Page 3 | If your DH is now WFH, does he expect you to now make him lunch every day?

NiceGerbil · 17/07/2021 21:18

Point here is not what other people do and are happy with

Point is the word EXPECTS.

notacooldad · 17/07/2021 21:18

When we were both working from home we would make lunch for each other ( and brews throughout the day)
No expectation but it was nice getting a text message saying there was a salad on the work top for me it I'd go into the middle room with some sandwiches for him.
Teamwork!

Traled · 17/07/2021 21:18

Dh has worked from home for years now, I'd never make food for him if I'm going out the house, I sometimes stick my head in and ask if he wants something if I'm making something and he does the same for me. Other times we will just make something for ourselves. I'd be if he asked me to leave him a sandwich in the fridge and I don't give it a thought, he's capable of making himself scrambled eggs or a sandwich easy enough.

YanTanTethera123 · 17/07/2021 21:19

If he’s incapable of opening the fridge or cupboard door to find something to eat then quite frankly he can go without.
If I’m in and getting something then I’ll probably make enough for two, if I’m out or too busy then he can sort himself out or starve.
He’s more likely to make me a coffee than the other way round!

Ifitquacks · 17/07/2021 21:19

Fuck no . If I’m making something I will ask if he wants some if he’s not on a call. If he’s making something and I’m around he’ll ask if I want any. General expectation is we sort ourselves out.

TedHastingsweeDonkey · 17/07/2021 21:19

Jeeez almighty! What was his arrangement when not working from home? Did you have to pack his food or did he have a PA sorting it all out??? Genuinely wondering...

DH would make his own lunch. Unless I offer when I'm making my own, or on occasions he had asked me when he was busy and was struggling to take an actual break. Then of course, happy to make it for him. But to EXPECT it? What would happen if you didn't do it OP? As for the second question, no it is absolutely not your responsibility to leave something in the fridge. Is there some kind of weird reason why anyone would expect to be waited on / served their food by their spouses?? As I said, you can bloody well ask the other person (saying please and thank you, just in case it's not obvious!!) but a grown man / woman can absolutely look after themselves. How bizarre!!

Original poster

mintginger · 17/07/2021 21:19

I ask this because I often don’t even particularly eat lunch myself - only if I’m out and about, I might go into Pret or something. But he is someone who sees lunch as more of a “fixture.” He is very busy the whole time. For some reason, he planted salad stuff in the garden a while ago and it’s taken off - loads of what appears to be kale and other lettuces, radishes - all sorts. So he wants me to go out and pick this stuff now and make salads with flatbreads, various superfood seeds and salmon or something with it. It might not sound like much in the scheme of life, but it’s another thing to think about, especially if I’m planning to be out in the day. This is why I ask.

OP posts:

SilverOak · 17/07/2021 21:19

DH has been isolating and I’ve found this to be an issue. Every morning he asks me for toast and coffee at his desk. I said who makes your toast and coffee at work? He said I make a cuppa and have a cereal bar. So why can’t you do that at home? 🤷‍♀️ Then he comes downstairs when he smells DCs lunch, whinging what can I have for lunch?

Ifitquacks · 17/07/2021 21:20

@mintginger

Thankyou for the candid responses.

Can I also ask, if you are out in the day, do you feel like it’s your responsibility to leave something in the fridge? Or would you leave him and not think about it at all?

Oh and no. It absolutely isn’t my responsibility to ‘leave something in the fridge’ for a grown adult. We have food in the cupboards, he can choose to do what he wants with it.

YanTanTethera123 · 17/07/2021 21:20

And no, he learned years ago not to expect me to run around after him like his mother did ☹️

tealandteal · 17/07/2021 21:21

Not a SAHP but I am in charge of the shopping. I make sure we have bread and various fillings, or he can make himself something nicer. If something needs eating up I'll let him know but he does the actual making himself.

absolutelyknackeredcow · 17/07/2021 21:21

@mintginger

Just wondering what people do really (particularly if you are SAH yourself).

YABU - yes, you should make him lunch.
YANBU - no, leave him to it and go out and about on your business.

Thanks!

