing it now as, without asking, nobody knows if others are truly comfortable with meeting up in groups. At least if she'd asked you, you'd have had the chance to explain why it was never going to be something you were going to agree to. Don't feel one bit bad about it. You and the baby are priority.

I have a one month old (and double vaccinated before 36 weeks, dunno why your GP advised you against it...) And not a hope would I have gone to a baby shower. If it's not worth the risk for you, then don't do it. The month before my baby was born I isolated because I didn't want to risk infection to me or the baby, nor did I want to have to be separated from my husband while in hospital. Your baby and your health is more important than a bloody baby shower.

My SIL is pregnant and has been told not to have the vaccine yet, not all pregnant women can have the vaccine.

Really?

I’m having troubling believing that a doctor would have told you not to get vaccinated just because you’re pregnant. But regardless you’re not going to get fully vaccinated by the weekend and to avoid rocking the boat I’d probably just lie and say you were a close contact and are having to isolate.

With regards to your baby shower just be honest with your friend. Better to raise it earlier in the week than last minute and if she is a good friend she will understand.

I would also be questioning why your gp is going against RCOG guidelines (provided there is no underlying reason you can’t have the vaccine) as they recommend pregnant women to get the vaccine. This isn’t about his / her opinions and is not ok tbh.
www.rcog.org.uk/en/guidelines-research-services/coronavirus-covid-19-pregnancy-and-womens-health/covid-19-vaccines-and-pregnancy/covid-19-vaccines-pregnancy-and-breastfeeding

Thinking on this further, you’re very anxious OP, (and I say this really, really gently) are you pretending the GP said you’re not to have the vaccine because you’re too frightened to have it? Because I can’t imagine a GP going against the guidelines now.

Agree on vaccination, pregnant women can get vaccinated. It’s just difficult to get ethics approval for specifically testing anything on pregnant women but at this point loads of people have turned out to be pregnant (as was always expected) when vaccinated so enough data exists to confirm it IS safe and highly recommended for pregnant women to be vaccinated.

Please get vaccinated ASAP whatever you decide about the shower. If you get vaccinated now your baby will get antibodies from you and be protected for a while after birth at least.

It’s clearly stated here that vaccination is recommended in pregnancy. This is from the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists

COVID-19 vaccines are recommended in pregnancy. Vaccination is the best way to protect against the known risks of COVID-19 in pregnancy for both women and babies, including admission of the woman to intensive care and premature birth of the baby.

www.rcog.org.uk/en/guidelines-research-services/coronavirus-covid-19-pregnancy-and-womens-health/covid-19-vaccines-and-pregnancy/covid-19-vaccines-pregnancy-and-breastfeeding/

I think you've been pinged, no? If you can't front up to your friend, then this is a legit reason!

I think you need to ask for some support OP with your health anxiety.

@TSSDNCOP

What is the US advice?

The CDC recommends getting the vaccine.

www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/vaccines/recommendations/pregnancy.html

@User7312019

Current medical advice is for pregnant women to have the vaccine so I’d be very concerned if I were you with your GP advising the opposite.

That’s not the current advice in Scotland

I would ask if it could be held outside and everyone do lateral flow tests first and social distance. I think you will be fine if you're comfortable with that.

Shocked that your GP is telling you not to get the vaccine. When I went for my 20 week scan there are signs absolutely everywhere explaining the dangers of COVID and encouraging people to get the vaccine. I think you've got to be honest with your friend

@spinningspaniels, I don't know if you intended that to sound patronising amf condescending but that's how your comment came across. The OP has every reason to feel worried about being pregnant in a pandemic, heavily pregnant women are at higher risk and you have no idea what her journey to pregnancy and through pregnancy has been so I think it's unkind to dismiss her concerns as health anxiety.