To feel awful at telling my 7 year old to fuck off in these circumstances?

[goodforyouyoulookhappy]

I am a single mum to 7 year old daughter, I have recently been diagnosed with diabetes (January 2021), I'm not even 30 and it's been a struggle getting used to everything.

Yesterday I'm not sure exactly what happened, but a few hours after eating I was just getting ready in a hurry and started to feel a hypo come on, I started shaking, sweating etc went into that dream like state. However, at the time I didn't really notice it was happening, it's really hard to explain.

Anyway my daughter then came up the stairs and I said 'do your teeth please' and she started moaning about doing her teeth. This infuriated me because why would she moan about doing her teeth? It's something that she literally has to do every day, does she really think moaning is going to get her out of it? I felt this overwhelming rage and said 'oh fuck off Jess'. She looked taken aback and said 'no need to swear, I was only kidding' and then did them.

I went down stairs and checked my blood, was having a hypo so got that sorted. I just feel so bad, I don't know what came over me. I'm usually a very calm person, have a great relationship with my daughter, a very calm and peaceful house. 'Fuck off' is not how we speak to each other.

I apologised to her and explained what happened and said it was no excuse and I will do better next time. She seems fine but I feel still awful all day today about it.

AIBU?

In relation to a poster asking when it became acceptable to curse at a child @WalkingOnTheCracks replied "I think it was last autumn.....I remember seeing a piece about it in The Times."

You are very bold !!!! ( An Irish expression for very naughty )

@Rollmopsrule

AbsolutelyPatsy Reported your previous post mocking a serious medical condition that many people struggle to live with everyday. You need to educate yourself.

Wish I'd done this rather than engaging @Rollmopsrule Thank you.

@Seeleyboo

I'm more surprised she knew what a swear word was and the word swear at 7. If i said that to my two girls, other than my tone they would have no idea what the word was and probably wouldn't react. Do you often swear around you child.

I think you are living in lala land if you think your 7 year old has never of a swear word. Children hear swear words at school from older children. They hear them in society in general. It would be very unusual for a child to get to 7 and not know that a word was a swear word. When I worked in an infant class some children would swear quite a bit so your sneery post towards the OP is a bit ridiculous.

My DH is one of the nicest, gentle people you could meet in your life. He has diabetes. He had many signs before he got diagnosed, but one was at times he would become really angry out of nowhere - totally out of character and he would regularly say "I don't know what came over me". He was worried he was developing schizophrenia (family history) and went to the GP who discovered it was diabetes. I can now tell if he's heading towards a hypo/hyper as he becomes like a bear with a sore head. So I actually don't think you were AIBU you were unwell.

My Dad is a raging arsehole when he has a hypo - it’s really not something he can help. I know the language isn’t ideal but I’d cut yourself a little bit of slack as it is a recognised symptom.

I don’t know much about diabetes but do know of two diabetics who would get uncharacteristically aggressive and when they had a hypo. My understanding is it is part of the condition and I guess for some newly diagnosed it’s a matter of understanding the warning signs.

Diabetes is hard to get used to and it takes time to learn to spot the warning signs eventually you and your daughter will both be able to spot it. It's really not your fault at all and your daughter will learn to see they difference between mum and hypo mum you will also manage better they longer you have it. You can research why it happens to show your daughter so she can have hard proof it's not about her.

FYI my 4 year old knows loads of swear words

'I apologised to her and explained what happened and said it was no excuse and I will do better next time.'

This is the point. Not only is it not your norm, but you went back with the crucial acknowledgement-explanation-apology. So you both grow in understanding life is tricky and no one is perfect.
Give yourself some grace, life isnt perfect.

Let it go OP. You said your usually calm and I'm sure your doing a great job. Your child will survive.*

^ This with bells on. Especially under the circumstances of adapting to the reality of diabetes.

rainbowunicorn

Twoforthree
Haven’t bothered to read the opening post or any reply.

There is NEVER any circumstances that would justify that.
And to think we allow people like you to sit on Jurys.

THIS

Absolutely terrifying.

Hardly anyone understands how hard it is to get diabetes balance right. I practically never manage it, whilst trying desperately hard every day.

@ElfridaEtAl

Very telling from this thread the posters who know about diabetes and those who absolutely do not

OP, it might be a good idea to use this as an opportunity to teach your DD about your hypos, and that of something like this happens again, mum might need some help and keep a list of numbers on the fridge of people she can ring?

