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Can you be a good person if you pay for sex? [Content warning: descriptions of sexual abuse]

582 replies

Lave · 18/07/2021 14:15

Do you think there's a grey area or are all men who pay for sex abusive?

OP posts:
Lave · 20/07/2021 10:17

@SourAppleChew

It's not as simple as 'good' or 'bad'.

An entrepreneur might occasionally sleep with escorts but donate hundreds of thousands to charity via a business fund.

Another person might never sleep with escorts but also do nothing whatsoever to help anbody in need.

The first person has questionable morals but has helped more people than he's hurt in balance.

But somebody not helping people in need isn't harming them, not least if they didn't cause the negative circumstances that require the need for help in the first place.

The entrepreneur in your example may be helping people in one way but he's still harming other people in another.

OP posts:
Lave · 20/07/2021 10:28

Yes you can be a good person who needs sex

As PP's said, nobody needs sex. The desire to climax can be fulfilled independently, to put it politely.

Its best not to judge

I judge the men who buy sex, because each one that bought my services took with them a piece of my soul.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/07/2021 10:46

@KarmaStar

There are women who enjoy their profession and price themselves on their abilities,and why shouldn't they? Yes you can be a good person who needs sex and for a reason,cannot access sex on a ' normal ' basis,i.e. Disabled people,those who are single,people who don't want it can't get a relationship and more. If both parties are happy,let them enjoy themselves. Obviously,sex trafficking,pimp workers etc are not included in the above. Best not to judge.🌈
Obviously,sex trafficking,pimp workers etc are not included in the above. That's the point though - a punter can't possibly know if those things are a factor in the case of a prostitute he pays to have sex with. But he's willing to run the risk she is abused, coerced or trafficked in order to have sex on demand. He cannot possibly know 100% she is independent and has absolute choice in what she is doing. A decent man wouldn't take that risk
youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/07/2021 10:47

@KarmaStar

There are women who enjoy their profession and price themselves on their abilities,and why shouldn't they? Yes you can be a good person who needs sex and for a reason,cannot access sex on a ' normal ' basis,i.e. Disabled people,those who are single,people who don't want it can't get a relationship and more. If both parties are happy,let them enjoy themselves. Obviously,sex trafficking,pimp workers etc are not included in the above. Best not to judge.🌈
Oh and this thread has revealed a shocking attitude towards disabled people by various posters. They can't get sex the 'normal' way? Jesus wept how ableist.
SocialAffairsAndWoodlandFolk · 20/07/2021 10:51

@BrumCahoots

I'm not judging people .. but in all honesty .. would any of you be happy if your daughter, sister, mother etc chose this job .. would you be perfectly ok with that decision and think oh well . They are enjoying work .. ? And would you think the men paying them were good people ?
This is something that is so often asked, yet so rarely answered, in these discussions. Let's face it, I'm not sure many people would take it brilliantly if their 18 year old daughter announced that they would, from now on, be having sex with strangers for money. Who, on hearing that, would assume that their daughter was making a free, well informed decision?
youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/07/2021 10:56

I would be interested in the answer to the 'would you be happy if your daughter decided to be a prostitute' question as I've never seen it answered by anyone who claims they see no issue with prostitution in principle.

BrumCahoots · 20/07/2021 11:05

Not one answer ... I would be unhappy .. I'd be up at night fearing for her physical and mental health.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/07/2021 11:20

@KarmaStar @Thisisworsethananticpated @UpstreamSwimmer

How would you feel if you had a daughter who decided, of her own free will, to be a prostitute?

Would you genuinely be comfortable with it? As you've said that prostitution isn't in principle an issue if both parties are genuinely fully consenting.

Which a man can never truly know when he visits a prostitute, but for arguments sake let's say we knew 100% your daughter was happy to be a prostitute. Can you honestly say you would be supportive of her choice?

Maireas · 20/07/2021 12:32

@KarmaStar - please read the whole thread. Some of us have responded to the whole "disabled" issue, as some previous posters have claimed it's ok

Wearywithteens · 20/07/2021 12:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Lave · 20/07/2021 13:36

Nobody ‘needs’ sex. If they did they would go to A&E rather than sticking it into poor exploited women.

Absolutely, or cheating on their pregnant/postpartum/exhausted wives.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/07/2021 13:38

Interestingly still no takers from those ok with prostitution in principle re whether they would genuinely be happy for their daughter to be a prostitute even if she was doing so willingly?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 20/07/2021 13:49

It’s a fair comment

But it’s on a par with asking meat eaters to work in an abbatoir . Would they willingly stun and skin the cows ? No they wouldn’t

There are many things that exist that I’m morally ambiguous about
But they still exist

NiceGerbil · 20/07/2021 13:51

I see some friends have turned up.

These justifications - terrible analogies, sex is a need, the women who love their work who are s tiny minority etc) for paying to fuck someone are old.

Anything new to bring?

This description of a simple transaction for s service no different to a massage. Disability...

In Haiti aid workers were local hiring women to 'party' with in the midst of a humanitarian disaster.

The charity involved said they were helping by giving these women the chance to earn money.

Some posters argue this makes it fine. A simple transaction.

Others saw it as gross exploitation.

