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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby Shower Drama

157 replies

LilMum23 · 19/07/2021 19:31

I found out by accident that a close friend is throwing me a surprise baby shower at the weekend.
It is a really sweet gesture, I am touched, but I'm really anxious regarding COVID19, it's not really what I want right now.

We are experiencing really high infection rates again and my doctor advised me not to get vaccinated yet due to the pregnancy and to treat myself as high risk, so I've been really careful and self isolated since start of third trimester.

I've got no doubt there will be children attending the party - who I adore - but they have been mixing at school.
I don't have the greatest faith in the 30min lateral tests.
I really don't want to put myself and my baby in risk for a bit of cake and a gathering despite the sweet intentions, I also hate letting people down too who have it seems put in a lot of effort on my behalf. Also it's supposed to be a big surprise so I'm not sure how to approach this.

I feel stuck. It's stressing me out.
What would you do????

OP posts:
VioletCharlotte · 19/07/2021 21:06

I would say exactly what you said in your OP. That you're very touched and grateful, but your anxious about COVID and it's just not what you want right now. I'm sure she'll understand.

surreygirl1987 · 19/07/2021 21:08

@spinningspaniels seriously? Why do you think the OP has health anxiety? Because she doesn't want close contact with a whole load of people during a global pandemic with rising cases of Covid? I'm not pregnant, and I have been vaccinated (one so far) and I still wouldn't want to go with cases as they are at the moment.

As an entirely separate issue, I do agree it is worth looking into the vaccine for pregnant women and getting into the actual research. I have pregnant friends who were also unsure and who received mixed advice.

And I think the 'I've been pinged' excuse is good if you don't want to deal with being honest about it... but it might backfire as they might just postpone. I'd probably be honest. Anyone sensible would surely be understanding. I'm a teacher, and cases are insane right now in my school - I wouldn't blame anyone for not wanting to mix with lots of people at close quarters unnecessarily!

Wanttocry · 19/07/2021 21:09

I agree with what PPs are saying about the vaccine and what your GP has said. Unless you have other conditions, the GP shouldn’t have advised against it.

But regarding the baby shower, does your friend know that you’re isolating? If you don’t want to let her know you know about the shower, can you talk to her about the isolating, to put her off the baby shower idea? Mention how frustrating it is to isolate but how you feel it’s really important (which I assume is the truth anyway, but your friend clearly either doesn’t know you’re isolating, or doesn’t understand the importance you’re placing on it).

lannistunut · 19/07/2021 21:10

If I was you I would be honest with your friend.

In these situations I think 'how would I react if the situation was reversed' - and I hope that others will be kind to me.

Even if I was double vaccinated I am not sure I would be doing gatherings indoors whilst pregnant personally. But I do agree with others here saying you may want to get a second opinion about the vaccine.

surreygirl1987 · 19/07/2021 21:10

@higgeldypiggeldy35 I couldn't agree more. And not even just because she's pregnant actually; anyone being concerned about attending a party during a global pandemic when cases are rising is surely not unreasonable!

CreamPantsuit · 19/07/2021 21:14

@Drivingmeupthewall

Thinking on this further, you’re very anxious OP, (and I say this really, really gently) are you pretending the GP said you’re not to have the vaccine because you’re too frightened to have it? Because I can’t imagine a GP going against the guidelines now.
This is seriously patronising.
onceivepostedidontcomeback · 19/07/2021 21:16

Was this exact post not done last year?

mindutopia · 19/07/2021 21:17

It's fine to say you aren't comfortable with meeting up with a large group of people. I am not at all pregnant and fully vaccinated, and I'm considering giving a family party a wide swerve in a few weeks. It's just not worth being infected when I need to work and we have holidays (self-catering, in the UK, planned to not have to have much contact with other people, in a couple weeks).

As for vaccination, my pregnant friends have all been advised to make sure they got vaccinated before they went into hospital. I would take guidance from your midwife (GPs are not experts on pregnancy) and the RCOG.

Queenoftheashes · 19/07/2021 21:18

How did you find out and by what means are they luring you to this event? This could help with the excuse.

RandomMess · 19/07/2021 21:19

Ask her to host it and you face time in?

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/07/2021 21:21

Whatever the official advice it’s bollocks that all GPs are advising all pregnant women to get the vaccine.

My friend who’s very worried about covid and in her second trimester was keen to have it but both her midwife and her GP were unwilling to say she should and it was her IVF consultant who told her to go for it in the end and she did. This was a couple of weeks ago. She doesn’t have health anxiety either Hmm she’s having much longed for baby after a hell of a time getting there and was desperate to do the right thing by herself and her baby. If she’d relied on her GP she wouldn’t have had it yet.

CurbsideProphet · 19/07/2021 21:24

Being double vaccinated is not a magic shield against covid. We have friends who are double vaccinated but have contracted covid in their public facing roles and have been quite poorly. So that's by the by.

Your friend was a bit silly to arrange a big surprise gathering when they surely know you have not been going out and have been advised to avoid crowded places etc. It's definitely not rude or ungrateful to politely remind them of this.

FilthyforFirth · 19/07/2021 21:26

I feel like this is a potential anti vax thread dressed up in baby shower drama... I dont believe any GP is telling people not to get vaccinated.

GintyMcGinty · 19/07/2021 21:27

I'd be raising a complaint with your GP for giving you the wrong advice and requiring you to self isolate for months when it is completely unnecessary.

bellie710 · 19/07/2021 21:31

I love all the "experts" on pregnant women having the vaccine,

pregnant women from black, Asian and minority ethnic (BAME) backgrounds
women over the age of 35
women who are overweight or obese
women who have pre-existing medical problems, such as high blood pressure and diabetes.

They are all at risk and some are being advised against the vaccine.

The OP may well fall into any of these categories, maybe something else but her issue is the baby shower not everyone judging her for not having the vaccine!

SmidgenofaPigeon · 19/07/2021 21:32

Yeah, it’s very interesting, the way this thread has been put forward. Possibly anti-vaccine dressed up in sheep’s clothing.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 19/07/2021 21:33

@bellie710 I’m in my third trimester and I’m 35- how does that make me ‘at risk’ exactly?

Elletine · 19/07/2021 21:34

My GP has told me not to get the vaccine until I’ve had my baby, but I have underlying conditions… be honest with your friend OP Flowers

bellie710 · 19/07/2021 21:36

No idea but my SIL is over 35 and has been advised against it by her GP, it is also on the NHS website so there must be something in it!

HalloHello · 19/07/2021 21:40

@HowManyToes
It definitely is the advice in Scotland and has been for months now.

HalloHello · 19/07/2021 21:45

Surely all those in your categories @bellie710 are the at risk groups that should be getting vaccinated? Pregnant woman not in those categories are being called at the same time as others of their age group

myrtleWilson · 19/07/2021 21:45

bellie where on the NHS website does it say that? On the pregnancy page it says about which vaccine is better for pregnant women

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/07/2021 21:52

Baby showers are usually adults. No children

Agree get another opinion. What did your midwife say

In the beginning they said no to preg woman or bf

But info and advice has changed

But in the end if you aren’t happy with the plans you need to tell friend ASAP

AdriannaP · 19/07/2021 21:54

You need to get a vaccine OP! Your Gp is an idiot.
Read the NHS advice for pregnant women.

MrsMiddleMother · 19/07/2021 21:56

Everyone else is more honest than me, it's a surprise shower so pretend you don't know and just change your plans! Don't go and if she tells you, say oh sorry I've changed plans but wouldn't have been comfortable with that anyway.

Also OP asked for advice on the baby shower dilemma, NOT the vaccine.