To feel awful at telling my 7 year old to fuck off in these circumstances?

[goodforyouyoulookhappy]

I am a single mum to 7 year old daughter, I have recently been diagnosed with diabetes (January 2021), I'm not even 30 and it's been a struggle getting used to everything.

Yesterday I'm not sure exactly what happened, but a few hours after eating I was just getting ready in a hurry and started to feel a hypo come on, I started shaking, sweating etc went into that dream like state. However, at the time I didn't really notice it was happening, it's really hard to explain.

Anyway my daughter then came up the stairs and I said 'do your teeth please' and she started moaning about doing her teeth. This infuriated me because why would she moan about doing her teeth? It's something that she literally has to do every day, does she really think moaning is going to get her out of it? I felt this overwhelming rage and said 'oh fuck off Jess'. She looked taken aback and said 'no need to swear, I was only kidding' and then did them.

I went down stairs and checked my blood, was having a hypo so got that sorted. I just feel so bad, I don't know what came over me. I'm usually a very calm person, have a great relationship with my daughter, a very calm and peaceful house. 'Fuck off' is not how we speak to each other.

I apologised to her and explained what happened and said it was no excuse and I will do better next time. She seems fine but I feel still awful all day today about it.

AIBU?

OK 3 diabetics 2 DC and EXDP, things they have done in a hypo:

DD15
Walked off out of the science museum on a school trip, in to the road.
Got on the wrong bus and ended up completely lost.
Sat through a maths exam, unable to pick up a pen or summon help. No hypo awareness.

DS12
Very angry hypo haver. Refuses to do a test. Has to be held down. Slams doors. Swears. Shouts and hits.
All completely out of character.

EXDP
stripped naked and walked off out of the house.
Became so aggressive that I needed both police and ambulance, needle for glucagon broke off in his arm.
Pissed all over the house and cowering DC, ambulance call again.
Kicked the toddler accidentally.
In 15 years, I have probably called an ambulance 30 times. He is badly controlled. No hypo awareness.

What have I done:
All of the children are each aware now of micro changes in behaviour which show the start of a hypo. Changes in voice, breathing, focus, stance, alertness. Each of us know to get a blood testing kit and jelly babies and me. I then send the DC to safety and try to sort it. If I can't calmly convince cooperation, I call an ambulance.

Honestly, I have enough experience to guarantee that this was not under your control. Do not beat yourself up over it. The best you can do is make every attempt possible to avoid hypos and have a safety plan.

Plan
Keep your blood testing kit with you everywhere.

Keep jelly babies on you everywhere.

Teach your family to notice early changes in you. They are different for everyone.

The hypo explains a lot. You’ve explained and apologised so I think it’s fine - she knows it’s not her fault, you just weren’t well at that moment. I wouldn’t let it worry you

@Amrapaali

What exactly is your AIBU here? You were of course very unreasonable to swear at your daughter. Are you looking for strangers on MN to absolve you?

Not really during a hypo. My mother could be horrendous due to the effects of the hypo.

I have a brittle diabetic at work who would take a knife to me in a hypo given the opportunity

I remember us having a new front door fitted when I was about 19. My Mum had an absolute meltdown about it, despite wanting the new one 10 mins before. The hypo had taken hold and she was literally demanding the poor door fitters refit our battered old wooden one as she wanted it back NOW! The fitters just looked terrified at this little woman growling and snarling about a door she didn’t want.

Type 1 for 18 years. I also have a 7 year old DD.

No two hypos are the same.... some make me incredibly irritable and snappy. This might have been a one off for you or it may be how you generally react to a hypo. I tell DD I'm having a hypo and that I need 5 minutes. I've been diabetic all her life so she's now quite savvy with it and entertains herself for 5 minutes before coming back to see how I am (and if there's any spare sweeties going 😉). It's a learning curve for you both.

You apologised and explained why your actions in that situation were wrong. You owned it and were big enough to apologise. Plenty people that will tell you you were wrong don't have a condition that affects their cognitive ability in the same way a hypo does. They also have zero understanding of type 1.

We aren't considered capable of driving while hypo and for 45 minutes after, you weren't yourself. Be kind to yourself 💐

On the contrary I think its a great chance to get her involved. She knew you weren't yourself. If its just the two of you at home its so important she recognises the symptoms of a hypo. A hypo kit is a great idea so she can get you it quickly and then you'll have everything to hand. Teach her to administer whatever you have been advised and how to call an ambulance if you still aren't coming round. My DS is 4 and comes home every day telling me about his friend at nursery and tells me exactly how to check her sugars and if it is below 4 she needs a red coke so your DD is definitely not too young. I'm sorry you've had a hypo in front of her but there is no need to feel guilty, just like if you had a delirium from an infection there was literally nothing you could do to control it, its your bodies way of telling those around you that something is wrong.

You poor thing. As if you can be held responsible for what you say in that state.

And I feel for your DD too because you are clearly such a lovely consistent parent most of the time so this will be a shock. If this is going to happen from time to time, I would really recommend some family counselling sessions where you can share the feelings that are going on, an independent expert can reassure your DD it isn't personal, and you can discuss strategies for how to work around it.

