To think I've paid a huge price putting career before motherhood

[fertilitybs]

NC for this. I’ve just had my second miscarriage in a row. I’m starting to think, why didn’t I just bite the bullet and do this when my eggs were fresher and I was younger?

I’ve been very career driven and now hate my career and feel like karma is making this happen because ultimately I chose career/money/going out/‘having fun’ etc over motherhood.

I feel awful and am suffering by myself I’ve not told anyone about the miscarriage as I don’t want to worry anyone and no one understands.

I also feel very awkward hearing and seeing other peoples pregnancies which makes me feel like a terrible person but I’m angry. All my life I’ve exercised and taken care of my body and health and have been rewarded in this shit way and some people can smoke and take drugs and their babies are fine.

Sorry for the rant I’m just very confused and wanted to reach out to hear others experiences.

Does anyone else feel they’ve paid a huge price putting their ‘career’ first?

what makes you think theres something wrong with your eggs and not your husbands sperm, or even just one of those things? Youre only 35. Thats not even old and miscarriages are much more common than you might think. This is why they pressure women to not announce pregnancy until the 12 week mark when the risk decreases, but this unfortunately means that women dont get the support they need when they do have one, nor do other women realise just how common it is.

When I miscarried my first baby, I was heartbroken and worried I wouldn't have a full term healthy baby. My DH was 'oh well, let's try again, sure it'll be fine'. Luckily it was fine, and we had 2 kids in my late 30s.
Hopefully it will happen for you soon. x

@TheCouncilDontHelp I had similar, fall pregnant very easily, six pregnancies, five were the first month and one was the second. I suspect it could be hyperfertility. Four miscarriages by 8 weeks, all missed and picked up at scans. Then had two babies, with no miscarriages between them at 35 and 39. Clinical trial with baby one (I got the placebo) and progesterone with baby two.

@fertilitybs I'm so sorry for your losses. It's very hard and all-consuming. You haven't done anything wrong. You still have time at 35. I would check with your GP/consultant whether you can be referred for investigations after two losses at 35, I can't remember the guidelines. I had the investigation and they didn't find anything, I did help me to feel I was doing something. I had fertility acupuncture with the first baby, it was almost like counselling and helped with the emotional side, and gave me a clockwork 28 day cycle for the first time ever. Previously had 35 day cycle.

Sorry for your two miscarriages OP. I had one at 34. Only when I’d had mine did I realise just how many people had had them, more people had than hadn’t of those I knew. Vast majority had gone on to have healthy pregnancies. Hope it all works out for you

I had one at 33, had DS at 35.
I had a scary bleed on DS I was convinced it was another miscarriage.
I took pregna care for 4 months before I got pregnant, not sure if it helped.

Please rest assured that 35 is young. You are a young woman. When I read your initial message, I was expecting you to say you were over 40. I am not sure how helpful the random anecdotes are, but I will share some anyway in case they lift your spirits:

-My Grandmother on one side had her last baby at 47
-My Grandmother on the other side had her last at 45, first at 38 (4 in total)
-My friend at work had 4 miscarriages in a row. She has just given birth to her 3rd baby at 40. In her case, she has to be monitored in pregnancy by a fertility clinic. If she is not, she miscarries. I am not sure what they give her, but I know it was simple enough and worked every time. And she could afford the investigations because of her career, so it's not a case of either/or. It's worth getting checked out after 2 subsequent miscarriages regardless of age.