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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If your DH is now WFH, does he expect you to now make him lunch every day?

373 replies

mintginger · 17/07/2021 20:54

Just wondering what people do really (particularly if you are SAH yourself).

YABU - yes, you should make him lunch.
YANBU - no, leave him to it and go out and about on your business.

Thanks!

OP posts:
Traled · 17/07/2021 21:25

He can set him alarm 15 minutes earlier in the morning and pick his salad if its such a fixture and important to him to have that exact thing.

Moonwhite · 17/07/2021 21:25

You are not going to have to prepare a big banquet, just a quick lunch.

Did you read the update? She's expected to do some gardening as phase one of making his lunch.

FreeButtonBee · 17/07/2021 21:26

I generally make sure that there is lunch stuff in the fridge. But I am in charge of the online shopping order so that makes sense. But no. I don’t make him lunch unless I fancy something which is extremely easily scaled up and I know he likes it. So if I decided to make quesadillas for example.

My husband just laughed when I told him about this thread. It’s really not nirmal

Bluntness100 · 17/07/2021 21:27

@Ifitquacks

I think some people who are saying yes maybe have a set ‘lunch time’ and regularly sit down to a proper lunch at home? I tend to grab something when out and about or reheat something out of the freezer at around 3pm. Sometimes don’t have anything at all, if I’ve had a late breakfast for example. No set lunchtime. So it wouldn’t really occur to me to make DH lunch.
Sorry has anyone actually,said yes? Are you posting on the wrong thread?
JaneTheVirgin · 17/07/2021 21:29

Did he marry a 1920s housewife or...?

Bluntness100 · 17/07/2021 21:29

This is why I ask

Really? Nor becayse he’S a grown up and you’re n independent adult who doesn’t slave Labour?

Ifitquacks · 17/07/2021 21:29

No I’m not posting on the wrong thread as have seen multiple people say yes, they do make their partners lunch every day.

Moonwhite · 17/07/2021 21:29

I don't see a problem with making your partner lunch if you are eating the same thing, and if your partner has the more demanding job. But it shouldn't be expected.

But expecting you to make his lunches to his specification when you're not even going to be home for lunch - that's an almighty pisstake. He's treating you like an employee in your own home. Tell him it stops right now. If he's so passionate about his garden salads he can find the time to make them himself.

NoYOUbekind · 17/07/2021 21:29

@mintginger

I ask this because I often don’t even particularly eat lunch myself - only if I’m out and about, I might go into Pret or something. But he is someone who sees lunch as more of a “fixture.” He is very busy the whole time. For some reason, he planted salad stuff in the garden a while ago and it’s taken off - loads of what appears to be kale and other lettuces, radishes - all sorts. So he wants me to go out and pick this stuff now and make salads with flatbreads, various superfood seeds and salmon or something with it. It might not sound like much in the scheme of life, but it’s another thing to think about, especially if I’m planning to be out in the day. This is why I ask.
Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

I actually do make DH's lunch quite often but that's because I like a nice lunch and for eg, it's just as easy to make a batch of potstickers from the freezer for two as it is one. Easier in fact. But if I do make his lunch I make what I want to make. And he returns the favour regularly. There are no superfood expectations in my house.

nhy21 · 17/07/2021 21:30

I'm a SAHM and my WFH husband gets his own lunch. Sometimes I'll cook his if he's on back to back calls but usually he prefers to do it himself. Ditto for dinner (his choice not mine). In fact he actively discourages me from making him meals as I am rather meaner with the cheese and butter than he is. He'll have a roast or whatever if it's a more communal type meal.

We make each other hot drinks, though he probably makes me more than I make him. Just to be clear, this isn't selfishness on my part, I'd be happy to make lunch/dinner as I'm not working. Though I wouldn't bother to leave him anything until the fridge if I'm out.

Ifitquacks · 17/07/2021 21:30

I don’t know about should, but I do. I’ve never given it a second thought
We are a married couple, not housemates. He cooks in the evening… and shares it with me

Here’s one, for example.