I dont understand why you are judging the responses of other people who have commented yet what you said is basically what 90% of what else has said which is to educate her daughter.

@Amrapaali

What exactly is your AIBU here? You were of course very unreasonable to swear at your daughter. Are you looking for strangers on MN to absolve you?

Ve dreadful if you were judgemental!

OP my friends mum is diabetic, she's vile when in a hypo! Unbelievable.

I hope you've forgiven yourself now,

@goddessofmischief

The apology is good but telling a 7 year old to fuck off is not. I'll probably be jumped on, but that's a step too far for me. Concentrate on getting it under control.

So ill informed, take time to educate yourself.

It happens a lot mid hypo, I often get mild mannered old ladies swearing at me when having a hypo and also my daughter in law who is type 1. Just explain to your 7 year old.

I know it's not the point of the OP, but just to say that I have learned a lot about diabetes from this thread. Genuinely never knew hypos could make someone act so out of character or aggressively, I thought it was only physical issues like shaking, feeling faint, etc. Thanks for the explanations (and OP, hope you're feeling better - my dad told me to fuck off once, when he was very stressed and I was being very annoying, and I still think he's the best dad ever)

It very sadly has happened that people have died in a cell overnight as they were presumed to have been highly intoxicated when actually they were in the midst of a severe hypo.

It’s also an extremely difficult illness to manage in that unfortunately the medication that helps you stay alive can very easily kill you. It absolutely isn’t something to joke about or take lightly.

I'm just returning to this thread and oh my it has blown up spectacularly . I was the poster who asked "What was your AIBU?"

I'm still wondering. @goodforyouyoulookhappy it was very unfortunate about your hypo incident. But you realised you were rude DURING the incident and apologised accordingly. Done and dusted. So what WAS the AIBU? Did you want us to hold your hand? A few words of comfort? Naught wrong with asking for that. Many posters do that here and get loads of support. That is why I asked. It really wasn't meant to be sarky.

Thanks to all the posters who explained hypo. Many in my family have T2 diabetes but no I have not seen or experienced this first hand. The info was useful.

But my point still stands: a person does something unacceptable (in the throes of hypo, while hungover, PMS or whatever out of their control). The person then shows contrition, apologises and life goes on.

But the original rudeness is still rudeness (as recognised by conventional society)

OP good luck and good health. Keep safe

When elder daughter was five, I opened the fridge and a precariously balanced block of cheese fell out.

“Oh, balls,” I said.

The kid looked up from her colouring and observed, “Mummy would’ve said ‘fuck’.”

Needless to say I censoriously but rather gleefully reported this life-event at the earliest opportunity.

@Why DO you feel the need to write in CAPITALS? Does it make YOU feel SUPERIOR?

Of course it is unreasonable to tell a child to fuck off when they don’t want to brush their teeth, regardless of the circumstances.

But, you have done the right thing in apologising and explaining. You’ve taken responsibility for your behaviour and shown your daughter that we are accountable for our actions when we hurt others, regardless of why.

I think you’ve shown your daughter a valuable lesson here and modelled an appropriate response to saying something you shouldn’t have.

It may be worth seeing if you can put things in place to stop it happening again if you think there is a risk, but if it was just a one off then that’s not really needed

Don't worry about it , you will get better at recognising a hypo. No one on here knows what anyone else will be like having a hypo including other diabetics , I've seen three different people have a hypo and they were all different ,one very aggressive . As soon as you get uncharacteristically angry you will now check your blood sugar .

Even if it’s not ideal, there’s a reason it happened, and you dealt with it well afterwards. Showing her that you could get something wrong, to admit it, and apologise is teaching her a good lesson.

[quote Sadiecow]@Why DO you feel the need to write in CAPITALS? Does it make YOU feel SUPERIOR?[/quote]
That was meant for @WalkingOnTheCracks

Maybe as its just the two of you, you can agree with her a phrase like "not now hypo now" to say to her if it's coming on and you can't cope with what she's doing / saying. You could even show her what you need in those moments. She might find it a bit empowering to be able to help a bit. If it's possible for you to be able to focus on saying your agreed phrase at the moment you need it - I'm afraid I don't know quite what a hypo is like to be in.