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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If your DH is now WFH, does he expect you to now make him lunch every day?

373 replies

mintginger · 17/07/2021 20:54

Just wondering what people do really (particularly if you are SAH yourself).

YABU - yes, you should make him lunch.
YANBU - no, leave him to it and go out and about on your business.

Thanks!

OP posts:
Original poster
mintginger · 17/07/2021 21:05

Thankyou for the candid responses.

Can I also ask, if you are out in the day, do you feel like it’s your responsibility to leave something in the fridge? Or would you leave him and not think about it at all?

OP posts:
CorporeSarnie · 17/07/2021 21:05

Assuming this is a joke post. Normal people don't expect anyone else to make their food. We've both WFH some proportion of the time since before covid and it's nice to have lunch together, whoever has a break from calls first generally starts getting things ready, but sometimes DH does baked potatoes for both/all of us (he works closer to the kitchen). It's a household after all.

Pallisers · 17/07/2021 21:06

he doesn't expect any meal from me - and I do most of the cooking. I sometimes make something for him -especially if I am having something myself and he is very very grateful.

gamerchick · 17/07/2021 21:06

I didn't vote because it's irritating when people use the voting buttons for polls.

But no I wouldn't make him lunch unless I was making myself some and if he expected me to do it like he was some lord of the manor, it would get him a mouthful.

Wotsitsarecheesy · 17/07/2021 21:07

I don't work, but DH eats lunch before me, so makes his own. When I make mine, if I've cooked something tasty and it's easy to make a bit more then I'll take him a bit as an extra treat. This is never expected. He brings me a cuppa in bed in the morning. I'll make him drinks in the day when I make my own.

Pallisers · 17/07/2021 21:07

No it isn't your responsibility to leave something in the fridge. He is an adult. He is knob for expecting it and even more of a knob if he has complained about the lack of service.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 17/07/2021 21:08

Literally would not check the fridge.There's bread in the breadbin and obviously the usual food in the fridge, if he can't find a sandwich filling he likes he can go to corner shop like the grown man he is.

Floralnomad · 17/07/2021 21:08

My husband is WFH permanently now , I don’t work . If I’m in I will make him tea / coffee and do lunch , if I’m going out I just leave him to it , although if it’s hot I do make him a pint of squash before I leave .

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/07/2021 21:08

@mintginger

Thankyou for the candid responses.

Can I also ask, if you are out in the day, do you feel like it’s your responsibility to leave something in the fridge? Or would you leave him and not think about it at all?

DH is a perfectly formed adult. Of course I didn't when I was a SAHM.
Polly271220 · 17/07/2021 21:09

Would I fuck....he can do it himself!

maddening · 17/07/2021 21:10

My dh always wfh and I am wfh due to covid and we both make our own lunches. Even if one of us was on annual leave we would not make each other's lunch.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 17/07/2021 21:10

@mintginger

Thankyou for the candid responses.

Can I also ask, if you are out in the day, do you feel like it’s your responsibility to leave something in the fridge? Or would you leave him and not think about it at all?

Does your husband have a good job? If he's intelligent enough to have a good job why can't he make lunch?

In fact, any person that can hold down a job can slap a bit of cheese and Branston pickle between 2 slices of bread.

Zampa · 17/07/2021 21:10

DH's work day is far busier than mine so when I'm making myself lunch, I will also do his. However, if I'm out for the day, he can fend for himself.

The tea round is shared 50/50.

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 17/07/2021 21:12

@mintginger

Thankyou for the candid responses.

Can I also ask, if you are out in the day, do you feel like it’s your responsibility to leave something in the fridge? Or would you leave him and not think about it at all?

Wouldn't think about it at all. DH is more than capable of rummaging through the fridge and cupboards and making a meal.
actiongirl1978 · 17/07/2021 21:12

I make DH lunch. I work v part time and am always in the house.

He works very hard, usually on calls all day. I ask what time is most convenient, would he like it in the kitchen or at his desk. I usually make him eggs on toast or a sandwich.

It wouldn't occur to me not to make it. I do all the cooking so this is the same thing. When he was in the office I made him a packed lunch every day.

I can't imagine saying I wouldn't bother and he wouldn't ever make it for me as he doesn't do things the way I like themWink

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 17/07/2021 21:12

Why would anyone leave a prepared meal for a fully grown adult in the fridge for them? Unless they were recovering from an operation or had additional needs, and weren't capable of chucking a bit of ham between bread.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 17/07/2021 21:13

I am a sahm, DH wfh.
I make DS (and DD at the weekend) and me lunch, I often ask if he wants me to leave anything out and he makes his own nearly every day usually not what we have anyway. If I'm making something specific with two servings then he gets half.

If I'm going out I barely register him and his lunch needs. He has the whole contents of kitchen, fridge and freezer to play with. He doesn't need me to do anything for him.

Does your DH expect this from you OP, or do you just feel guilty for not doing it?

notapizzaeater · 17/07/2021 21:13

If I was there I made lunch, if I was out it was pot luck looking in the cupboards.

Naunet · 17/07/2021 21:13

@mintginger

Thankyou for the candid responses.

Can I also ask, if you are out in the day, do you feel like it’s your responsibility to leave something in the fridge? Or would you leave him and not think about it at all?

He’s a grown adult, yes? With full use of his legs and hands? Why on earth would you need to prep his lunch before going out? Does he think women find entitled man babies attractive?
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 17/07/2021 21:14

For so much simpering internalised misogyny on this thread.

Lots of women work 'really hard' and I wonder how many men make their lunches for them? Nurses, carers, HCA's, teachers, social workers - exhausting, endless work and I highly doubt Nigel thinks twice about making his wife lunch

Please just admit you make your DH's lunch because of sexist social conditioning rather than because of anything else.

IHateFlies · 17/07/2021 21:14

I might do if I’m at home but there is no expectation. Usually he’ll make himself an omelette or help himself to leftovers.

NiceGerbil · 17/07/2021 21:15

The fuck?!!!

No.

How does he indicate he expects this?

Where's my lunch?
Have you made my sandwich?
What are you having for lunch can you make me a sarnie I'm in meetings but would like to eat with you?

I mean.... ??!!

DH has a job that means he gets home for lunch usually. Sometimes I WFH pre covid and a bit now in town.

Leave him a packed lunch when I go to the office? Or if meetings overlap with his lunch break then leave him lunch?

Are you entirely serious? I'm boggled.

What else does he expect? Fucks sake

Bodgers · 17/07/2021 21:15

As the solitary voice of dissent, mine does as I’m a SAHM. I do it because I feel guilty if I am just out enjoying myself in the middle of the day while he is working. Very occasionally I’ll be out over lunchtime and feel obliged to pick him up a sandwich on the way home. Yes, I have married someone from the 1930s, but apart from the couple of stepford wife requests, he’s a pretty good egg (including shouldering all the bills so I could have a career break to spend more time with DC) so I overlook it. And yes, I cannot bloody wait for him to return to the office in a couple of weeks Grin

trilbydoll · 17/07/2021 21:17

I do the weekly shop and dd1 has pack lunches so I'm always aware of what food we have / don't have. If I knew there was no bread I would give him a heads up that he was going to have to think outside the box a bit more than usual but we've always got something that can form a meal.

Fabuleuse · 17/07/2021 21:17

Sometimes I make a big batch of something for lunches that lasts a few days, usually soup or some sort of veggie curry/dahl and offer some to him. Otherwise no. I make sure there's enough fresh bread for him (I make all our bread in the breadmaker) but otherwise he fends for himself. He usually eats his lunch bizarrely early in my opinion, like before 12, before I've even got round to thinking about it!