Where are kids supposed to play?

[lazylump72]

Hi
I am having a bit of a barny with my DH and well quite frankly he is trying to be thoughtful of the neighbours etc and he does work 12 he shifts but
whilst I do think he has a point and I might be being a bit unreasonable
I don't know how to approach this so thought I would see from the wise mumsnetters where you stand on this,All suggestions will be helpful!
So it's the start of the school holidays,beautiful weather,garden full of toys and pool out,happy days!This is the first year our DD 9 yes has has friends on our estate and it's wonderful.Thereis a little group of 5 and they get on amazingly and play really well,They have been round our house in the garden playing for a week,They are safe and enclosed and well a bit demanding and noisy.I get this,I do I have to sit and listen to it but they are having such a Fab time safely and under supervision I have no issues except I will try to shut them up when it gets too loud! Now I am the one listening to it all day not DH he is at work but he gets home and the garden is full of kids and he doesn;t want it, I am trying to find a balance here but what do I do? There is nowhere else for the kids to play,I don't want them out on the road it's not safe,I don't mind them here really.Its not ideal for the neighbours either but it's summer,.Am I being the neighbours from hell? Where do your kids and their friends play? Given there ages of 8 and 9 years Ithought I was doing the right thing...am I? Do people expect quiet between 11 and 7 ish? I know it's a pain hearing kids for a lot of people but where do you all stand on this?

Inevitably someone will fall,trip, something will happen.You need mobile phone contact details for parents to come when something happens. Set up a WhatsApp group do a rota that everyone participate in,if the parents won’t or don’t you stop inviting their kid

At moment you’re the free crèche that provides food. With no expectations of reciprocity. Free summer childcare and food. The other parents must delighted. You’re free daycare and your partner is expected to slap on a cheery face with no complaint and ‘Suck it up’ when he return from work
Stop being a doormat

I think you're doing right by your child and it is lovely to have all their friends there. At that age, we all had to home for lunch and tea, and there was some sort of unspoken rule that you took at least hour over each. Sometimes, if I was invited to someone's for tea (a drink, some sandwich and maybe a bit of cake), then we didn't see each other after lunch until 4.teatime, about 4. The invitationwould have been issued by the mum to me, and if I accepted then they'd phone my mum and a date would be set, often 'today' or 'tomorrow' but not often further away.

At least this way, you're less unpaid childcare, they still have to organise feeding of their own children......

Well done op. Let us know how she gets on with her new freedom, please.

I've only skimmed the thread but it sounds like you are ready to give your DD a bit more freedom OP. I was just going to add my oldest DD always wanted to be at her friends. I used to ask her to bring them round here but I think her friend was a mini queen bee & liked to host (her mum liked to be the host if there was anything on think, oh it's your birthday, come round, oh you've got so and so there, bring them too) not saying you or your DDare like this but please remember there may be other mums thinking it would be nice to see their DD playing with their friends in their garden, instead of your house being the default setting. Also it may just be noise from play now that finishes early evening but give it a year or two and you can add music and a year or two more, boys, maybe not in person, but lots of screeching in response to messages, TikToks or whatever they're doing by then & they'll be staying a lot later too. So yes, get some boundaries and reciprocal arrangements in place now.

Freedom to be in a group scooting or biking on your estate id be ok with if time-limited yes
I’d not leave a group of 8 -9yo to play out in a park or playground unescorted no
But park you again can go as a group of parents or share the responsibility as 1 adult maintain an overview

I used to be taken for a mug like this all because I was grateful for my only ds to have others to play with. Op I think you should send them home just before your dh comes home.

That imposes your rules on a whole group though Espresso, they never asked you how they should parent their children or what boundaries their children should have. You tell YOUR child where they can go and until what time that's how it works. If your child is on a shorter timescale then they leave earlier, if you don't want them riding home alone you call them and collect them from wherever they are.
It's a fact of life when you're a kid that everyone has different rules, I was never allowed to do as much as my friends that meant I missed out (and felt embarrassed), it didn't and shouldn't have meant that everyone's parents got told what to do by my Mum, that would have been even more embarrassing for me.

No one has to comply with my preference, if it doesn’t suit opt out
I’m not going to ring your door bell demand you accompany the kids to park
Simply saying I would not leave a group 8-9 yo to go to park alone
As you say others can do their own thing

Sorry I read it wrong then, I read your post as share the responsibility between adults when other parents have decided that their children are old enough to not be supervised for a few hours.

It’s self selecting essentially based on parents preferences
If I take kids A,B,C,D to park I expect parents of those kids to take turns supervise too
If parents of child D say actually no, child fine unescorted then I don’t escort child D or expect reprocicity

QUICK UPDATE
Thank you to each and every one of you who took the time to reply..all of you stars
Well this afternoon has been busy,I first called at the vodaphone shop and got DD a phone,think they saw me coming but never mind,she can use it confidently so I am happier we can keep in touch should she ever need me,She has now gone round to call for her friend ..on her own ,,I feel sick but I can conquer this she has no roads to cross so deep breathe me. She has just text me to say she is there and all is good..christ I sound like a right wimp but it's me. So one hurdle down, Earlier I saw the neighbours on both sides and had a word I asked that Ihoped the kids were not disturbing them too much and over the past week they were here and apologized if they did,told them Iwould cut down the days and monitor the noise levels and if they had any issues please let me know,,they were great about it and said they would let me know if it bothered them but they hadn't been Disturbed too much,,they were very kind and I appreciate both sets,I explained it was my issue in having them here as I was afraid to let my daughter be out on her own they understood totally my concerns but I don't and never did want to upset them with the noise, So it's been productive I think and no kids here when my DH gets in so he will be chuffed,So just working on me now and learning to relax and chill over my dd..let her exploring begin even if it's not too far to begin with. Thank you all again x

Great outcome, sounds as if everything worked out well

I wouldn't be happy if my neighbour had a garden full of screaming kids for 6 weeks solid. The 'child minding' needs to be rotated.

Haha you don't sound like a wimp. I bet she is thrilled.

Well done OP great result all round.

Well done! And it sounds as though you have lovely neighbours too.

That’s a great result and really refreshing to see a poster take on board opinions without stropping off. Well done, @lazylump72, your DD will be thrilled that you trust her.

But the OP is still providing a holiday club?

@Friday999

But the OP is still providing a holiday club?

And she’s happy so what’s your gripe? Good call, OP.

Ah, I bet dd was thrilled with her adventure and being grown up enough to have her own phone.

Well done OP, it's not often someone follows advise and is so sensible...Especially in AIBU!! Are you new?😂

Well done on phone and letting go

Sure I will be the same with toddler blondes when older

Still get the parents numbers ans make them share the care

The other parent's are happy for their kids to be in your garden all day but they don't want them at their's

Wow, they must love you and the free child care. I'd limit it to once or twice a week and only your kids when DP is home from twelve hours at work

I imagine the last thing he wants is somebody else's screaming kids in his garden!

Well I think there needs to be a compromise and also do you not take your DD out to the park or beach or countryside or a day trip now and then?

I would personally say twice a week max to have them over. Not necessarily on same day every week as you are setting yourself up for other parents to use you for regular childcare. Secondly I would say not before 11 and to go home abt 4.
Ideally though for the kids to pop over for a couple of hours during that period not the whole time.

Plus you could invite one a time for a picnic somewhere else for example.

Well done on the steps you made yesterday 🤗