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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Where are kids supposed to play?

338 replies

lazylump72 · 18/07/2021 08:05

Hi
I am having a bit of a barny with my DH and well quite frankly he is trying to be thoughtful of the neighbours etc and he does work 12 he shifts but
whilst I do think he has a point and I might be being a bit unreasonable
I don't know how to approach this so thought I would see from the wise mumsnetters where you stand on this,All suggestions will be helpful!
So it's the start of the school holidays,beautiful weather,garden full of toys and pool out,happy days!This is the first year our DD 9 yes has has friends on our estate and it's wonderful.Thereis a little group of 5 and they get on amazingly and play really well,They have been round our house in the garden playing for a week,They are safe and enclosed and well a bit demanding and noisy.I get this,I do I have to sit and listen to it but they are having such a Fab time safely and under supervision I have no issues except I will try to shut them up when it gets too loud! Now I am the one listening to it all day not DH he is at work but he gets home and the garden is full of kids and he doesn;t want it, I am trying to find a balance here but what do I do? There is nowhere else for the kids to play,I don't want them out on the road it's not safe,I don't mind them here really.Its not ideal for the neighbours either but it's summer,.Am I being the neighbours from hell? Where do your kids and their friends play? Given there ages of 8 and 9 years Ithought I was doing the right thing...am I? Do people expect quiet between 11 and 7 ish? I know it's a pain hearing kids for a lot of people but where do you all stand on this?

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 18/07/2021 10:20

The other parents are taking you for a mug I’m afraid. Is your garden more child-friendly, with paddling pool etc.?

I don’t think it’d hurt to say now and then, ‘I think it’s time you all went and played in someone else’s garden - Daddy would like a bit of P and Q sometimes.’

Though having said that, unless they’re doing that appalling high-pitched screaming (enough to make anyone murderous IMO, and def. shouldn’t be happening with kids of 9 ish) it doesn’t sound too bad. . If they are, it needs to be banned PDQ - anyone who screams goes straight home.

megletthesecond · 18/07/2021 10:20

I wasn't drinking cocktails when mine were out in neighbours gardens. I was always trying to tidy up before mine got back and trashed the place again.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 18/07/2021 10:21

@warmfluffytowels

If you live in a residential street, the kids playing outside or in your garden will make zero difference. As a parent your husband needs to put the needs of his child and happiness first.

Of course it makes a difference - if they're playing in the street, you don't have to pay for their food, drink and ice cream for the entire summer.

Agree. And there needs to be a balance surely? To just put the child's needs and happiness first every time is not necessarily a healthy attitude
tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 18/07/2021 10:22

@mm8989

I host like you OP, but a more toned down version. Once or twice a week for a group of 4 and a single friend twice a week at most. (school holidays) I make sure they leave before five. your husband doesn't deserve to come home to it (especially as he has stated he doesn't like it)

But as the poster above said there's lots fun had in our garden and the children will always remember that. Plus I have lots of happy memories.

As children we played out on the street, we can't do that here, so I host. Just get some boundaries in.

This sounds like an excellent balance Wink
StapMe · 18/07/2021 10:28

Screechy and screamy kids in the neighbours' gardens do my head in anyway, let alone when a person has to work from home. Kids can - and should be - taught to play reasonably quietly, ask any night shift worker! And these days, any home worker too. What happened to good old fashioned consideration for other folk?

RaraRachael · 18/07/2021 10:35

This used to happen to us all the time as we had the biggest garden in the street. The kids didn't wait to be invited - they just turned up every day until I'd had enough. None of the other parents took a turn as they probably saw me as the free childminder (teacher, so I'd all the time in the world and obviously had nothing better to do). Eventually I said that they couldn't come any more unless their parents took a turn - they all just played in their own gardens after that and I got peace Grin

Daenerys77 · 18/07/2021 10:38

If you want to run a free holiday club/child care service, it's a matter for you-though I think you are being exploited. If the kids are too noisy tell them to STFU and if they don't, eject them from your garden.

areyouadogperson · 18/07/2021 10:41

I always have an open house for my kids friends and would likely feed them lunch too. That’s not all day every day. You need to send them home. I’d likely be ok with an extra sandwich but I’d certainly be sending them home half 4/5 to their own properties. You are unpaid childcare. No wonder the other parents aren’t chipping in to take a turn.

You are being taken for a mug.

When do you want mine for the day tomorrow 😂

5lilducks · 18/07/2021 10:43

Lots of great advice on here OP and I've not got anything to add but just wanted to say you sound lovely Flowers

NooNotJohnAmaechi · 18/07/2021 10:45

This would absolutely drive me mad. I don't mind a quiet hum of noise but relentless screeching and squealing gets my back up. And some of these stories about what are essentially 'party houses' and playing up and down the street I'd bet not all neighbours were so enthusiastic for those antics.

FlyingBattie · 18/07/2021 10:47

If you are happy to have them round, the easy solution would be they are gone before your husband gets back, surely?

Whoopsmahoot · 18/07/2021 10:49

I see both sides- it’s brill to hear the kids having a great time laughing and carrying on. I also was in this position but came to realise that the other parents were taking the piss too - why should they have hassle if some other parent is willing to do their baby sitting and feeding their kids? Also the WFH for neighbors would b an issue for them. Encourage the use of parks and def have a phone. Keep having them but don’t let other parents take advantage.

