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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If your DH is now WFH, does he expect you to now make him lunch every day?

373 replies

mintginger · 17/07/2021 20:54

Just wondering what people do really (particularly if you are SAH yourself).

YABU - yes, you should make him lunch.
YANBU - no, leave him to it and go out and about on your business.

Thanks!

OP posts:
lokomojo · 17/07/2021 21:38

He thinks you are his servant. Are you?

Naunet · 17/07/2021 21:39

If he’s so busy at work that he never has time to feed himself, then he needs to speak to his manager.

Saltyslug · 17/07/2021 21:39

How long does it take him to pick, wash and make his lunch? 10 minutes with a chance to have a stretch and have some fresh air briefly. It’s certainly something he should do himself even if he is busy. A short healthy break.

Original poster
mintginger · 17/07/2021 21:39

I think he expects it because he’s very busy and I’m at home. So he thinks I should be happy to help him out and make his time more efficient.

OP posts:
Lovewinemorethanhusband · 17/07/2021 21:39

I work from home and don't expect lunch at all, my parents look after my toddler at my house and my mum will make me a sandwich or whatever which I am grateful for but don't expect as she doesn't always do it as I tend to do a plate for my toddler to eat already made up. If my husband is day off and he's in town or doing something I will ask if he can drop a sandwich or something in if he can but if he's not coming back or tells me in the morning he's busy all day then it's not a problem I'll sort myself out

Saltyslug · 17/07/2021 21:39

If he hasn’t time for that yes he needs to talk to his manager

Bluntness100 · 17/07/2021 21:40

I was just wondering what other people would do in this scenario

Difficult question as you’re unique in putting up with that shit, everyone else would laugh in his face and tell him to go fuck himself

But you do you.

Ifitquacks · 17/07/2021 21:40

@mintginger

I think he expects it because he’s very busy and I’m at home. So he thinks I should be happy to help him out and make his time more efficient.
What did he do for lunch when he was in the office?
LindaEllen · 17/07/2021 21:40

He never expects me to make him anything! Sometimes he'll ask but if I say no it's no issue. Sometimes I offer. No drama.

Thebookswereherfriends · 17/07/2021 21:40

If you were making yourself lunch, then it would nice to make him something and not much extra effort. If you are out doing stuff or busy at home and not stopping for lunch then he should not expect restaurant service when he’s not at a restaurant. He planted the salad stuff, he can pick it to eat- why doesn’t he prepare his “super food” lunch the night before?

ScaryHairyMcClary · 17/07/2021 21:41

Does he see you as an accessory? Ie, someone he can delegate to when he is busy, without considering that you may have needs/desires/plans of your own?

Etinox · 17/07/2021 21:41

Our generation is going to play hard ball when we retire. Grin
In sickness and in health, for richer for poorer but not for lunch Wink

Vodkabulary · 17/07/2021 21:43

Expect no … but I do make it because I’m making myself and our two toddlers lunch. I need the table for their lunch and he works in the dining room. He packs up at lunch we all eat together then he goes back to work.

I have to say I enjoy it but if we’re out or his meeting over run so I do lunch picnic in a different room he would get his own

LemonRoses · 17/07/2021 21:43

I usually make for both of us, if I’m having lunch. It means items for specific meals don’t get used and he gets a bit more variety than several slices of marmite on toast with cheese.

To balance, he gets up about an hour and a half earlier than me, runs the dog than brings me a mug of tea.

Feels like a reasonable pay-off.

WhereYouLeftIt · 17/07/2021 21:44

@mintginger

I am not a person who likes to eat at fixed times and I never did, so the fact he has to have lunch made in an exact window of time, is something I am finding claustrophobic. Plus, all this bloody salad in the garden - I’m not sure about as I’m certain nextdoor’s cats are peeing in it. I know this might all sound sound ridiculous, but I’m not joking and don’t mean to sound mad. He is very busy, all the time and this is the vibe I live with. I was just wondering what other people would do in this scenario.
What would I do? Tell him to grow the fuck up and stop being a controlling little shite.

"For some reason, he planted salad stuff in the garden a while ago and it’s taken off - loads of what appears to be kale and other lettuces, radishes - all sorts. So he wants me to go out and pick this stuff now and make salads with flatbreads, various superfood seeds and salmon or something with it."

For some reason? His reason was to eat into your time and control you all the more. He planted it, he can pick it. And make the flatbreads etc.

HE IS A SHIT.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 17/07/2021 21:44

@Ifitquacks you are not going mad BTW, there were several posters who said "yes" and I find it rather embarrassing for the other poster that they (wrongly) called you out. Especially the cringey dId yOu POsT oN tHe WRonG THreaD

mashawithbear · 17/07/2021 21:45

No
Mine makes his own lunch and even makes me lunch too. Sometimes I'll make it for the both of us. But it's defo not a everyday things and he certainly doesn't expect it. Sometimes I'll take snack up for him, again it's not something I always do, in the last 3 weeks I've probably taken snack up fir him twice. He's a grown man and if anything it's good for him to walk down those stairs and help himself.

Ifitquacks · 17/07/2021 21:45

[quote FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop]@Ifitquacks you are not going mad BTW, there were several posters who said "yes" and I find it rather embarrassing for the other poster that they (wrongly) called you out. Especially the cringey dId yOu POsT oN tHe WRonG THreaD[/quote]
Thank you, thought I was in a parallel universe for a moment there! Or had too much Chablis Grin

WhereYouLeftIt · 17/07/2021 21:45

@mintginger

I think he expects it because he’s very busy and I’m at home. So he thinks I should be happy to help him out and make his time more efficient.
Nobody is so bust that they can't go to their kitchen, open their fridge, and make themselves something to eat.

'Very busy' my arse. He's just a self-absorbed selfish arsewipe who sees you as his maid. Tell him to back off and make his own lunch.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 17/07/2021 21:46

@mintginger

I think he expects it because he’s very busy and I’m at home. So he thinks I should be happy to help him out and make his time more efficient.
Who makes his lunch at work when he's 'very busy'?

I imagine either
A. Himself, or
B. A worker paid to do it.

You aren't either of the above so tell him that in the absence of B., A. (he) will have to do it

Original poster
mintginger · 17/07/2021 21:46

He doesn’t have a manager - he mainly sets his own schedule. He is involved in many different things and everything is super-complicated. He’s always been like this and it’s always been super-confusing it’s hard to challenge. But he’s very successful, luckily, so I just gave up long ago and let him get on with it because he won’t slow down. He’s never doing nothing and he does do some things round the house, such as the garden or DIY jobs, that kind of thing. But he’s very hyper and high energy, whereas I’m more go with the flow.

OP posts:
PicturesOfLily · 17/07/2021 21:48

Like many others, if I’m making sandwiches for lunch then I’ll make one for dh too. If I’m making something else that he doesn’t like, I won’t. If I’m out, he gets his own. I’m on maternity leave and have no qualms about asking him to make my lunch if I’m feeding the baby/baby is asleep on me. I know he appreciates his lunch being made but he doesn’t expect it.

ceeveebee · 17/07/2021 21:49

Well then he needs to schedule some time in for lunch! I also pretty much set my own schedule and always block out 30mins at some point during middle of the day to get a break.
Or it he can’t do that then he should make himself a packed lunch in the morning or order Deliveroo

BrainFuz · 17/07/2021 21:49

@mintginger my DH makes lunch and dinner most days. He also does the food shopping. I take responsibility for other things, such as the washing. We each do our bit - we do sometimes niggle over who should do what but it's rare.

Chickychickydodah · 17/07/2021 21:51

I’m a sahw and I do !

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