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AIBU?

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Original poster

Secret friend

181 replies

Faa27 · 18/07/2021 18:08

How would you feel
If you found out (after a year) that your husband has a friend who you never heard about, he chats to everyday and meets regularly. Just a friend nothing else.

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 18/07/2021 19:22

Definitely lying by omission. I have male friends on FB, who I chat to occasionally. DH knows about them. And I hope vice versa. He definitely doesn't run too fat.

EspressoDoubleShot · 18/07/2021 19:22

I’d wonder what his motives are for the secrecy.it’s actually very contrived to purposefully not mention someone at all. As in to never slip up and say I’m off to gym with FemaleFriendName. Unless you’re ferociously jealous and there is a back story

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 18/07/2021 19:22

@ImitationofBeing

Has he kept it quiet because you have a known jealous streak?
Oh, please. Always one isn't there?
Sonarl · 18/07/2021 19:24

@Faa27

Lol and toddler (and he goes running at 9 pm or 10 pm
Even in winter? that's a strange time to go running imo. How long is he normally out for? Does he take a bag or belt bag (for money, condoms)?

I'd be well suspicious of this and would no say anything but would scrutinize very closely for the next few days - but I am a naturally suspicious person so don't read too much into that. I think it would be really easy to track him via his phone.

Sonarl · 18/07/2021 19:25

Or fitness watch

RealBecca · 18/07/2021 19:29

He goes running at 9 or 10pm because he knows you cant bump into him.

Secretsout · 18/07/2021 19:31

My EXH had a number of 'friends' that were 'exclusive of the marriage' (my Solicitors wording) Yes, they were OW.

Standrewsschool · 18/07/2021 19:32

Definitely suspicious that he hasn’t’t mentioned a running partner.

Standrewsschool · 18/07/2021 19:32

@over2021

I'd confront him but lie and say a friend saw him running with a partner rather than showing your hand that you've seen his phone.
That’s a good idea. See how he reacts.
TSSDNCOP · 18/07/2021 19:32

Blimey @Sonarl I hadn't even considered an equipment belt!

I do have friends (we have other interests obviously, as in this they are clearly barking) that run v late or v early, that in itself wouldn't seem odd.

Window1 · 18/07/2021 19:33

Sounds strange and it would make me suspicious.

Are you?

Lilyargin · 18/07/2021 19:34

Well, it’s not open behaviour. Why not?

FlaminEckVera · 18/07/2021 19:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

QueenBee52 · 18/07/2021 19:36

@Faa27

Lol and toddler (and he goes running at 9 pm or 10 pm
are you serious ?

He's AT IT...

Wafflethefuckinwonderdog · 18/07/2021 19:41

Is this every day?

Original poster
Faa27 · 18/07/2021 19:41

Thanks for your honesty

OP posts:
SarahBellam · 18/07/2021 19:44

That’s weird. I have a good male friend I meet up with every month or two for lunch or a coffee but it wouldn’t cross my mind to not mention it to DP in general chit chat about my day at the dinner table;

‘Anything exciting happen, honey?’
‘I had a coffee with Phil. His cat has developed epilepsy and he has to give it tablets every day now.’

Or something like:

‘I’m meeting Phil for lunch in town. Do you want me to pick you up some new socks on M&S while I’m there?’

Just mundane stuff like that. My DP has met Phil a number of times and has zero problem with the friendship.

What did the texts say?

wjg65ka · 18/07/2021 19:46

I wouldn't be happy. I don't see why it had to be a secret

Original poster
Faa27 · 18/07/2021 19:47

The texts are friendly, lots of general things. Looks like they are close friends. He shares lots of pictures of our kids, talks a lot about them

OP posts:
LtDansleg · 18/07/2021 19:48

@over2021

I'd confront him but lie and say a friend saw him running with a partner rather than showing your hand that you've seen his phone.
That’s a good idea, his response will tell you a lot. If he thinks he’s only been seen the once then if there’s anything going on then he’ll presumably lie and just say it was a one off. If he’s got no reason to lie then he’ll tell you the truth
TheOpen · 18/07/2021 19:49

I'd be intrigued to follow.... some ideas:
if both DC are asleep could a friend pop over to babysit and you zoom out in the car/on foot? Or could a good friend of yours also go for a run to follow him - someone your DH doesn't know.

What happens if you phone him part way through his run? Would he answer? Just call bc you need some milk picking up etc.

Original poster
Faa27 · 18/07/2021 19:50

He won’t answer

OP posts:
KirstenBlest · 18/07/2021 19:55

Where does he know her from?

Harvey3 · 18/07/2021 20:02

Can you not follow his activities on strava?

CrystalBollocks · 18/07/2021 20:05

OP, I am not going to assume that they are "at it". However, I had a secret friendship once upon a time. It actually started out as a very bog-standard colleague relationship (which I didn't hide from XH, because there was nothing to hide - it was just very boring work stuff), but it became a secret friendship. That was the point at which it became an EA.