These two views will never meet in the middle.

As someone said if someone is hungry put food in their mouth, not your cock.

Too many men think the latter is s generous act so that she can buy food for herself and anyone she has responsibility for. Her children for example.

I understand why they think that but no. It is exploitation.

wallpapering · 20/07/2021 13:58

Lemonrose,

I got desperate that I done that selling my old skanky shoes & some old stockings - I was naive at 1st engaging in pm’s as thought they was going to buy until realised they was just getting off on chat over old shoes etc some of the requests I got asking for other things, I got freaked out closed my account when someone found out my home address and said they be round at 9pm to collect items as only lived 20mins away.

It wasnt me being careless it was these
sick bastards will go to any lengths because way men view women.

As for pp who compared sex same as cleaning etc Is up there on absurd & ridiculous comment list

youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/07/2021 14:01

@Thisisworsethananticpated

It’s a fair comment

But it’s on a par with asking meat eaters to work in an abbatoir . Would they willingly stun and skin the cows ? No they wouldn’t

There are many things that exist that I’m morally ambiguous about
But they still exist

It's one person removed though, which is always interesting as it means the principle is more robustly tested rather than the individual's choice.

Someone could say no I wouldn't work in an abbatoir but I do eat meat. But would they say they'd feel ok if their daughter worked in an abbatoir? Probably. Prostitution? Not so much, I would wager.

Why? Because inherently it's something they feel is damaging. But seemingly sometimes only if it's their loved one doing it.

NiceGerbil · 20/07/2021 14:08

Why is it always nail bars???!

Paying for sex is the same as getting your nails done...

Men pay for sex
Women pay to get their nails pretty

According to about 4 posters loads of women pay for sex (!) One said 20% of punters were women (!!!!).

So why not compare it to the enormous number of women for whom sex is a 'need'? So they pay to sexually explicit other women.

Leaving aside the facts that
Women are rarely sexually violent
Women can't get anyone pregnant
Women are not the group that causes the vast vast majority of violence and sexual violence anywhere you care to look
And
The fact that it's just nonsense anyway

Why not make that comparison?
Rather than getting nails done and getting massages all over the place?

Because the people making the comparison are very sexist maybe?

Megasausagehead · 20/07/2021 14:14

Yes some of the new pro punter posts are quite ignorant and perhaps naive.

Part of the coping mechanism for repeated sexual abuse, is to mentally convince yourself that you have chosen this. Sometimes, this protective delusion is the only thing that keeps you alive, in the face of constantly having your body entered by men who you do not freely choose to have sex with.

It enables some to feel empowered for a while. But it isn't real empowerment, it isn't any more powerful than a DV victim choosing to stay in an abusive relationship.

Why is it different to other work? What an entitled, deliberately obtuse argument. Why are rape and murder the only crimes in the UK to which the limitations act do not apply? I will tell you. Rape, being not freely consensual sex, such as prostitutes suffer, is like being murdered, only not physically.

Every shitty vile sex act that you have undertaken with someone who you would prefer not to, makes you feel even more worthless. Bits of you die inside, like:
Belief in humanity.
Control of circumstances.
Trust.
Self worth.
Ability to keep safe.
Sanity.

If you have ever been raped or known someone who has, you should know the devastating consequences to an individual. Many times I would have preferred to have been dead and indeed inside I was. To cope.

The fact is, if these women had the choice to have the money and not do the deed with random strangers, they wouldn't do the sex act at all. They are doing it solely for the money, seeing few other options in life. Perhaps being trapped. That is NOT true consent.

So personally I do not feel negatively at all about prostitutes themselves, I am lucky not to be there. But I will despise any man who thinks putting his cock in someone for money, when looking in their eyes, they know it isn't wanted, as a rapist piece of shit.

It isnt work. It is abuse fir personal pleasure.

BrozTito · 20/07/2021 14:36

MN had an invasion of punters netters a while ago so they'll be watching this thread.

BrozTito · 20/07/2021 14:38

Did you read what else i said in regards to 20%, Gerbil?

rishisboater · 20/07/2021 14:45

20% of punters are women????? No.

I have an extremely good looking male friend who is signed up as a male escort on adultwork and several of the well known sex work sites. in 2.5 years he's had 4 customers.

BrozTito · 20/07/2021 14:53

Not what I said rtft or dont bother

NiceGerbil · 20/07/2021 14:56

My point stands.

Nail bars
V.
Paying women to fuck

Seems fair.

I have no doubt that around the world under 18s work in nail bars etc. 16yo etc. I used to work at 16. Most wouldn't see that as a problem.

Therefore paying 16yo for sex is no problem.

I would imagine that around the world younger children do it. Paper rounds from about 13 was normal when I was young.

And child actors many start as little kids.

Work is work right? No difference.

Loads of men would be v happy if it worked like that. In reality for plenty of children it does of course.

NiceGerbil · 20/07/2021 14:57

I have I've been on it for days.

Others said women do it loads.

Point stands.

Why is that not the comparison. Why always nail bars.

rishisboater · 20/07/2021 15:05

@BrozTito

Not what I said rtft or dont bother
Is that not what you meant by "users"
Swipe left for the next trending thread