Crolisd · 17/07/2021 21:31

If he was in the house and I was making lunch I suppose he might ‘expect’ that I make him some too because of course I would if I knew he would need lunch and I usually do it. Same as I would expect to come home from the office to him making my dinner because the kids need to eat at 5.30 and he knows I won’t be home in time to cook - it’s just part of our routine.

It all depends on context really. Have you been making his lunches and suddenly stopped?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 17/07/2021 21:31

@mintginger

I ask this because I often don’t even particularly eat lunch myself - only if I’m out and about, I might go into Pret or something. But he is someone who sees lunch as more of a “fixture.” He is very busy the whole time. For some reason, he planted salad stuff in the garden a while ago and it’s taken off - loads of what appears to be kale and other lettuces, radishes - all sorts. So he wants me to go out and pick this stuff now and make salads with flatbreads, various superfood seeds and salmon or something with it. It might not sound like much in the scheme of life, but it’s another thing to think about, especially if I’m planning to be out in the day. This is why I ask.
No one should he putting this much effort into midweek lunches. Dinner maybe. He is a presumptuous twat tbh.
Bluntness100 · 17/07/2021 21:31

@Ifitquacks

No I’m not posting on the wrong thread as have seen multiple people say yes, they do make their partners lunch every day.
Sorry can you point that out please. We can all see it’s no one on this thread?
CornishTiger · 17/07/2021 21:31

No I’m rubbish at feeding myself let alone him. He regularly brings me stuff in and says take a bloody break!

LadyDanburysCane · 17/07/2021 21:32

I occasionally make him lunch but only if I’ve thought to ask him when he is stopping for lunch. He is genuinely working and has phone or video meetings all through so I don’t always know when he will be free.

If I’m home and he comes downstairs to make a coffee he always makes me one and vice versa but lunch is a bit more haphazard as I don’t always have lunch myself.

Ifitquacks · 17/07/2021 21:32

I just have pointed one out Confused

ceeveebee · 17/07/2021 21:33

We are both wfh and whoever has the time / or is hungry first will make for both of us. If I I have a very busy day I will make myself a salad first thing and put in the fridge, so why not tell your DH to do that?

Original poster
mintginger · 17/07/2021 21:33

I am not a person who likes to eat at fixed times and I never did, so the fact he has to have lunch made in an exact window of time, is something I am finding claustrophobic. Plus, all this bloody salad in the garden - I’m not sure about as I’m certain nextdoor’s cats are peeing in it. I know this might all sound sound ridiculous, but I’m not joking and don’t mean to sound mad. He is very busy, all the time and this is the vibe I live with. I was just wondering what other people would do in this scenario.

OP posts:
Farwest · 17/07/2021 21:34

Out of curiosity, what are some other expectations your dh has, which you suspect may be unreasonable? (And he is being wildly unreasonable about his superfood lunch. Or any lunch. You aren't his mummy.)

Chicchicchicchiclana · 17/07/2021 21:34

No. My dh and I are at home together at lunchtimes and have been for yonks. Lunch is a free for all. We never eat it together.

Everydayimhuffling · 17/07/2021 21:35

I make lunch for the baby, toddler and me, so I make enough for DP. However, if he doesn't want what we're having then he has to sort it out himself. I wouldn't be making a lunch I'm not eating myself or making anything remotely complicated. DP also makes (more complicated) supper most days.

NiceGerbil · 17/07/2021 21:35

DH and I cook and do lunch and etc etc for each other, we get our own food.. whatever.

There is nothing wrong with doing whatever works.

The thing here is the word EXPECTS.

that's the problem.

Whiskycav · 17/07/2021 21:36

I wfh. Do works less hours to accommodate childcare etc as my job is fairly full on.

The first few weeks he would make me lunch and bring me coffees. I never asked or expected it. I would also make him a drink if I was making one.

Then the novelty wore off. As expected. Now, if we are both here if one is making lunch, they will offer to make something for the other. Or make twice as much and leave it for the other.

I don't expect him to provide all my meals and to be honest I like the break.

LadyDanburysCane · 17/07/2021 21:37

@mintginger

Thankyou for the candid responses.

Can I also ask, if you are out in the day, do you feel like it’s your responsibility to leave something in the fridge? Or would you leave him and not think about it at all?

If I’m out then he is capable of going to the local shop … and he does…
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