Bythehairywartsonmywitchychin · 18/07/2021 10:51

Your DD’s friends are taking advantage of your kind nature and free childcare. You need to set some boundaries as other posters have mentioned.

I’d send them home at every meal and snack time. I’d also perhaps let your DD go call on the nearest child after every meal and snack time, or let her meet them somewhere neutral so they aren’t all coming back to your house. This might break the habit of them always being at your house.

Howshouldibehave · 18/07/2021 10:52

If he gets in at 7.30 and the garden is still full of kids, what time are they actually leaving? Do their parents come and get them?

Did you answer the question about whether you had their contact details in case their was an accident or emergency in your pool, @lazylump72? Apologies if you did and I’ve missed it.

Bythehairywartsonmywitchychin · 18/07/2021 10:54

I’m also team DH. I have worked long shifts, they are exhausting. The last thing I’d want after a long day would be a load of other people’s kids at my house.

ivykaty44 · 18/07/2021 10:55

full of kids and he doesn;t want it

your dh needs to realise he is part of a family and lives in a family home

Greenwateringcan · 18/07/2021 10:56

@ivykaty44

full of kids and he doesn;t want it

your dh needs to realise he is part of a family and lives in a family home

Family home not local holiday club til after half seven at night.
Charlize43 · 18/07/2021 10:56

@StapMe

Screechy and screamy kids in the neighbours' gardens do my head in anyway, let alone when a person has to work from home. Kids can - and should be - taught to play reasonably quietly, ask any night shift worker! And these days, any home worker too. What happened to good old fashioned consideration for other folk?
Agree but does that even exist anymore?
YetAnotherSpartacus · 18/07/2021 11:01

Your poor, poor neighbours.

ejhhhhh · 18/07/2021 11:02

YABU, I'd be annoyed too if I were your OH or your neighbours. Every day is extreme, and there's no reason why they can't all go home before you OH gets back from work. A couple of times a week is fine, but I absolutely wouldn't be inviting all the neighborhood kids to my garden everyday. Go out lots over the next week or so maybe so you're out/have plans when the kids come round and ask to play, that way they don't get used to using your house as a school holiday club.

TSSDNCOP · 18/07/2021 11:04

your dh needs to realise he is part of a family and lives in a family home

Op says he works a 12 hour shift FFS, I'd defy any parent, male or female, to walk in the front door and be thrilled to bits to find half a dozen screaming kids in the paddling pool.

Maves · 18/07/2021 11:10

I'd be pissed off if o was your dh it's to much! You sound like you're catered for a summer camp so not suprised they are all pilling in your garden as they probably haven't got trampolines etc etc.
Just say no done it's not hard they knock you're daughter asks if they can come in, you say not today can't be arsed with other ppls brats in my garden but we do it equally round these ends one of the reasons I don't own a trampoline...dat shits asking for trouble....

glitterelf · 18/07/2021 11:19

I'm a childminder so my gardens well used the difference is that I do not have a trampoline nor a pool and I'm paid for the service I provide.
We have a range of outdoor toys and resources and if children start to get a little loud are reminded that we have neighbours and that if they do not tone it down we have to go inside. In 12 years I've not had a single noise complaint.
I'm mindful of my neighbours even if it's not reciprocated. My youngest child has friends over but normally only within my actual working hours because I simply do not want to provide free childcare.
You should speak to the parents and share out the responsibilities of childcare in a fair way.

Mulhollandmagoo · 18/07/2021 11:22

She would love to go out with them on the bikes and scooters it's been me that said no

This is a huge problem, and you have acknowledged it a few times to be fair, but you need to address this and very quickly because you're being quite unfair to your daughter, she must have been gutted when they all shot off on their bikes and scooters and she had to stay behind!

The estate WhatsApp group is a good idea to be fair, keep everyone in the loop if that can be sorted somehow, but honestly today when they come knocking, let her go to the park with them, she's 9 she would love to go off to the park with her friends

Original poster
lazylump72 · 18/07/2021 11:23

@Howshouldibehave

If he gets in at 7.30 and the garden is still full of kids, what time are they actually leaving? Do their parents come and get them?

Did you answer the question about whether you had their contact details in case their was an accident or emergency in your pool, @lazylump72? Apologies if you did and I’ve missed it.

sorry no I don't answer it ,,I know where all the kids live so God forbid anything should happen Icould take them home .The kids seem to have a curfew really between 7 and 7.30 so most times they are gone by then,Its only been a week but I think I have after listening to some much good advice I can now rethink this and yes they can come and play but for a few hours and Iam addressing my own issues with regards to letting my DD have a little bit more freedom to go out and play with them as they would like her to,It was suggested a phone could help reassure me so Iam off to buy one now and try to get over my own probably daft fears and give my DD a bit more freedom to play and explore ,I know she would love to but it was me thinking they would be all safe here than out on the streets or between houses.I have to address this issue it's not fair on my DD or my neighbours having to put up with this just because I am not ready to let go a little. I see how having them here all the time is mainly for me and not the kids.Its hard to know when to let go a little but I am going to try, I want my DD to have fun and be safe and Iwant her to grow and explore just didn't realize Iwould have to confront this now..its only me that's not ready! But looks like Iam going to have to be!
OP posts:
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