If your DH is now WFH, does he expect you to now make him lunch every day?

[mintginger]

Just wondering what people do really (particularly if you are SAH yourself).

YABU - yes, you should make him lunch.
YANBU - no, leave him to it and go out and about on your business.

Thanks!

@mintginger

I ask this because I often don’t even particularly eat lunch myself - only if I’m out and about, I might go into Pret or something. But he is someone who sees lunch as more of a “fixture.” He is very busy the whole time. For some reason, he planted salad stuff in the garden a while ago and it’s taken off - loads of what appears to be kale and other lettuces, radishes - all sorts. So he wants me to go out and pick this stuff now and make salads with flatbreads, various superfood seeds and salmon or something with it. It might not sound like much in the scheme of life, but it’s another thing to think about, especially if I’m planning to be out in the day. This is why I ask.

I'd tell him to fuck off and make his own.

I don't have lunch most days either or if I do it's a slice or two of toast so I'll ask if he wants any of what I'm making myself. 99 per cent of the time it's him asking me if I want a bacon buttie or something when he's doing his own.

I think it's a weird mindset to expect someone else should manage your meals for you because you're now at home instead of the office and even more cheekier to expect someone else to plan ahead and make you food if they're not home. Why can't he plan ahead the night before and prepare his own?

He can pick salad on the weekend and portion it up so all he has to do is add dressing or slap a sandwich together in the morning, he will not be so busy that he can't take 5mins to make himself food, he'd manage if you were not there.

Why doesn't he make his packed lunch before work then if he's busy.

Why does he EXPECT OP to do it?

Expect is the key word.

It doesn't matter what anyone else does if they're happy.

OP has said is it ok for DH to EXPECT me to make his lunch.

Answer is no. She's neither a servant nor a serf.

He either thinks your his mother or a servant.
Are you either of those two things?
Because something about the way you are acting around him has given him that impression.

What did he do for lunch before he was WFH?

@mintginger

I ask this because I often don’t even particularly eat lunch myself - only if I’m out and about, I might go into Pret or something. But he is someone who sees lunch as more of a “fixture.” He is very busy the whole time. For some reason, he planted salad stuff in the garden a while ago and it’s taken off - loads of what appears to be kale and other lettuces, radishes - all sorts. So he wants me to go out and pick this stuff now and make salads with flatbreads, various superfood seeds and salmon or something with it. It might not sound like much in the scheme of life, but it’s another thing to think about, especially if I’m planning to be out in the day. This is why I ask.

Tell him to fuck off and do it himself.

This reminds me of when my young cousin came to stay one summer. I was a teen and he was 8 or 9 I think.
I went out with my then boyfriend and my dad called me at lunch time and said “cousin is hungry, are you coming home to make him lunch.” I was then laughed and said words to the effect of “wtf” and put the phone down. My dad couldn’t see what he’d done wrong at all. Twat.

Depends on circumstances. If you're home with a baby and a toddler or a full time job of your own, then hell no. But if I was working from home and had a SAH partner with school age children, and was doing my share outside of working hours, then I'd absolutely hope they'd offer to do a double lunch if they were home that day.

When he had offices, they were in SoHo so he used to eat out or get his PA to get him something. He still does go out for meetings etc some days. Less travel though, obviously due to flight restrictions, which is why I’m feeling it!

To be honest, if I’m here I don’t mind making him lunch. I’m not run off my feet. But I feel it’s now another expectation in my day and I do feel he’s being quite dogmatic about this salad, just because it’s there and he wants me to be using it all the time. He is a quite extreme fitness fanatic as well which I find a bit self-absorbed at times, although good for him, I guess.

Uhh I've never made my husband lunch. Didn't change when he moved to WFH either. Wouldn't even if I was a SAHP. Sometimes he's lucky and gets leftovers from dinner.

No, made it very clear at the beginning of lockdown that we do our own lunches. Mine are generally a fairly sparse affair at my desk, if I was making dh sized lunches for us both every day then I would no longer fit through the door! I do though work as much as he does and do shopping and childcare, so I think he can manage to make his own lunches, after all if he were single he would need to do his own.