I have a big job three days a week and he has a big job five days a week. Like fucking HELL would I make him lunch. He makes ME my special coffee though once a day and brings me a biscuit too. If I pick up a coffee and croissant on the way back from the school run, I would pick up something for him because that's marriage. He does the same when he does the school run

1forAll74 · 17/07/2021 21:21

Yes I would make him lunch, as it's a nice thing to do for someone. You are not going to have to prepare a big banquet, just a quick lunch.

TedHastingsweeDonkey · 17/07/2021 21:21

@mintginger

I ask this because I often don’t even particularly eat lunch myself - only if I’m out and about, I might go into Pret or something. But he is someone who sees lunch as more of a “fixture.” He is very busy the whole time. For some reason, he planted salad stuff in the garden a while ago and it’s taken off - loads of what appears to be kale and other lettuces, radishes - all sorts. So he wants me to go out and pick this stuff now and make salads with flatbreads, various superfood seeds and salmon or something with it. It might not sound like much in the scheme of life, but it’s another thing to think about, especially if I’m planning to be out in the day. This is why I ask.

This is getting even more bizarre now. I mean...next level bizarre!

coogee · 17/07/2021 21:21

I don’t know about should, but I do. I’ve never given it a second thought.

We are a married couple, not housemates. He cooks in the evening… and shares it with me.

Oriunda · 17/07/2021 21:22

My wfh husband’s lunch is a work of art. Rocket, salumi, oil, mozzarella di bufala ….. served on a plate, drizzled with ev olive oil and oregano.

As a SAHM, I’ll go to the shops to buy his rocket etc, but he makes his own, especially as my idea of lunch tends to be a cheese sandwich wolfed at the counter which often doesn’t make it to the plate.

absolutelyknackeredcow · 17/07/2021 21:22

@mintginger

Thankyou for the candid responses.

Can I also ask, if you are out in the day, do you feel like it’s your responsibility to leave something in the fridge? Or would you leave him and not think about it at all?

No. He is not one of my children

absolutelyknackeredcow · 17/07/2021 21:23

@mintginger

I ask this because I often don’t even particularly eat lunch myself - only if I’m out and about, I might go into Pret or something. But he is someone who sees lunch as more of a “fixture.” He is very busy the whole time. For some reason, he planted salad stuff in the garden a while ago and it’s taken off - loads of what appears to be kale and other lettuces, radishes - all sorts. So he wants me to go out and pick this stuff now and make salads with flatbreads, various superfood seeds and salmon or something with it. It might not sound like much in the scheme of life, but it’s another thing to think about, especially if I’m planning to be out in the day. This is why I ask.

Tell him to pick his own veg/ salad. HTH

MindMinDer · 17/07/2021 21:24

Oh my god, I'm a single parent and it's this kind of nonsense that puts me off living with a man again.

Bluntness100 · 17/07/2021 21:24

This can’t be serious? Unless you’re with some seven year old?

No I don’t sort his lunch, becayse he is not a child and I’m not his mum.

What even is this?

Hothammock · 17/07/2021 21:24

Dh makes me lunch far more often than I make him lunch and I actually feel bad about it as I don't work every day and he does. However, I wouldn't eat lunch if he wasn't making it so I guess that means it's OK haha

JackieCollinshasnoauthority · 17/07/2021 21:24

DH & I worked from home for the most part of the last year and he always makes me lunch. I wouldn't expect him to leave me something if he was out.

Pallisers · 17/07/2021 21:24

my dh (also works hard) also planted salad stuff in the garden last year - loves it. I use it regularly. It does not translate into expecting me to make anything with it for him.

As a pp said it isn't about whether any of us do or don't make lunch/coffee for our spouses. it is that he EXPECTS you to do it - deeply unattractive when a man gives orders to his wife like she is a paid housekeeper.

ISaidDontLickTheBin · 17/07/2021 21:24

Nooo. Just done a year's mat leave with DH working from home. Most days he made lunch and ate with with me and DC to give himself a proper break. Occasionally if he had back to back zoom calls I'd offer to make him lunch to have at his desk, but it was always me offering not him asking.

Ifitquacks · 17/07/2021 21:24

I think some people who are saying yes maybe have a set ‘lunch time’ and regularly sit down to a proper lunch at home?
I tend to grab something when out and about or reheat something out of the freezer at around 3pm. Sometimes don’t have anything at all, if I’ve had a late breakfast for example. No set lunchtime. So it wouldn’t really occur to me to make DH lunch.