Well, it isn't what you want to say to a 7 year old child, but...you were mid-hypo, and that's when we say or do thing that we would not ordinarily say or do. Does your daughter understand what diabetes is, and how it can affect you? I was that age when my grandmother was diagnosed, and it was explained simply but clearly to me, including if Gram started acting funny, or saying weird things, get another adult immediately. Yours is certainly old enough to alert you when things are off.

OP you are human. Let it go.

@rainbowunicorn since you know better then what can OP do to prevent her swearing at her daughter again when she is in that circumstance again ?

OP, you have my sympathy for your diabetes diagnosis, especially as I have my own dietary problems at the moment, but I just wanted to beg you to follow the diet scrupulously and take exercise to keep your sugar on an even keel. My FIL was diagnosed with diabetes at the age of 40 and lived until he was 90, but that was because he followed the diet.

If you continue to let your sugar levels rise and fall like that, you could end up going blind or losing a limb and it would all be so unnecessary.

Very telling from this thread the posters who know about diabetes and those who absolutely do not

OP, it might be a good idea to use this as an opportunity to teach your DD about your hypos, and that of something like this happens again, mum might need some help and keep a list of numbers on the fridge of people she can ring?

My mum has diabetes and could nor string a sentence together when she has a hypo. Scary for her and for us. Ended up in a+e with a head scan. It's a serious thing and in that time you were unwell. I am sure your daughter understands. Hope everything gets easier to manage.

Give yourself a break op xx

It sounds like it’s completely out of character for you and the hypo is responsible. I was shocked reading your title but the hypo explains it and your DD sounds so grown up in her response for a 7 year old!!! You’re doing a good job xx

This is very common and I also echo other posters - please talk to your daughter about it, explain that if you start acting strangely or saying things you'd never say, she needs to get you something sugary and keep an eye on you. A stash of sugary drinks somewhere she can access and bring to you, phone numbers on the fridge and a reminder about calling 999 (does she know your address off by heart?) are all really important. But definitely don't beat yourself up about swearing - you were not in control and these things do happen!

I told my daughter to fuck off when she was being horrific. Not ideal but tbh she was being horrific. I don't have diabetes. Yanbu.

The only time my DDad ever swears is mid hypo.

You weren't in control but I agree with all the posters that you need to talk to your daughter about hypos and what can happen. As it could easily happen again.

All the best op. People can be very blasé about T1 diabetes. No idea why.

My dad had a horrible temper when we were kids. He would scream and shout at us and I vividly remember on one occasion locking myself and my siblings in a bathroom to get away from him, with him hammering and yelling on the other side of the door.

Well, it turned out my dad had undiagnosed late onset type 1 diabetes.

He’s still a bit of a grumpy bugger at times but he’s a nice man and certainly not abusive.

Diabetes is tough. Make sure your daughter understands why this might happen. She sounds like she took it in her stride anyway!

This happened with my calm-to-the-point-of-gormless dp the other day. I had told him that I had had enough being the one to challenge behaviour, issue instructions to move the day forwards, check that homework had been done etc, and that I was going to take a back seat here before my dc started to resent me. I was also sensing very strongly that dp was becoming "the favourite", and that's not fucking happening. So one night last week during a brattish moment with dd (aged 15), he erupted with a, "Fucking stop it. Now." It was incredibly effective because it has never, ever happened before (although both my dp and I swear merrily about our daily business we have never sworn in RL anger before). As a one-off, you might find the teeth brushing is no longer a point of contention!

@Amrapaali

What exactly is your AIBU here? You were of course very unreasonable to swear at your daughter. Are you looking for strangers on MN to absolve you?

Strange post. Are you trolling? Are you deliberately being provocative because you love an online scrap? Are you angry at the world? I always wonder about posts like this that are clearly so out of line with a normal 'human' response. What is the motivation?

The most important thing is that you apologised and explained what happened to her OP. Give yourself a break, being a single parent and coping with a new illness is a lot to deal with and in that moment it doesn’t sound like you were thinking rationally due the hypo.

Agree definitely a good idea to sit down with her again and explain all about the hypos and what to do if they happen in future.

It's awful to swear at your child. So yes YABU. When did it become ok to use fuck in front of let alone at a child?!

I’m a paramedic and have been attacked by ultra respectable little old ladies when they’re in the throes of a hypo. It’s needed 3 of us to hold them down to administer drugs to reverse it.
It would be worth involving your daughter in helping to manage your diabetes as it’s only the two of you. Make sure she knows how to dial 999 if she’s unable to wake you or you become totally unreasonable and put a card with all your details, full address, date of birth etc in an easily accessible place so she doesn’t have to stress about remembering them.
Keep readily accessible sugar around, not lucozade as they’ve lowered the sugar content but something like jelly babies, dextrose tablets, full fat coke etc and emphasise how important it is that they’re left alone.
All the best, being diagnosed with diabetes is scary and takes a lot of getting used to.