It is possibly slightly different I think if you are SAHP with children all at school, but then if I were in that position I would be looking for work anyway so I was not dependent on him and not in a position where he thinks I owe him anything.

We both work from home much of the time. DH does not expect me to make lunch and I don't expect him to. The fridge is full of picky bits for lunch. I don't make lunch at weekends either. Everyone grazes otherwise it breaks up the day.

What has been quite nice however is dh has realised just how much I do at work and how much advice I give. He has been quite humbled I think.

Ah so he wants you to take over the role as his PA.

@mintginger

I think he expects it because he’s very busy and I’m at home. So he thinks I should be happy to help him out and make his time more efficient.

Its not your job, to make his working day more efficient.

Hevis taking the piss. I never believe the 'I I busy all day and do have time to do tasks for myself' type people.

I have a very senior job. I donr expect anyone I my family or who works for me to provide my lunch. Or make it for me in the morning and leave it in the fridge for me.

Because I am an adult witha responsible job, I am also responsible for feeding myself.

And I love dp so don't treat him like crap and offer to make him food sometimes. It takes an extra couple of minutes. We do things for eachother.

I don't expect him to be my servant because I earn more.

DH and I are both WFH. At present DS is at home and not working, so making lunch is his job. When DS is not around, DH and I take turns. If I'm not working and want to go out then DH gets his own lunch. He's a grownup, he can make himself a sandwich. Or cook a 3 course dinner if he prefers.

There is always food in the fridge and cupboard and it is mostly my job to make sure there is enough, since I do the weekly supermarket order. There will always be bread/cheese/salad, tins of soup in the cupboard, that kind of thing. If DH wants something special he can potter out to the shop himself.

So he wants me to go out and pick this stuff now and make salads with flatbreads, various superfood seeds and salmon or something with it. It might not sound like much in the scheme of life, but it’s another thing to think about, especially if I’m planning to be out in the day. This is why I ask.

How is he not capable of going out and picking his own lettuce, scattering some seeds on top and opening one of those sealed packs of pre-cooked fish? Or a tin of sardines. "Superfoods" my arse.

I was just wondering what other people would do in this scenario.

In your scenario, I would tell him I am too busy and he can get his own lunch each day. On occasion I would offer to make lunch for both of us, at his regular time. I'd let him know at breakfast time if I was offering. But as a daily thing, no.

If I didn’t work and I was at home I’d make lunch for us both. If I was out or if I was working too then I wouldn’t.

@1forAll74

Yes I would make him lunch, as it's a nice thing to do for someone. You are not going to have to prepare a big banquet, just a quick lunch.

But would you just decide for yourself to manage his lunches or would your husband just expect you start managing his lunches for him like OPs husband has? Would your husband also expect you manage and leave his lunch on days you are also not at home like ops husband does?

I've made dh lunch. He's made me lunch. Depends what our day is like, how busy we are. Some days I'm struggling to break for lunch so he makes me something and brings it into the office. Other days I get a lunch break but he's working through, so I make it for him. Surely this is just normal?

get his PA to get him something.

You are not his PA. Nor his gardener, cook, or general factotum. You may need to point this out.

We tend to have lunch together, so if he finishes up just before lunch before me, he makes it and if I do then I make it. It’s never expected though, it’s just nice. If I’m not home I wouldn’t leave something for him, nor would he expect me to.

What everyone else said....unless there's about to be a drip feed that you have no children, do no housework, and he earns £6 million pa which you expect him to earn so that you can get your hair done.

(Just putting this out there after the post of a few weeks ago when someone asked should she have help getting her children ready in the morning, everyone said yes, then it turned out it was the only thing she did)

We are both WFH and one of us makes lunch for both depending on what it is. I make the best scrambled eggs, so I always do that, he makes the best omelettes. We do eat things for lunch other than eggs. If I was out, he would make his own lunch, or vice versa.

No, I work part time and I'm only home at lunchtime a few times a week. We also don't like the same things. However, If I'm making something for me that I know he will like, i will make double so he can eat too. He doesn't expect it but is grateful when I do.

He appears to have mistaken you for his pa…

I’m a sahm so I normally make lunch as I would be anyway but then he tidies up.