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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel awful at telling my 7 year old to fuck off in these circumstances?

246 replies

goodforyouyoulookhappy · 17/07/2021 22:54

I am a single mum to 7 year old daughter, I have recently been diagnosed with diabetes (January 2021), I'm not even 30 and it's been a struggle getting used to everything.

Yesterday I'm not sure exactly what happened, but a few hours after eating I was just getting ready in a hurry and started to feel a hypo come on, I started shaking, sweating etc went into that dream like state. However, at the time I didn't really notice it was happening, it's really hard to explain.

Anyway my daughter then came up the stairs and I said 'do your teeth please' and she started moaning about doing her teeth. This infuriated me because why would she moan about doing her teeth? It's something that she literally has to do every day, does she really think moaning is going to get her out of it? I felt this overwhelming rage and said 'oh fuck off Jess'. She looked taken aback and said 'no need to swear, I was only kidding' and then did them.

I went down stairs and checked my blood, was having a hypo so got that sorted. I just feel so bad, I don't know what came over me. I'm usually a very calm person, have a great relationship with my daughter, a very calm and peaceful house. 'Fuck off' is not how we speak to each other.

I apologised to her and explained what happened and said it was no excuse and I will do better next time. She seems fine but I feel still awful all day today about it.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Rollmopsrule · 18/07/2021 09:34

Definitely go easy on yourself op. It's all so new so it's just getting to grips with the new normal. Banish the guilt and move on Flowers

Just as a contrast to some of other peoples experiences not every person with diabetes has anger tendencies when low. My close relative has been Type 1 for 14 years. She has a low and can tell its coming so treats it immediately. Even when the treatment is delayed she shows no anger or aggression, just feels very tired and hungry. Everyone is different.

Ju11tne · 18/07/2021 09:34

@Branleuse

when my teenager complained that the food I had made was "ugh, vegan" for the fifty millionth time since I went vegetarian this year - not even vegan, I told him to either eat it or fuck off. Im not even diabetic, just sick of everyones shit
The best!!! Grin

OP should delete this thread. Most people don't know that if OP had not of checked her blood sugar at that crucial time telling her child to F off on the rare occasion that would of be the LEAST of her worries.

elevenses75 · 18/07/2021 09:34

I work with kids with diabetes, either after they’ve come in poorly dka or newly diagnosed or sometimes for re education so deal with it a lot. New diabetics tend to take a while to get used to the levels of insulin and can need less to begin with and then build up, they aren’t used to being high or low so the feeling isn’t familiar yet they just ‘feel’ odd.

And as someone else said it depends on loads of things how their diabetes affects them, exercise, emotions, food or lack of, having a bug or cold/being ill, all these things along with loads of others affect a diabetics blood sugar. Def a good idea to teach your daughter op, gives her knowledge to help you and understanding into your behaviour, as it’s just the 2 of you at home it’s a good idea.

Don’t beat yourself up, genuinely you couldn’t help it.

MissMarplesstylecoach · 18/07/2021 09:37

Amrapaali , please look up hypoglycaemia and the effects of low glucose on brain function before you comment .

Seeleyboo · 18/07/2021 09:38

I'm more surprised she knew what a swear word was and the word swear at 7. If i said that to my two girls, other than my tone they would have no idea what the word was and probably wouldn't react. Do you often swear around you child.

Rollmopsrule · 18/07/2021 09:39

AbsolutelyPatsy Reported your previous post mocking a serious medical condition that many people struggle to live with everyday. You need to educate yourself.

gindreams · 18/07/2021 09:40

@Seeleyboo

Polish that Halo

AbsolutelyPatsy · 18/07/2021 09:41

@Rollmopsrule which?

MissMarplesstylecoach · 18/07/2021 09:43

Ju11tne, the problem with hypoglycaemia is that it affects your cognitive function and therefore your decision making . It is not the ops fault that she didnt check her glucose immediately. It would be a good idea to talk to her daughter in simple terms about why she swore and how to get help of mummy is behaving strangely in the future . There are NHS funded devices that can alert the op to low glucose levels and it may be worth asking her GP / diabetes team about these .

FartnissEverbeans · 18/07/2021 09:45

@Twoforthree

Your contribution is really, really not of any value. Don’t be so lazy

FartnissEverbeans · 18/07/2021 09:47

@Seeleyboo Your kids have never heard the word ‘fuck’? Really?

That’s weird, sorry. Do you live on the moon or something

AbsolutelyPatsy · 18/07/2021 09:47

be kind @KindnessMyFriends,
i think that is your what your user name means?
or does that only apply to your Friends?

Ju11tne · 18/07/2021 09:48

@MissMarplesstylecoach I think you haven't read all my posts and you have missed my point. I feel sorry for the OP. I am fully aware about diabetes I agree it's not her fault and the swearing issue is just a small thing as it was a one off. OP was unaware of her hypo like many diabetics.

Cheeeeislifenow · 18/07/2021 09:54

Haven't rtft but have you got a book that can help explain it? A plan if it happens again? And a safe person she can call if you seem not yourself and she is worried.

