To feel awful at telling my 7 year old to fuck off in these circumstances?

[goodforyouyoulookhappy]

I am a single mum to 7 year old daughter, I have recently been diagnosed with diabetes (January 2021), I'm not even 30 and it's been a struggle getting used to everything.

Yesterday I'm not sure exactly what happened, but a few hours after eating I was just getting ready in a hurry and started to feel a hypo come on, I started shaking, sweating etc went into that dream like state. However, at the time I didn't really notice it was happening, it's really hard to explain.

Anyway my daughter then came up the stairs and I said 'do your teeth please' and she started moaning about doing her teeth. This infuriated me because why would she moan about doing her teeth? It's something that she literally has to do every day, does she really think moaning is going to get her out of it? I felt this overwhelming rage and said 'oh fuck off Jess'. She looked taken aback and said 'no need to swear, I was only kidding' and then did them.

I went down stairs and checked my blood, was having a hypo so got that sorted. I just feel so bad, I don't know what came over me. I'm usually a very calm person, have a great relationship with my daughter, a very calm and peaceful house. 'Fuck off' is not how we speak to each other.

I apologised to her and explained what happened and said it was no excuse and I will do better next time. She seems fine but I feel still awful all day today about it.

AIBU?

to all the PPs that also have to deal with children who have a memory lapse everyday come teeth brushing time. I think the 2 minutes you've stood protesting about doing them, they could of been done by now. Also when she puts the tiniest amount of toothpaste possible on the toothbrush so we then have to have a second argument about how much toothpaste is adequate. ahh it's exhausting being a parent!

@goddessofmischief

A 7 year old is plenty old enough to explain a hypo to, and she is old enough to understand that when we're having a medical emergency which affects our brain, we say and do silly things we do not mean and would never normally do. It isnt something to "get under control". For her health, then of course we hope she can manage her diabetes but if a hypo happens then it happens and her 7 year old needs to understand what that means, which includes being told that aggression will happen.

@goddessofmischief

The apology is good but telling a 7 year old to fuck off is not. I'll probably be jumped on, but that's a step too far for me. Concentrate on getting it under control.

It must be really nice to be so confident that your health won't betray you. Judgy much?

OP - your DD will probably have forgotten about it by tomorrow.

My very meek and mild T1D father in law turns into a sweary, combative dick when he's hypo. My DH (also T1D) isn't quite as bad but will still snap during hypos sometimes.
It's a chemical reaction in the brain and out of your control. Don't feel bad.

I hear this and worse virtually every work day with some of the families I work with and they can't see what the issue is. Now that is a problem.
A one off with exceptional circumstances stances is more understanding.

Someone has already said what my initial thoughts were which is rather than keep apologising explain in detail what happened and let her know what the triggers are for next time and maybe what she could do to help.

People can do all sorts in a hypo. Diiane Abbott blames it for some of her antics.

Just forgive yourself @goodforyouyoulookhappy , it's an illness you can't 100% help it at all times, but you can do everything you can to manage your condition, avoid hypos or spot the signs and treat them early etc.

@Motherofking

dont feel bad. you apologized and you sound like a good mother either way . Just maybe learn to find a way to not do it again when you are under those circumstances. Maybe when in a hypo again tell her you are in one so she can not communicate with you until you feel better so you dont repeat it again ?

in the nicest possible way, that's about as likely as telling someone with epilepsy who's having a tonic-clonic seizure, to just stop shaking.

I'm also type one diabetic and get VERY snappy during a hypo. It's not something we have control over; it's biology. Just work on recognising the signs so you can immediately have some fast-acting sugar, take yourself somewhere and sit down for 10 minutes until the symptoms subside.

@Amrapaali

What exactly is your AIBU here? You were of course very unreasonable to swear at your daughter. Are you looking for strangers on MN to absolve you?

I assume you’ve never had a hypo, else you wouldn’t make such an unreasonable comment.

The OP is obviously upset by this and wants reassurance that it’s something that was caused by her chronic illness and is not normal behaviour for her.

