Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If your DH is now WFH, does he expect you to now make him lunch every day?

373 replies

mintginger · 17/07/2021 20:54

Just wondering what people do really (particularly if you are SAH yourself).

YABU - yes, you should make him lunch.
YANBU - no, leave him to it and go out and about on your business.

Thanks!

OP posts:
sherrystrull · 18/07/2021 20:52

[quote Notanotherheatwave2]@sherrystrull

At what point did I say you (or anyone) wasn’t happy working?

And making snide comments about women who choose to stay at home being stuck in the 1950’s IS spiteful.

You love working - great! I love being a SAHM - also great. You do you and I’ll do me. No need for either of us to put the other one’s choices down - (in your case by implying SAHM’s are stuck in the 50’s)

To be fair your comment wasn’t the worst on here - I quoted it because I wanted to make a point about the 50s.[/quote]
You're very aggressive and I think unnecessarily taking it out on me.

I don't think sahm are stuck in the 1950's.

My comment referred to the fact so many people on mn seem to be sahm like in the 1950's when many women were and my experience in the present day is different as I know only one sahm.
That was all I meant.

I wasn't being derogatory about people's choices as everyone should make the best decision for their family.

malificent7 · 18/07/2021 20:53

If i am making lunch I give dp some...why wouldn't I?
If im out he makes his own.

Wrenna · 18/07/2021 20:56

Even though I work part time I take my lunch to work and this is one of the reasons. Breakfast/lunch are on your own (this applies to ds home from university for summer as well). I do a nice evening meal.

Pallisers · 18/07/2021 20:58

@Debbacat6

I like looking after him He doesn't expect it and is always very grateful. Isn't that part of marriage? Doing stuff for each other? It's not a political issue to me and yes, I work as hard as he does but it makes me Happy to do this. He does other stuff for me
I like doing things for my husband too. I often make him cups of tea or lunch now he is working from home.

The day he gave me a list of tasks for the day and ordered his lunch as if I were his paid housekeeper, is the day I would stop. OP isn't talking about not doing nice things for her husband. She is talking about being treated like staff by her husband - not a part of a healthy marriage imo. My mum WAS a sahm in the 1950s (just) and my dad wouldn't have dreamed of treating her like that.

BRDouble · 18/07/2021 21:06

@LadyCatStark I hear you!!!! 😒

SparrowNest · 18/07/2021 21:21

@Pallisers 100% agree with that. Part of the joy of doing things to care for your partner is that they’re grateful. It’s nice to be appreciated.

I make a real point of showing my gratitude to DH for that same reason. It makes everyone feel good, and encourages him to keep doing nice things for me. If OP’s husband had any sense he’d do the same.

SarahBellam · 18/07/2021 21:33

I do, but it’s part of a fair division of labour. I do most of the cooking and he does most of the cleaning. I specialise in cooking and laundry. He specialises in vacuuming and floor washing, dishwashering, bins and changing the bed linen. The rest we muddle through between us.

SarahBellam · 18/07/2021 21:33

(We both work from home)

Notanotherheatwave2 · 18/07/2021 21:37

@sherrystrull

Saying you feel like you’ve gone back to the 50s reading this thread because of all the stay at home mums came across as a bit insulting to me.

I definitely don’t consider myself to be anything like a 1950’s woman. Not that there is anything wrong with women from this era (they paved the way for a lot of our rights). But I don’t consider my lifestyle choice so out of touch that it should make someone feel like they’re in the 50s.

To me, automatically comparing SAHMs to 1950s women is kind of saying we’re old fashioned.

Maybe you genuinely weren’t trying to be mean. But I do think generally when people say things like “didn’t realise it was the 50s” when referring to SAHMs, they’re not being complimentary. And I think you know this really.

huuuuunnnndderrricks · 18/07/2021 21:49

Tell him to get up earlier and cut his own bloody salad ffs !

TheVampiresWife · 18/07/2021 22:08

DH doesn't eat lunch but if he did, I wouldn't be making it for him.

honeybuns007 · 18/07/2021 22:12

@LadyCatStark

Yup 🙄 and I’m working from home too. He also asks me every time he wants a brew or anything and doesn’t seem to get the message that I’m not his PA. Of course his job is far more ‘important’ than mine as he’s a manager.
I hope you are joking
Ibizafun · 18/07/2021 22:35

If I’m making for myself I’ll make for dh, why wouldn’t I? He works, I don’t. If I don’t fancy it I won’t!

jules0607 · 18/07/2021 23:04

Did you make him a packed lunch to take to work every day? If you did make him one continue to & put it in the fridge. If you didn’t don’t

kimmsutt · 18/07/2021 23:56

I’m a SAHM (I’d rather be working but we moved to a new town, so had to give up old job and Covid hit while still finding house and settling kids). I do make him lunch, even if I’m going out but, to be fair, he’s on zoom calls and meetings from 9-6, literally back to back. Making his lunch is least of my gripes!

Darlingx · 19/07/2021 04:55

I am the product of a mother who just let me get on with it myself growing up. I was baking bread at 12 yrs old. Whereas my partner’s mother is a nurse and he was an only child. On visiting her before you put a glass down she has cleared it away and I think she by doing everything for him created an expectation that I have been training him out of. It just ment he had no domestic common sense whatsoever and I found it a test on my patience dealing with this. After 8 yrs some if it has sunk in and I try my best not to become his mother but cooking is something I enjoy and all the food is used with dates in mind as I hate food waste. My biggest tip is that he has his own cupboard shelf area where he puts he favs snacks foods so he has the kitchen as his go to space where he can quickly knock something up to his taste . Food cooking should be encouraged to be enjoyed by all

maddiemookins16mum · 19/07/2021 05:43

Every night after dinner I make two sandwiches for lunch the next day. One for me and DH.
Without fail. It’s so my spouse can eat something the next day during a very short window of opportunity.
I do this as he is washing up the dishes.

soirritating · 19/07/2021 06:12

I'm currently on mat leave and my DP often makes me a sandwich for my lunch and puts it in the fridge before he goes to work to make things easier for me during the day when I'm looking after the baby. So I sort of have it the other way around. Grin But then again he doesn't wfh - if he did I would make him a sandwich if I was making myself one. He would no way expect it though.

serenenadine · 19/07/2021 06:23

images.app.goo.gl/15hymbp2nr3An6Ge7

Reminds me of Gavin and Stacey

soirritating · 19/07/2021 06:30

@serenenadine

https://images.app.goo.gl/15hymbp2nr3An6Ge7

Reminds me of Gavin and Stacey

😂
theDudesmummy · 19/07/2021 06:37

We don't have this issue as DH doesn't eat lunch!

Subeccoo · 19/07/2021 06:50

I'm now off work for the summer as I'm a teacher. I'm the unlikely event I'm at home every day when he pops back for lunch, it's a firm fuck now to making his.
My life doesn't revolve around his, I wouldn't give it a second thought unless I happened to be making myself something that there was two portions of.

ILoveYouILoveYouIDo · 19/07/2021 06:54

My husband doesn't expect me too but if I'm making my own, then makes sense right?

Toottooot · 19/07/2021 07:09

I WFH and when my husband is at home (works abroad) he makes my lunch - every day.

mafted · 19/07/2021 07:25

I do make his lunch, plus provide hot drinks throughout the day. He usually works away though often leaves Sunday night and returns Friday afternoon when I meet him for lunch out in town.
I can see how the novelty would wear off if he was wfh everyday.

I understand about being spoken to like an employee. DH sometimes takes a work tone with me, I usually just text him saying something daft like meet me in the brew room the boss is being a prick today and he apologises.