Op you have a medical condition, this is really not your fault at all x

Recycledblonde · 18/07/2021 09:57

@Seeleyboo

I'm more surprised she knew what a swear word was and the word swear at 7. If i said that to my two girls, other than my tone they would have no idea what the word was and probably wouldn't react. Do you often swear around you child.
I think you’re being a little naive, unless your children have never mixed with other children and are permanently locked up they will know what a swear word is. Even I, bought up in an ultra religious family in the 1970s, to their dying day I never even heard my parents utter even the word damn or bloody, but I knew by the age of 5 what were swear words. I also knew I wasn’t allowed to use them and never told my parents that I knew them.
Totallydefeated · 18/07/2021 10:01

What exactly is your AIBU here? You were of course very unreasonable to swear at your daughter. Are you looking for strangers on MN to absolve you?

This and comments by the likes of AbsolutePatsy are classic examples of how complete ignorance of a subject clearly forms no barrier in some people to weighing in with a stupid, wrong and uninformed judgment.

When people are in a hypo, they are unable to think properly or control their actions. What looks like unreasonable behaviour on the surface is solely the result of their brain not having enough glucose to function properly.

Telling her daughter to fuck off is mild compared to what could have happened if OP had lost capacity enough to realise she needed to test and raise her blood sugar.

Hypos are not always predictable or avoidable and can sometimes come on so fast the person doesn’t have chance to realise what’s happening.

Educate yourselves, before piling in to give someone a good kicking. You just make yourself look like an utter arse if you don’t.

Jayneisagirlsname · 18/07/2021 10:02

Go easy on yourself. It's common in diabetics. Anger and irritation are how I know my lovely DH is low. I call it The Rage and I know to hand over glucose tablets and a coke and back away slowly! Xx

Totallydefeated · 18/07/2021 10:07

Getting to a hypo stage is absolutely in a diabetic’s control. This is where one has to take responsibility for their diet and blood sugar monitoring.

Ozanj It is usuallyunder a diabetic’s control, but not absolutely. Sometimes things like hormonal fluctuations or illness can make it more unpredictable and can override all attempts to manage. But I agree that it is possible in most circumstances to forestall a hypo with good management.

Given that it’s not possible to always avoid hypo, I agree with pps that OP needs to have a rescue kit in the house or with her at all times, and needs to explain to her DD when she might need to get medical help.

georgarina · 18/07/2021 10:08

I have PCOS-related insulin resistance and I'm prone to hypos - they're horrible, they can happen suddenly, and you definitely feel confused and out of control. I wouldn't blame yourself for getting stressed and losing composure temporarily. Your daughter is 7 and she will understand when you explain x

WhenwillSleephappen · 18/07/2021 10:11

@icclemunchy

Loving all the non diabetics here telling you how you just have to get it under control.

You do realise how many things affect a blood sugar level right? It's not just food vs insulin at play! Hormones, the weather, stress levels the position of the moon (and that's only slightly tounge in cheek!) all affect things.

I could knock a glass over and make myself jump and it would change the result of my meal completely. Once you've inject that insulin it's tough you can't take it out again! So if you sit down to a meal that you then can't finish for some reason it's tough you have to deal with the after affects!!

Don't feels bad OP. It does get easier, you do learn your body and its likely responses and things like this will be less likely to happy.

Is it ideal you swore at her? No. But it's also not ideal that I dropped a book on my DDs food yesterday and now she has a bruse! Give her a hug and apologise, explain what was happening then stick it in a box and forget about it.

So glad you mentioned some of the things that affect blood sugars. It’s so typical that people think once diagnosed all you do is take insulin and everything is ok.

@ozanj - you clearly never understood how difficult it is to balance. As previously stated weather, hormones, exercise, stress, food intake, insulin intake etc effect levels. It’s shit your mother didn’t get hers under better control, but I expect it was also shit for her. Even after many years you get it wrong. Yesterday’s heatwave resulted in hypos. I’ve made adjustments for today, but I might get it wrong again.

OP - talk to your daughter and explain. Do your best to balance your levels, but it is hard work and you will sometimes get it wrong.

Toddlerteaplease · 18/07/2021 10:14

You were having a hypo!

Oceangirl82 · 18/07/2021 10:15

I am not a ‘new’ diabetic but my blood sugar levels are badly affected by illness, infections and stress.
If I have an infection two days before on waking it’s 25, should about 7 so of course lots more insulin needed, then as the infection improves blood sugars drop and a massive hypo follows. Infection could be something as simple as a cold sore or it (according to my Dr) may not even fully develop.
My Drs are fully aware of the above but of course cannot predict these events any more than I can.
In conclusion diabetic control is not as simple as eating the right things and exercising, as the uneducated on this thread believe,

Brefugee · 18/07/2021 10:16

Don't let it upset you too much. Apologise for swearing, teach her the signs for when you're hypo and teach her above all the absolute fucking awfulness of kicking off about something then calling it a joke.

rainbowunicorn · 18/07/2021 10:20

@Twoforthree

Haven’t bothered to read the opening post or any reply.

There is NEVER any circumstances that would justify that.

And to think we allow people like you to sit on Jurys.
OlympicProcrastinator · 18/07/2021 10:20

I'm more surprised she knew what a swear word was and the word swear at 7. If i said that to my two girls, other than my tone they would have no idea what the word was

Classic Mumsnet. God I love this place at times Grin