Don’t worry about - it was a one off, there were extenuating circumstances, she’s being brought up in a stable, loving household, you apologised and acknowledged it wasn’t a nice thing to say. She won’t come to any harm at all

Fellow diabetic here of 22 years. Forgive yourself - hypo anger is REAL. I once told my ex to get out of my house for reading from the box of cereal I was binging on when having a bad hypo. Not even sorry 😂

When I did my last First Aid course we were told that irritability and swearing (particularly if out of character) was a symptom of somebody having a hypo and something to look out for.

I think you should apologise to your daughter and explain this. If she is aware of what is happening she may be able to make sure that you deal with a hypo at an early stage next time, or to get you help.

It sounds like you’ve handled this as well as you possibly could. Perhaps see if there are any age appropriate books about diabetes that would help her understand more?

Don't beat yourself up.. once in a hypo you aren't in full control of your brain.
My son in law once really swung for my daughter on one occasion (I was there) as he very suddenly went into a hypo.. she was trying to get a sweet drink into him and he became very aggressive (he was really poorly with it..had to call an ambulance as he lsot consciousness)
He was SO upset when he was back to normal later...he's the most gentle and polite man normally.

I would teach your daughter to recognise the signs of a hypo.. if Mum's acting a bit weird or snappy.. get her sugar/jam./whatever works fast for you. That was it will be less scary for her and just something to deal with in a matter of fact way.

@Lavender24 hahah 😂 sounds perfectly reasonable to me!

@noctu I Understand . I am not very knowledgeable on how it works if someone is going through hypo. As it is something that is very hard to control maybe OP can explain that to her daughter and have her not communicate with her during those circumstances

For everyone who suggested the age appropriate book - this is a great idea and will be looking into that tomorrow!

I've done things like that and I don't have diabetes. Let it go... You learnt from it and apologised n explained to your daughter. Not ideal but it's real life and you ll both learn from it. Take care and be kind to yourself

Hi OP not read the whole thread so this may have suggested.

Sit down with DD apologise etc.

Look at eg NHS hypo info together

www.nhs.uk/conditions/low-blood-sugar-hypoglycaemia/

Explain that it can mean that you behave totally out of character. It literally was nothing to do with her.

She will likely want to help. Impress on her that it is NOT her responsibility but if you get like that to ... Tell you or get something or whatever will help.

Getting her to understand and then giving her some action she can take will reassure and comfort her I think.

Could be a lot worse. When my friend was going into a hypo she told her teacher (year 10) that he couldn't teach, knew nothing about the subject, and she hated him and then she got really insulting.

I went with her when she went to apologise and he couldn't stop laughing, although he was normally pretty strict, because he also knew it was out of character for her.

I'll never forget my mum having to forcibly grab the steering wheel from my uncle while he was mid hypo and chapping a strangers door to ask for a fizzy drink or chocolate bar.

For him to then throw us out of the car and speed off. He returned mortified and apologetic a few minutes later when the sugar kicked in. (Before anyone says it he also had to relinquish his license for a while).

It's not your fault op, you weren't in control

@Motherofking I assume that you know absolutely nothing about being a diabetic and what being in a hypo actually means. Op would not have been in enough control to explain to a child that she was in a Hypo. As a new diagnosed diabetic she may not have even recognised the warning signs.
It is not like having a sore head where you can tell someone that you feel a bit under the weather so are going for a lie down.
Please don't give advice on things you don't understand. Op is obviously upset and does not need usless advice however well meaning.

My assistant at work swore the absolute bejesus at me during a hypo and hit me and tried to bite me when I tried to give her dextrose. It was horrific. Your dd had a lucky escape!

Hypos cause aggression. Been there.

Just apologise and explain that hypos can cause these type of reactions. Do you have a hypo kit made up that you can show to your dd and explain that if you shout kit you need her to get it immediately.

Hypos are horrendous, the sweats, the headaches, the uncontrollable rage. I feel for you op!

I work in a hospital and we have to deal with all sorts of behaviour you may not normally experience, because people are not themselves when they are unwell. Let it go and be kind to yourself